I was your dream?

Soondeok's diary

I saw the queen yesterday. Like what they say, she's pure evil. It makes me wonder sometimes, how can someone so elegantly dressed be able to have such an ugly heart? I didn't tell Eun about how she slapped me...it shocked me, really. To imagine how mother lived under her shadow before she got kicked out...and the king's other wives as well. Maybe Eun's right, there's nothing to be happy about being born into the royal family. I will deal with the queen, I will find out what really happened, I will clear mother's name, I will protect Eun and get rid of her.

Eun hugged me from behind again last night as I was about to sleep. Is this going to become a regular thing? This time, his hug was tighter, I could feel his heart beating, his chest moving as he breathes...and his hands...they were...closer. I liked it. Weird, right? Initially I disliked the idea, but then, I wanted more of it. Dear me, I can't help but blush as I think about it now.

Let's talk about something else. Luhan told me to give Eun a kiss last night...I forgot to. Such a cute child he is, I hope Oraboni will let him pursue his dream. I'm glad father let me pursue mine. What's the prince's dream? I haven't asked him about it...he'll have one, right? What about mine?

Eun's diary

I've got a big mission today – I will make Soondeok ride again. I will help her overcome her trauma today. That way we can race again! That way we can travel to the south sea before winter comes! That way, I can make her smile today. It won't be easy, but I'll give my best shot today.

She got mad at me yesterday, but I found it cute of her – she didn't talk to me and won't answer me, so I told her I'll sleep first. Ha! That girl! She actually came in real late, I'm sure she wanted to come in after I've fallen asleep. I didn't sleep, I waited for her, like a crocodile waiting for its prey. Finally, she came in, I thought I'd die waiting! She slowly slid into the blanket and turned away from me – then I jumped to her like a beast and caught her in my arms. It's the first time I surprised her like that, her reaction's just so funny! Maybe I should do that more often. And then we laughed real hard, I haven't laughed like this for ages! My stomach still hurts from laughing so hard last night.

It's become harder for me to sleep at night lately, I can't stop imagining. Hugging her helps, but the urge will just be stronger after I let go. I'm afraid I really will lose control one day. The quicker we return to my place, the better – I can't stand sleeping with Soondeok on the same bed anymore. If this keeps up...it's only a matter of time before she carries my child. Not that I don't want that to happen...it's just, I'm not ready for it. I'm barely living up to the role of a husband, how will I be able to handle that of a dad? No, I will wait. I'll just need to keep my minds on other things.

Uh, I met the queen yesterday. I really wanted to punch her in the face, I sure will! But I'm glad Soondeok stopped me...I would've gotten myself into trouble if I did. This emotion of mine, I guess I need to control it more – like what Soondeok said, I can't act according to my feelings anymore. I'm an adult now. What a sad statement...

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'Oppa...where are you taking me?'

'No, don't open your eyes yet. Just follow me, hold my hands tight. Careful, there's a step here. There you go.'

'Wait...where are we? I smell...I smell...'

(Soondeok stops)

'Your highness...I can't.'

'Deok ah, trust Oppa, okay? Trust me.'

(Soondeok opens her eyes, she starts to tremble and takes a step back)

'Oppa...I really can't. Let's do other things, anything other than this. Please, Oppa.'

'You said you liked riding, didn't you? That riding is your life. No riding no life. We raced together last time and you had fun, didn't you? I'm here to help you, Deok ah.'

'Please don't make me do it...your highness. Please...I can't.'

'Deok ah, you're well enough now, the doctor said you can ride. You need to break out of this shell.'

(Eun walks closer and holds her shaking hands)

'Deok ah, Soondeok ah, look at me. Look at me. Look at your prince.'

(Soondeok looks at Eun)

'Deok ah, trust me, okay? Trust Oppa. Trust me on this one. Alright?'

(Eventually, Soondeok nods. Eun takes her to the stable then helped her on a horse.)

'There, sitting comfy? There you go! You can make it this far!'

'W...what now?'

'I'll walk the horse out of the city, to the fields. You just hold on there. Don't worry, I'll be leading the horse, you just relax. We'll do it slowly. You trust me, right Soondeok?'

(Eun leads the horse to the fields outside the city)

'How was it, Deok ah? Feeling alright?'

'Yeah, that was fine. B...but I can't go further than that...I can't gallop the way I use to.'

'I'm coming up.'

'Wh...what?'

'I'm riding with you, you'll be in the front though.'

(Eun gets on the horse then wraps his arm around Soodeok's waist)

'I'll hold on to you, don't worry. Let's walk the horse a bit, shall we?'

'Y...you sure? I'm scared, your highness.'

'Aren't I here? I'm right here, believe in Oppa. Okay? Let's go.'

(Horse walks in steady pace)

'You can handle this? Deok ah, you don't have to shut your eyes. Enjoy the view! Deok ah, let's chat. Who do you think of when you ride now? Why did you get scared of riding suddenly?'

'I...I will remember what happened at the temple...how someone almost died because of me...'

'Well, did she?'

'No...'

'She got saved, didn't she? And her baby, you saved their baby too, didn't you?'

'I guess so...'

(Eun makes the horse walk faster)

'Soondeok ah. Why were you afraid? That the woman would die?'

'She...if she dies...it'll be like my mother...my mother died because of me. I don't want the baby to be like me.'

'Deok ah, your mother didn't die because of you, you should stop thinking so.'

'But she died because I was born. I killed her...like a murderer.'

'Deok ah, she has a weak heart – it's not you that made her die. She just happens to die after you're born. You did not kill your mother, get it?'

'I...'

'Deok ah, next year, let's have a birthday party for you.'

'What?'

'You've never had a party on your birthday before, right? I've heard. You couldn't, because it's the same day as your mother's death anniversary. I think it's time we celebrate your birth rather than her death, don't you? At least, at our place you should. You're a gift from heaven, Soondeok ah.'

'You said that to your friends just to impress them back then.'

'But now, I mean it.'

(Eun makes the horse trot even faster)

'Party...I don't know how to...what to do in parties...'

'I'll take care of it, Deok ah. You want me to sing in your party?'

'You mean like how Haesoo sang at yours?'

'Ya! Park Soondeok. I thought I told you stop mentioning her.'

'Sorry...but you liked it alot. Isn't that why you wanted to sing at my party? Because you think I'll like it too?'

'True, that gave me the idea, but don't bring her into this conversation now. Let's talk about something else, what do you like about me?'

'Your highness, why are you suddenly asking about that?'

'I've been wondering...you said I'm your first love. What did I do to make you...fall in love with me?'

(Eun makes the horse pick up the pace)

'Your heart – your kind heart, that's what I loved about you.'

'Kind? Don't joke around, Deok ah. I've been awful to you.'

'I guess you really don't remember, do you?'

'Remember what?'

'When I was young...the day my onni married the king, kids were playing around in the palace. The girls won't play with me because I wanted to play war games...and no boys wanted to play with me because I'm a girl. Then, you came...with this flower ring, telling me not to cry...calling me pretty. That's when I started to like you.'

'Why is it that I can't remember?'

'We played a couple of times...but then I had to travel about with father. You used to be fond of me, we would write letters to each other...but then...the letters came in were further and further apart, until one day...you stopped replying.'

'Did I? I'm sorry.'

(By then, the horse is galloping across the field)

'Deok ah! What did I tell you? You made it! Look! We're galloping full speed now!'

'Wh...what? How did we? Oh no! I can't! I...I can't!'

'Soondeok ah! Don't tell yourself that! Tell yourself, you can do it! Tell yourself, you can ride again! You need to believe in yourself first! Deok ah, I believe in you! You should believe too!'

(Soondeok slowly looks up)

'You're right! Your highness! Look at me! I'm riding!!'

'I told you! Love it?'

'Totally! My! I've missed this so! Go faster! Faster!'

'Hold on tight, my little dove! We're going fast!! We're going to fly!'

(Gallop for a long time – finally, the sun beings to set. Soondeok and Eun rests under a tree, looking at sunset, Eun collapses - exhausted)

'Phew! That was a nice ride wasn't it? Your highness, you alright?'

'Yeah...just that, I'm not used to riding for so long...and so fast.'

'You call this fast? I can go even faster! But I guess that's because there's two of us riding today. We should go back, it's getting late.'

'Deok ah, let's go after we watch the sun sets. Come on, sit next to me.'

(Soondeok sits down)

'Aigoo....ah, beautiful.'

'Deok ah, did you have fun today?'

'Absolutely! And you, Oppa?'

'Me too.'

(Silence)

'Your highness...I mean, Oppa.'

'Hmm?'

'What's your dream?'

'My what?'

'Dream. What you want to do, want to achieve. Have you thought about it?'

'Why would I? I don't think. I'm too dumb for that.'

'Oh...'

'What about you?'

'Me?'

'Do you know what you want to achieve? Your dream?'

'I...a bit, just a bit.'