Teukie and I spent pretty much the rest of the day pent up in my room, just talking. He eventually just made himself comfortable on the couch that I had bought for the room a couple months ago and we continued to just talk. We laughed at memories, we cried at memories; we even made fun of memories. But I think the most painful for us to talk about was my leaving SM.

“Tell me something,” Teukie said after we had stopped crying from the memory of Donghae’s dad’s death.

“Mhm?” I asked, turning my head which was resting on my crossed arms to look at him.

“Why’d you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Leave SM.”

It was silent for a couple of minutes before I had the right answer formulated in my head. “It was something I had wanted to do not even a month into joining the company, believe me. But then one day, when I was doing my usual check up on groups’ rehearsals, I walked in on one of our choreographers screaming at the SHINee members. I mean, full out scream, purple-faced and everything.

“I had remained hidden for a few minutes to watch and find out what had happened. Turns out that Taemin had fractured his ankle in one of the rehearsals and the choreographer had found it unfit for a dancer to receive such injuries. And…” I let out a sigh at this point, calming my rage that was building up inside me as I recalled the memory that had haunted me for the entire time I was with SM. “And when Jonghyun stepped forward to defend Taemin, the choreographer had the nerve to hit him. Backhanded him right across the face. I lost it at that point. I ran in, yelling and screaming at the choreographer, telling him that he had no right to treat anybody like that. Lo and behold, it was the very same choreographer that I had the very unfortunate chance of meeting when I first met all of you. He had remembered me, too, and threw a fit saying things like ‘What did I tell you about entering my studios?’ or ‘You have no right to be here.’

“Onew stepped up and told him that if I had wanted to, I could have fired him right on the spot. Mr. Lee goes ‘This little girl here fire me? I’d love to see that.’ Oh, but little did he know that I fired his sorry . So after the SHINee incident I told myself that I couldn’t leave, no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t. But then the whole nepotism thing came up and you guys gave me an excuse to leave. I could finally leave saying that I had a legitimate reason for doing so. I mean, I had never seen a group that’s more deserving of all the fame and success you guys have achieved, and to let something like my own personal selfish desires to hold you back was against everything I had fought for and everything I believed in.”

Leeteuk looked at me. “I don’t know how you did it. I never would have had the courage to quit the way you had. I’m ashamed to say this, but…If I had been in the same position you were, I…I don’t think I would have given it up.”

I looked at him to see him crying at this point, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “Oppa, why are you crying? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure that many out there thought the same thing you had at one point or another.”

“It’s just the thought of abandoning my boys. Did you know that a few weeks after you quit, I started thinking to myself how stupid you were to give up such a high power of stature, that if I were you, I would have just kept it and let the boys figure things out for themselves? I felt horrible for it, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that the thought had crossed my mind at all.”

“Leeteuk, you gotta know something: Everyone thought the same thing you had.”

“No they didn’t.”

I sighed. “Ever since that day, at some point or another, I’ve had this same kinda day you and I are having right now with every other member in this house and they’ve all told me the same thing. And they feel the same way you do about it. Nothing but regret. Trust me. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Leeteuk smiled through his tears and said, “I still envy you to this day. You had such an amazing opportunity and you had the courage to just simply give it all up for us.”

I smiled back at him. “Like I said, oppa, I wanted to do it. You guys just gave me a reason to leave. And besides, you definitely deserved it, although I kinda wish that you did go to YG. They treat their employees the way they should be treated.”

He gave me a side long look. “How would you know that?”

Ehh. Might as well tell him, right? “After I left SM I went to check out YG. They run an amazing company, and all their employees are treated right.”

“YOU WENT TO YG?!” Leeteuk asked me, shooting up in shock.

I smiled nervously. “Well, yeah…”

“How could you have gone to YG?!”

“I liked being in the industry too much. I liked being able to help debut great talent. I just liked my job too much, but I hated SM even more. So I found a common ground and went to work for YG for awhile,” I explained.

Leeteuk blinked at me. “Who did you help debut?”

“Well, um…Ever heard of a little band called Big Bang?”

“YOU HELPED BIG BANG DEBUT?!” Leeteuk looked sincerely shocked and I didn’t know if that were a good thing or a bad thing.

“I admit. I had a crush on Seungri at the time, so I worked hard to get them to debut, which happened about a year after you guys. A couple days before my birthday. Yang Hyun-Seok called it my early birthday present.” I smiled at the memory.

“Yah! I can’t believe you helped debut another band!”

“Leeteuk, why are you getting so worked up about this? I don’t understand!”

He sighed. “I suppose I’m just a little upset that you helped debut another band that’s more famous than we are.”

I scoffed. “More famous?! Excuse me?! I may have helped Big Bang debut, but who am I practically managing now, huh? It most certainly is not them! And if you’re saying that they’re more famous than Super Junior, then you are insulting my PR work, mister.”

He laughed at me. “You’re funny, Uki.” Then he sighed. “But thank you for giving up so much for us.”

“Oh here we go again,” I said with a little laugh. “I told you not to worry about it. It was my own free choice and I’m happy I made it.”

Leeteuk let out a little laugh and a faraway look entered his eyes. “Did you know that after we debuted, before every single show, we’d always say ‘For Uki’ before we went on stage?”

I looked at him, blinking. “Wh-what? Why would you say such a thing like that?”

“Because. If it weren’t for you, there wouldn’t have been a show for us to perform. We’d probably still be in training or working for YG or just have dispersed without anyone ever knowing our names. The shows were a result of what you did, and we dedicated every single one of them to you. We still do,” he said, looking at me with a smile.

I smiled back and laughed. “Even when Donghae’s dad died?”

“Well…Maybe you have to share the dedication, but still.”

I laughed and promptly stood, saying that I was hungry and dragging him out by the hand. I don’t think either one of us had realized what time it was, but when I looked at the clock, a steady 11:38 was pulsing at me. Wteff? We spent that long talking?! Whoa…

I looked up to see Leeteuk pulling out his Tupperware I had prepared for him as he began splitting the food and sticking it in the microwave. I smiled to myself slightly, leaning against the kitchen doorway, arms crossed. I didn’t care that we had just spent an entire day talking. Just looking at his happy face made it all worth it<3