“Hyung!”  Goon Yoo, the boy whom Junsu met at the Banpo Bridge called him.

“Goon Yoo.” He acknowledged her presence and nodded.

“Are you thinking about her again?”

Junsu ruffled his hair and smiled. Goon Yoo had been his buddy everytime he goes to the place. The little boy’s parents works at a restaurant near the place and he wanders around while waiting for them.

“How did you know?”

The boy sat beside him and stared at the every beautiful river.

“You once told me that going to this place reminds you of her.” He said.

“I did?”

“Yup.”

“My friend went to meet her and he never told me about it.” He felt free to tell Goon Yoo everything. The boy may not understand a single thing about his situation, at least he was always there to listen and that was Junsu needed.

“He did?”

“Yup.”

“Then visit her too.”

“I can’t”

“Why?”

“She may not like it.”

The boy frowned.

“Hyung, she loves you.”

Junsu smiled at his wittiness.

“How did you know?”

“Because you’re kind. You always buy me food.”

He laughed.

“Is that enough?”

“Ah huh.” he nodded. He believed that you only have to be kind to be loved. “I want to meet her when she returns.” He suddenly requested.

“You have so much to learn Goon Yoo.”

“He loves you hyung.”

“I hope so.”

But before that…

“Princess.” He smiled in relief when he saw her Baby and her wife at the guess room. YooMi was peacefully sleeping while Rei was watching TV. He kissed her sleeping baby and went to Rei afterwards. He bowed to kiss her forehead. The smile he showed a while ago suddenly faded when he sensed that something was wrong.

“Princess?” he said as he gently combed her hair with his fingers.

Rei’s eyes were focused on the TV as if she didn’t saw her husband. She also didn’t respond to his touch.

“Princess I’m here.” He whispered to her ears.

But again, no reaction from her was heard.

“Princess?” he tried once again, a spark of fear once again appeared to his chest. He leaned to her face and kissed her lips. He longed for her warm and soothing kiss that time, but to his dismay, cold and loveless lips welcomed his yearning.

“She’s still under medication.” Jaejoong said. His back was against the door.

Yoochun didn’t notice that he followed him and silently looked at them, watching him while he was in confusion.

“M-medication?” He can’t understand. Rei was so okay before he left and that was only three days ago.

And Jaejoong started to tell him what the psychiatrist said.

“Mr. Kim, imagine this balloon is your sister’s heart.” She showed her an airless balloon and started to pump air from a small pump.

“Let’s pretend that the air I pump is the heartaches and disappointments she encountered.”

Jaejoong just looked at the balloon and listened to what the doctor was saying. He was like hypnotized on it.

“Little by little, the air is saved up inside… making it bigger and heavier…” the balloon was slowly getting bigger as it was stretched by the air.

“And when the time comes, when this air is not set loose… it will….explode…” and boom… the air balloon exploded because there was too much air pumped in. Jaejoong eyes widened. He got what the doctor was trying to say.

“But we are still lucky that Mrs. Park hasn’t reached that point, at least not yet.”

There was a little sigh of relief that escaped Jae’s heart but still… he can’t help but to worry.

“H-how can we help her…?”

“Medicine can help but you know the answer to your question… there is something that science can’t give… and that is the love from her family.”

He looked down and took a deep breath… tears were on the verge of falling.

“Make her feel loved and secure… that’s the only way.”

“But she seemed like far away.”

“Like I said….” The doctor sighed. “Depression is slowly taking her. She’s on the verge of having a nervous break down and if this is not fixed, she could end up in a mental institution.”

That statement seriously sent goose bumps all over Jaejoong’s body. He couldn’t imagine his sister with those people who lost their mind. He will not allow it… And he had to do something.

“She will recover…”

“When?”

“Days… weeks… months… that depends on how much love she is receiving.”

Yoochun cursed under his nose and hugged the emotionless Rei tightly. Who would have thought that his leaving caused a major impact on her?

“I’m sorry…” his tears began to flow. He didn’t care if Jaejoong was looking, in fact, the master of the house was also weeping.

He kneeled in front of her and rested his head on her lap and cried his heart out. He wanted her to respond, show the smile that he fell in love with, the hug and the caress that he was missing… but all he got was pure coldness. Her eyes were fixed on the TV screen but they knew that she was not really watching… they were blank and emotionless and her mind was floating… somewhere…

And as if fate is playing on them… the doorbell rang and Rei’s OB GYNE appeared.

“Good afternoon.” The chubby doctor smiled at Jaejoong who opened the door.

He smiled and bowed.

“I’m Park Rei Mi’s OB GYNE… I went to their house but nobody’s home and someone told me this address.”

He let her come in.

“I’m her brother.” He introduced himself.

He didn’t have the idea on what was so urgent that the doctor needed to visit her personally.

“Nice to meet you. “  She smiled. “I need to talk to your sister but her phone was always out of reach.”

“You can’t talk to her right now.”

“Why?” she frowned. “Can I at least talk to her husband?”

He nodded and went to call Yoochun.

“Hi.” She stood and bowed to Yoochun.”

“Hi.” He faked a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“I heard what happened to you baby.” she started as soon as Yoochun sat on the sofa across her. Jaejoong also sat beside him, all ears. “And I’m sorry that I’m not there to help. I went to the states for some matters.”

“Rei told me about it.” He informed her.

“You see, I just arrived yesterday and what my friend told me really was serious. I thought it was okay to leave because it wasn’t her due yet.”

“Yes… she had a miscarriage 7 weeks before her supposed delivery.”

“Miscarriage?” the doctor frowned.

“Yes… the baby came out because she tried to go to Japan… you told us that it’s not good for her to travel since she’s having a difficult pregnancy.” Yoochun was starting to get annoyed. The lady in front of them is a doctor but she seemed like she knew nothing.

“Mr. Park…” she straightened her back. “I think you got it all wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“The doctor who took care of your wife told me that she lost the baby but not because she tried to go to Japan and was stressed out because of it.”

That did it. He stood angrily.  Jaejoong just watched.

“What are trying to say? That my baby just came out because he wanted to?”

“Yes.” She nodded as a matter of factly.

“That’s stupid!”

“It’s not.”

“Doctor… please… this is not the right time for this kind of sick joke. My wife is seriously having problems and we are all saddened by that lost.” He bursted out.

“I know… let me explain.” She remained calm and composed.

“Yah… sit down.” Jaejoong told his brother-in-law.

“I guess Rei didn’t tell you about it.” She once again started.

“Tell me about what?” Yoochun’s forehead wrinkled. He was obviously irritated.

“That your baby’s heart was not developing normally.”

And he was shut off.

“The baby lost his heart beat on his sixth month and it was inevitable with that case.”

“What?” Jaejoong was the first one to react because Yoochun was shot frozen.

“The day when she tried to go to Japan, the baby was already dead. She was lucky because he somehow chose to come out than to stay inside…. Or else…..” she breathed in some air.

“Or else what?” Jae asked.

“She could have died with her baby.”

The brothers gasped… Yoochun couldn’t find the words to say… he was so shock with what he heard.

 But the doctor continued.

“I told her about the seriousness of her situation. She knew that the baby will die sooner or later but she insisted o i advised her to seek for a second opinion when we found out about the baby’s weak heart. I told her about my colleague who specializes on those cases in Japan.”

“Where?”

“In Japan…” the doctor both looked at their reaction. She didn’t know Saki and she didn’t have a single clue of what was happening.

Yoochun instantly covered his face with his palms in desperation. He didn’t know what to think anymore.

“He didn’t tell me about this.”

“I guess she don’t want you to worry. She was hoping that the baby will have a normal growth inside her womb so she took the risk but it didn’t happen. The baby didn’t die because of stress or something… he had a weak heart… he will die eventually. And if Rei suffered from stress that time… that will just weaken the baby’s heart more… but still….”

The two guys remained quiet so the doctor stood and bowed.

“I better go…”

Jaejoong nodded.

It had been half an hour but none of them stood. Yoochun rested his back on the back rest of the sofa and stared blankly at the ceiling while Jaejoong was gently massaging his head. Rei was depressed and the news was like a bomb the exploded in front of them.

“I blamed my wife for the things that she had nothing to do with…” Yoochun sniffed. “How stupid can I get?”

Jaejoong tapped Yoochun’s knee and copied his position. Both guys stared at the ceiling, looking for solution and answers for all their questions.

“I’m strong.” Jae said. “I can sure handle this kind of stuff but why does my sisters have to suffer them all? I wish I can make all their pains go away.”

“Hyung…” Jaejoong saw the tears streaming down on Yoochun’s face. He was the cry baby of the group. He always cry when they win an award but that time those tears were far from what they called tears of joy… he was mourning.

“I don't know what to do anymore.” He said desperately.

“Me either.” Jae admitted.

“Junsu!” Yunho called even before the dolphin could park his car at their dorm.

“Hyung?” he answered back with a little irritation on his voice. Scolding from their leader was the last thing he needed.

“You didn’t answer my calls.” He accused when he was about to enter the house.

“My phone is off.”

“You have to face her then.”

“Who?” he frowned.

“Xiah Oppa!!!” And his biggest irritation was once again in front of his face.

Zhang, like she always did in the past gave him her biggest smile.

He didn’t ask why she was there. He was so sure that she came to bug him.

“Let’s go to the Lotte World.” She hooked her arm to Junsu.

“You can go there by your self.” He said uninterested and immediately unhooked her arm.

“Oppa…” she begged. “Let’s go out even for a while. You need some fresh air.”

Junsu then frowned. He really didn’t like Zhang acting like she knows everything. If she was Saki… he would definitely go with her without having second thoughts….

“Zhang… I will surely have fresh air if you quit pestering me.” Junsu said.

Changmin let go of a loud chuckled. Zhang gave the maknae a glare but it didn’t make him stop. He wasn’t afraid of the Chinese Witch… and never will.

“I’m sorry.” She stood proudly. “But I will never give up on you.”

“You know what.” Junsu took a deep breath to clam himself down. “Even if Saki decided not to return, even if she gave up on me… even if you are the last girl here on earth… I will still not choose you.” he whispered loudly.

She chuckled. “Don't throw words that you cannot stand on. You still don't know what I can do.”

“Then do it now.” He challenged him. “There is nothing that you can scare me of.”

“She will not return Xiah. Accept it.” She pointed at his heart. “Little Saki decided to hide because that’s all she can do. She cannot stand for you or even fight for you. She didn’t even listen.”

Junsu stepped forward and leaned closer to her face. They were only a breath away and Zhang felt her blood rush to her face. They eyes met and he didn’t even blink. They could smell each other’s breath and Zhang thanked the heavens for that moment.

“If…” Junsu started. “You will not get that hideous face of yours out of this house… I will make sure that even your parents wouldn’t recognize it. Maybe you are the one who doesn’t know me yet. I’m tired of you Zhang… and I reached my limit. Get the hell out of here before I forget that you are a girl.” He hissed without a blink.

Zhang swallowed hard. And He saw a spark of fear through her eyes. She was scared. The Chinese witch was finally scared.

Yunho and Changmin who were watching exchanged glances with each other. Changmin was satisfied while Yunho was worried.

Saki’s absence was slowly taking its toll on Junsu.

Even the fans noticed his weight loss when they released their album. His lack of liveliness was also detected by the ever keen Cassiopeia. Many of them showed and sent their concerns but Junsu just shrugged it all off, saying and pretending that everything was just alright.

Yunho sometimes wished that their schedules would end so late at night so that Junsu would have no choice but to go straight to bed and sleep. It was exhausting for all of them but that was the only way for him to have a peaceful and trouble free mind even just for a while.  But sometimes, even in his sleep, Saki would still be in his dreams that eventually turned into nightmares. Junsu was never the same and Yunho was saddened because of it.

He was still in deep thought when his cell phone rang, making everyone including Junsu and Zhang stopped from what they were doing. Junsu took that chance and left Zhang and went straight to his room.

“Yoboseo?” Yunho greeted his Omma over the phone. He didn’t have time for any disturbances that time. He badly wanted to help Junsu and it was all what was taking his mind that time.

“Yah… Yunho.” His mom said calmly. “She’s going home now.”

“Omma… I don't have time now. I’ll just call later.” He said without really getting what his Omma said. His thoughts were caught hostage by his friend’s problem.

His Omma sighed. “Well then… she wants to send her farewell to you.”

Yunho just nodded and ended that phone call.

After Zhang left, the two guys heard Junsu slammed something inside his room. It made them furious so they followed him in. They were shocked to find the dolphin wildly punching the wall like it was a punching bag. His knuckles were bloody and broken. His face was blood shot red but he had no plan to stop.

“Hyung!” Changmin ran as soon as he saw what he was doing. He hugged him from behind and forcefully dragged him away from the wall where his blood scattered like paint.

“Let me go!” Junsu fought back.

“No! Stop hurting yourself!”

But Junsu was still forcing himself to be free from Changmin’s strength… until Yunho spoke which made them both stopped.

“Cut this out.” The leader said authoritatively. “Changmin, get the first aid kit for me.” He commanded and the maknae immediately nodded and went out.

Junsu was left alone with their leader.

“Have you seen yourself in the mirror?” he asked him. “You look like trash Junsu.” He said honestly. Junsu seemed to forget the use of comb since his heart broke. He also forgot how to socialize like he used to.

“Yoochun hyung…” he said, half sobbing. The thought of Saki made him once again teary eyed and disturbed. His heart once again beat erratically inside his chest, giving him a hard time to breath.

“He went to Japan… he saw Saki…” His tears finally fell when he mentioned her name. The name made his nights sleepless for the past months.

“He did?” Yunho calmly sat down on Junsu’s bed and motioned him to sit beside him.

Junsu followed and leaned on the floor, using his knees and arms for support. Yunho saw blood drift from his knuckles but it didn’t seem to bother Junsu at all.

“I want to see her hyung.” His voice couldn’t even pass for a whisper. There was suddenly a lump on his throat that he cannot explain how and when it came from.

“It’s been months and you didn’t go anywhere… You succeeded on not moving on. You are stuck where Saki left you.”

“Because I want her to see me when she returns.”

“In that look? Broken and in pain? Is that the looks you want her to see?”

He gave his hyung  a hurtful cry.

“And what do you want me to do? Pretend to be okay when we all know that I am not whole anymore? Hyung, I wish that I knew what happened that day… I least I can defend myself but this stupid brain…” he then slapped his forehead. “This stupid brain refuses to remember anything… Every night… I only wishes for one thing hyung… you can call me an idiot for wishing on the every star and I won’t care because I will do anything for her to come back.”

Yunho smiled while he shook his head.

He had so much explaining to do….

********************************************

That will be for the next chapter…

Sorry…. Connection problems…. Again….

I will reply to your comments on the next chapter…. may be tomorrow… thanks for waiting…..

Comments… suggestions and violent reactions are so loved…. Keep them coming…

aejae22

BY HOOK OR BY CROOK