I walked along the street with music in my ears to hopefully drown out my thoughts. No luck. My tears dropped one by one as I tried to subtly wipe them away. I know Luhan is trailing behind because... what kind of boyfriend would he be if he didn't? He kept his distance from me though. He knew I wanted to be alone. Good...I don't think I can face him after that. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be slapped by your dad in front of everyone? including your boyfriend? I thought it would help if I ate too, so I stopped at a food stand. Damn I was hungry. I didn't even wanna eat at the party. Their food tastes gross anyway. I ate slowly and didn't lift my head to look at anyone. 

I turned to look at Luhan who was a few feet away looking at me with this face I've seen before. The face I saw when I was in the hospital in Beijing when I was sick. I was chewing but didn't have much of an appetite so I left. I walked on and on ending up at our dance studio. I unlocked it going inside. I the lights and sighed. I disconnected my earphones and plugged my phone to the speakers. I dropped my other stuff on the floor and practiced all of our dances that Lay and I came up with. 

As I was dancing, I can see Luhan looking at me from outside. I wanted so badly to cry in his arms but this feeling I have is stopping me from doing just that. I practiced for hours. Sweat and tears mixed on my face and also my frustration is coming out. I don't even know how many times I messed up. I took off my jacket and threw it roughly on the floor and began again. No matter what I was doing physically didn't help me mentally. I stopped mid turn and covered my face falling to the ground crying. I punched the floor a few times before Luhan busted in, stopping me from further injuring myself. 

He held my fists and hugged me as I just cried out of frustration. I rested my head on him and cried. "let's go home..." he said helping me up. He gathered my things and locked the place up. 
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When we got home, I showered and changed. I got into my bed and just sat there with my back leaning aganist the headboard. My mind went blank. I didn't want to sit here. So I got up and snuck out grabbing a jacket on the way out. Due to the moody weather, it was sprinkling outside with a nice breeze. It felt good as the cool wind hit my skin. 

I ran to the park where I normally played basketball and sat at the benches. The rain was starting to pick up so the people who were playing packed up their things and quickly left before it got worse. I didn't care. Afterall, rain is the best way to hide tears. I just wanted to be alone now. I can't think and I can't do anything right. At times like this I miss minseok oppa and the others. Min oppa would probably tell me im insane for finally saying something before he would comfort me. I wish I can call him right now. But I didn't grab my phone. I hung my head in saddness. 

This is crazy. Who knew my life would have ended up like this? What am I gonna do? I don't know how long I sat here for. I don't even know what time it is. I suddenly thought about Luhan. What if he doesn't love me anymore after seeing me disrespect my family? What if he wants to break up because of it? I can't face him after that. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything...

" YAAH! ARE YOU CR