Uki’s POV~

You thought that with my whole dramatic self and all that I went into my room, threw a whole fit, packed all my suitcases, screamed a lot, yelled a whole bunch, threw things, threatened to leave, and punched the walls, didn’t you? Hahahahahaha!

No.

I went into my room and slept off my headache like I had wanted to in the beginning. I think I got a good two hours of sleep in before someone timidly knocked on my door, waking me up for the second time that morning.

“What do you want?” I asked groggily, refusing to open my eyes to look at whoever the intruder was. I pulled my blanket over my eyes to block out the sunlight that was streaming through the open curtains. Jesus Christ, why were the curtains always open?!

“Uki, can you look at me while I talk to you, please? I have something very important to say,” said a shy voice.

I sighed, recognizing the voice immediately. “What is it, Leeteuk?” I pulled the blanket to right beneath my eyes so I could peek at him while he was talking, the bright sunlight stinging my tired eyes.

He was sitting on the computer chair, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped together in front of him, a scared look on his face. I noticed a bright red handprint on his cheek. Hmph. Serves him right.

“Um, Uki…I’m really sorry I said the things I had to you, you’ve gotta believe me,” he started out.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah, like I haven’t heard that one before.”

“Let me finish, okay? Super Junior is almost like my family. And being the leader of the group, I feel that it’s MY responsibility to look after all the members, even those who aren’t here anymore.”

I felt a pain stab at my chest. Hangeng. I remember his lawsuit and deeply, deeply regretted not being able to help defend him in court during his lawsuit with SM. I slowly sat up, the blanket bunching up around my waist as I looked to Leeteuk for the rest of what he had to say.

“And it kills me inside whenever something like a scandal hits us because I hate it when I know that people are out there attacking us. Me I don’t care so much about, but when it comes to the other members, it just kills me. They don’t know how hard we work just for them, to make ourselves more likable,” Leeteuk said, looking like he was about to cry.

“Oppa, you gotta know that not everybody in the world is going to like you. I mean, if Lee Soo-man, Jiwon, and I had seen eye to eye, do you honestly think that I’d be going to school trying to become a lawyer right now? Heck no. I’d be taking Soo-man’s place by now, making sure that people like you received better treatment than what you get. There would be no such thing as scandal because I would be treating you guys with the respect that you deserve, and I wouldn’t be trying to force you guys to break your wholesome image by taking quote unquote ‘y’ pictures with half- models,” I replied.

He let out a sigh as a tear fell to the laminate floor. “I know, I know, but I just wish everyone could open their eyes to just simply see how hard we work. That’s all I really want. You know, I used to stay up every night praying that people would open their minds more. I still do.”

I bit my lip and grabbed one of his hands, pulling it up to touch my necklace. “Do you know the story behind how I got this necklace?”

Leeteuk rubbed the solid gold and jade encrusted Buddha pendant for a moment before pulling his hand away and saying, “No. I’ve always wondered, but…”

“When I was ten and first got transferred over to the States, I saw for the first time how much different the rest of the world was compared to our quaint little Seoul,” I began. “I saw homeless men, beggars, thieves, robbers, rapists, anything you can think of, I guarantee you I’ve seen and or heard of it in the States. Now don’t get me wrong. I was just as much of a hardcore protestant as each of my family members were, if not more hardcore about it. I practically fell asleep with The Bible open on my face every night from my late night readings and I spent every night praying to God.

“At first, I prayed for selfish things, like passing all my classes, meeting a cute boy, getting the new phone I’d wanted, silly, childish things like that. And I usually got them, too. But then, as I was verging on eleven, I began praying for wiser things, things that would benefit the entirety of the world. I began praying for an end to world hunger, a cure for cancer, an end to wars, an end to famines, a sliver of hope for all the homeless and poor people of the world. And the silly thing was, I actually expected it to happen. But when it didn’t, I started getting angry.

“I knew it was a completely irrational and unreasonable thing to feel, but I was angry at God. I mean, if he could answer all my prayers about all the silly and childish things I had asked for, why couldn’t he answer my prayers about serious things such as a cure for cancer or an end to wars? And after I started thinking this, I began questioning my faith in Him, which eventually led to me shutting my Bible in my drawer and leaving it there, never touching it again.

“A couple months after I knew that I didn’t believe in God anymore, I began reading about Buddhism in my history class. I was amazed at how this simple religion that had started out as a branch from Hinduism had come into being because of a prince who gave up everything in his life because he knew what was right and wrong. He knew that everything in life caused suffering, no matter what it was. That worldly possessions are what caused people their pain and that in order to be rid of this pain, they had to let go of all their worldly possessions that they believed gave them happiness and satisfaction in life. And after I read this, I began thinking to myself, this guy really knows that he’s talking about! Christianity taught that one should always be thankful for everything one has in life and has ever achieved, that God was the one to thank for it all. But what made no sense to me was, if one had to thank God for all of one’s worldly possessions, didn’t that mean that one could also thank God for all the pain and suffering experienced in one’s life?  And from then on, I knew that I wanted to convert to Buddhism. Telling my parents, on the other hand, was an entirely different story.

“I had decided to wait until we had the whole family together for Christmas to announce it to everyone. And when we were all seated at the table, my mother asked me, ‘Uki, why don’t you say grace? I just realized that these past few months, you’ve been having your father and I say it.’ And after a couple seconds of panic, I finally told her, ‘No.’ She was confused at first, but then my dad told me, ‘Uki, don’t be ridiculous. Tell God how thankful you are for everything you have.’ And that’s when I flat out told everyone, ‘God is a joke, and so is this whole entire faith. I have nothing to thank God for because he gave me nothing.’ After I saw that everyone was speechless, I continued with ‘And I stopped believing in the Christian faith for the past couple of months. I lost faith in Him, and there’s no way on Earth that He could ever regain it again. I’ve decided that I want to be a Buddhist.’ That was the first and only time that either one of my parents ever laid a hand on me.

“My father slapped me right across the face and yelled and screamed, throwing a Bible at my face in anger and retaliation. Siwon and mommy had to restrain him. I honestly don’t know what he would have done to me if they hadn’t. Jiwon, of course, was just simply sitting there, saying grace to herself quietly. I remember daddy yelling, ‘You see Jiwon?! That’s what a good daughter looks like! That’s what a thankful daughter looks like! That’s what a believer in God looks like! You are none of those things, so therefore you are not my daughter!’

“It took him years to finally accept it. He actually didn’t until I took up the position with SM to get away from home for awhile. My mother didn’t accept it either, but she just never voiced her opinions. When I took Kim Young-min’s offer after he found me on a scouting trip, daddy called me up one night and told me, ‘It took me a very long time to come to this realization, and I apologize for that, Uki, but I understand it now. The way I acted toward you the night you told us your decision was not the way a Christian man ought to have behaved. I came to realize this the moment you boarded your plane to step onto the career path of a young woman. Sometimes I think that you’re a twenty-year-old woman trapped in the body of a thirteen-year-old girl by the way you handle things and carry yourself. You managed to get yourself a job at one of the most powerful and influential companies in the entire entertainment industry of all of South Korea, and you have no one to thank for that other than yourself for your hard work and determination. And although I don’t necessarily believe that your decision is the best one, I do support it and I have a surprise for you once you come home.’

“I ended up flying home that night just to see what it was. And after all the fighting, all the yelling, all the crying, all the hating that had gone on in the Choi household since I had announced that I was no longer a believer of the Christian faith, my father, the one who despised my decision the most, the one who no longer staked claim as my father, the one who was one of the most dedicated and smart missionary pastors I knew, presented me with this beautiful necklace, showing me that he finally accepted me for who I was.

“What was the point of me telling you this ridiculously long story? Well, it wasn’t to bore you to death nor was it to convert you to Buddhism, but to show you what I had overcome to get this necklace. To me, this necklace represents all the struggles I went through in my entire lifetime to get it, to regain the approval and respect of my parents that I had somehow lost along the way. And to anyone else, it should show that nothing in life is impossible. That if you have enough determination and faith in what you believe in, anything can be done. It shows that you should ignore anyone who tries to tell you otherwise because they don’t know your story, the background from which you came, or the things that go on in your life.

“So what I’m telling you, oppa, is that not everyone out there is going to be a fan of Super Junior. There’s always going to be those people in the world who are not going to like your music or not like you or not like the members, but you just have to determine for yourself which group of people are worth your effort to work harder for:

“Your fans, who love and adore you and are there for you no matter what.

“Or your haters, who are always going to be narrow-minded about everything and never change their opinions.

“But to me? The choice is pretty clear.”

Leeteuk was silent for a second before he looked up at me, a smile on his tear-streaked face. “I think I agree with your father. You are well beyond your years when it comes to wisdom.” He stood up and hugged me, saying, “Thank you, Uki. Thank you so much.”

I smiled up at him and, without a moment’s hesitation, said, “That’s what I’m here for, oppa.”

It was the closest thing I could find that could kind of fit my description of the necklace. :P