“The only thing worse then being hated is being ignored. At least when they hate you they treat you like you exist.”

“You have to take your medicine on time.” Jaejoong told his sister but she just kept on looking on one spot and her mind was being flown with the wind.

“Mimi, are you listening?” he lifted her chin to get her attention.

“Huh?” she looked at him, puzzled.

“Did you hear what I said?” he sighed.

She just looked at him.

“Mimi, you need to take care of your self.”

“No need, Yoo Jae is gone.”  And she rubbed her empty tummy.

Her voice was lifeless. She didn’t drop a single tear but Jaejoong wished she just cried all her miseries away than to remain quiet. Her eyes showed the perfect example of grief.

“But you’re still here. Your daughter needs you.” He said, trying to lift her up but he somehow knew that it was useless.

No one can make a mother cheer up after she lost her son. Nothing beats that pain.

“Really?” she looked at him. “Do you think YooMi will not curse me when she grow up and learn that I killed her unborn brother?”

“Mimi!” Jae raised her voice.

He dropped the bag where all Rei’s things were while they’re in the hospital on the floor. And they had just arrived home. With Yoochun nowhere to be found, Jaejoong took the initiative to make sure that everything was okay for his sister and niece.

“You didn’t kill your baby. Nobody wanted it to happen!”

“But I could’ve avoided it… Yoo-chi said it was my fault and he was right.”

He took a deep breath and looked at his sister with so much concern. Her eyes were showing the same emotions when Yoochun left her and to his observation, they even became worse.

“Mimi, don't blame your self.”

“Then who will I blame?”

Then a total silence…. Jaejoong couldn’t find a word to say so he just cursed under his breath.

She got up and headed for the door. Jaejoong didn’t know what was inside her head but he followed her anyway.

She opened the door of the nursery and saw all what Yoochun did. The bear that lied on the floor took her attention. She kneeled in front of it but she didn’t dare to touch the poor toy.

Jaejoong frowned when he saw the chaos on that room. The once well-designed nursery can now pass for a storage room.

“Who did this?” but he soon got the answer to his own question. Yoochun had been there. And by the looks of it, his anger really reached the maximum height.

“I’ll ask Uncle Lee to clean this up.” He was about to go but Rei stood and pulled his hand.

“No.” she whispered. “I will clean this myself.”

“But-“

She shook her head and gave a weary smile.

“This is the least I can do for my son.”

Jaejoong, for the 10^th time that day, he felt sorry for his sister. She was always the one who suffer the most. She already lost her son and her imprudent husband blamed her for the thing that she didn’t want to happen. Jaejoong was sure mad and his instinct to defend her once again came alive but that time, he chose to remain calm and quiet. He chose to shut his mouth and did nothing but observe.

He helped her clean the room. He got two huge boxes to store all the baby stuffs. He saw how Rei struggled to fight her tears everytime she had to put something into those two boxes. Every single thing had a deep meaning and value for her. After all, they belonged to her unborn son.

He smiled when she succeeded to fight the tears but the pain on her eyes was still there. He guessed that that’s the way it should be. She will soon recover. He believed it.

Rei is a strong girl so as Saki. Jaejoong’s sisters were like flowers that had been battered down by a storm, but not quite destroyed. He was sure that gradually, they will begin to strengthen and bloom again just like they always did with the past storms.

“Mimi, shall I throw this broken feeding bottle?” he carefully picked every piece on the floor, afraid to cut himself.

“No.” she said and got a small box and put everything on it.

“Why do you need to keep it? It’s trash.”

“These are my treasures now Oppa, something to remind me of my little boy.” She then hugged the box that contained the broken feeding bottles.

“You can always have another one, knowing your husband.” He chuckled at his own words but Rei just looked at him.

She wasn’t even sure if Yoochun had forgiven her or will ever to forgive her. Rei never saw her husband as angry as that before. His eyes were so fiery and he was ready to kill.

“He suffered too much from this lost.”

Jae wanted to say something but again, he held himself from erupting. It wasn’t the right time for it.

The night came and Yoochun finally arrived home. He went straight to their room and saw his wife, silently sitting in front of the window, staring into nothingness. He quickly took a shower and went straight to bed, covered himself with the warm blanket and closed his eyes without saying goodnight to her. Not even a single word was spoken. The couple felt strangers to each other.

He fell asleep with his back against her. After a few hours, he woke up and saw Rei, still sitting in front of the window in deep thoughts. The window was open and she had no jacket to keep her warm. He instantly felt the urge to stand up and get something to cover her but he stopped himself from doing so. Instead, he went back to sleep.

He woke up the next morning and saw Rei on the position she had last night, still in deep thoughts. Her facial expression was blank and inert. He stood and went inside to the bathroom and gave himself a nice warm bath. He then headed in the kitchen. He was surprised to see the breakfast prepared for him just like Rei used to do.

But because the anger was still alive inside his chest, he chose not to eat what was prepared for him and preceded to his schedule.

That set up continued for days… and days turned into weeks and without Yoochun noticing weeks became one month. It had been a month since he started to ignore his wife.

Rei did what she usually does. She was a good wife who did everything to serve her husband. Standing up from sleepless nights and cooking for him even though he never ate what she prepared, she still did it because she knew it was her obligation and her responsibility.

She took care of YooMi like any mother will. She always cleaned their house and did the chores like a usual house wife does.

But when during the nights, the couple was in total coldness and distantness. They never once sleep facing each other’s back before. But since Yoo Jae left, every night meant sorrows for Rei and silent tears for Yoochun.

The couple never failed to show their love for their daughter. But for the two of them, they showed pure unhappiness and despair. They never once talk like before. Rei tried to open a conversation once but Yoochun went away even before she could even start. She never tried again after that.

No one ever dared to visit the nursery after that tragedy. No one ever dared to step and take a peek at the once adored room.

DBSK’s album was a massive success and they continued to climb on the highest mountain. Each member were looked up to and admired. Nobody noticed that the two of them were suffering.

One was suffering because of a broken heart and he refused to move one. While the other one was suffering from a lost.

They were expert when it comes to hiding their true feelings. It was for the benefit of the fans.

But Yoochun finally reached his limit.

He couldn’t stand to stay on their house with so many memories of his beloved son. He couldn’t stand to stay with the person who let him die.

After a major concert, he asked for a break. He was going somewhere. His anger inside him was slowly eating him alive. He wanted to let it all out. He wanted to talk to the person why Rei did all what he believed to be stupid.

He didn’t tell anyone where he was going except to the most trusted ‘HYUNG’, Leeteuk.

He started to pack his things the moment he got the permission from their manager and big boss.

He put everything that he needed inside his bag in a hurry. He was about to finish when Rei entered their room and saw what he was doing. Fear instantly succumbed her. It was the same feeling when he first left. And that time, she didn’t control herself from asking, the first time since that baby left.

“W-where are you going?” Her eyes started to water but she told herself not to cry.

Yoochun didn’t answer. He continued what he was doing.

“Are you going to leave me again?”

And he stopped. He remembered the night when he forced his self to tell lies just for her to hate him, the very night where he took her life away.

Her eyes were pleading and she hugged him from behind.

“Please don't go…” she said as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

He sighed. He missed her hugs and he really needed to go. He never uttered a single word because he knew it will just make the matter worst. He zipped his bag securely and freed himself from her hug and went out of that house with looking back.

Rei was left on their room.

 When he first left, she cried her heart out and begged for him to stay, but that day, she just stood at the door and watched her husband leave. She wanted to shout and ran after him but her feet were like stones. They refused to follow what her mind was telling them. No tears fell down from her eyes. But the heart shattering feeling was just the same. The horrendous feeling she once prayed not to feel again was inside her heart for the second time around. Her head felt so heavy and her heart felt like there were a thousand horses running inside her and crushing her heart into a million pieces.

She lost her bestfriend.

She lost her son.

And she lost her husband.

What more could she ask for?

**************************************

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