Everyone was wearing black. Everyone hold flowers on their hands. Everyone show dull faces. Everyone cry. They come to make their last meeting and gave their last wish. Because after today, they will never meet him anymore.

Xin Ling hold her tears. Yunho, Yoochun, Junsu and Changmin also hardly hold their sadness. Appa? From the face, everyone knows how sad he is but he still calm. Maybe from outside he looks calm, but his heart totally breaks into pieces.

Xin Ling burst into tears at the end. She cried like a child. No one able to stops her. No one! Because today, she lost someone that she loves the most in the world. She lost her brother, Han Jaejoong.

Xin Ling almost fainted because of too weak. Everyone who comes look her with pity. Because everyone knows how precious Jaejoong to Xin Ling.

-Xin Ling POV-

She still lay on her brother bed. After the funeral ceremony, she went directly to Jaejoong’s room. Right after she enter the room, she could not hold her tears from drop. She opens her brother’s wardrobe. All the shirts are still hanging with neat. Xin Ling took a blue polo shirt that she gave to Jaejoong as a gift 2 years ago.

Flashback

“Oppa, why you not wear the shirt I gives to you? You don’t like it?”

“Aniyo. Of course I like it. It’s just that I don’t like blue.”

“Oppa, you’re so mean. You know how hard I get that shirt. I buy it with my own money. I work for it.”

“Really? Hm...so, if that case, I need to wear it.”

“It’s okay. Don’t wear it if you don’t like. Just don’t throw it away. Let it be in your wardrobe all the time.”

“Aigoo, my sis looks beautiful when you do that sulking face...Xin Ling-ah, I love everything my sis gives to me. I don’t wear it because that shirt is too precious to me.”

“But I want you to wear it...not just hanging in your wardrobe.”

“Okay, I will go and show it to you now. I will wear it for the whole day.”

“Even at office?”

“You want me to wear it to office?”

“Aniyo. I’m just joking. Of course you cannot wear just t-shirt to office, right.”

“Well, as you wish it, I will wear it even to office.”

“Really?”

“Well, maybe just for today. Satisfied?”

-End of Flashback-

Xin Ling cried again. How can she live without her brother? Even before when Jaejoong went to business trip for a few days she already cannot stay apart then how about now? She needs to stay in reality that she will never see Jaejoong anymore.

Xin Ling close her eyes. She doesn’t want to see anything because every single thing in the room makes her missed Jaejoong.

Then suddenly she could feel a hand on her shoulder. She opens her eyes slowly. Jaejoong!

“Yah, why are you sleeping here, on my bed? Wanna sleep with your oppa?”

Xin Ling rush wake up and sit on the bed. She could not believe what she sees.

“Wae? Before this you said that you already big enough and refuse to sleep with me. Change your mind already?”

Xin Ling hug her brother tightly.

“Jae oppa...I will never argue with you anymore. I will listen to you well. I will do everything you said. But please don’t leave me. Please...”

Jaejoong just quiet. Xin Ling cried on her brother’s shoulder.

“Jae oppa, please don’t leave me...” Said Xin Ling again. Jaejoong loose the hug.

“Shhh...I will never leave you...because I know, I will always be in your heart...forever.”

“Aniyo...aniyo...I want you always be with me. Always be in front of my eyes. Not just in my heart.”

“Look, I’m here right now. In front you. As long as you don’t forget me, I will always be in front you. Just please don’t forget your oppa, okay?”

Xin Ling shook her head. She cried hardly and barely hard to talk. Xin Ling wipe her tears. She wanna look her brother clearly. But she could not see Jaejoong anymore. She screams for Jaejoong’s name.

“Xin Ling...Xin Ling.” She opens her eyes and saw Yunho and the others at her side.

“I want my Jae oppa...” Yunho hug Xin Ling. He could not say a word. No one able to calm Xin Ling because nothing can make her feel better.

-End of Xin Ling POV-

A week passes already after Jaejoong’s death. Xin Ling refuse to talk even refuse to eat. Mia, Jess and Taecyeon had come to visit but Xin Ling doesn’t say a word to them. She even doesn’t out from her room. So, everyone was worried about her. Every day she becomes weak.

Xin Ling sit at the veranda and look at her white lady pottery. She also could see the grape plant from her veranda. One tears drop. The memories with Jaejoong come again.

“Jae oppa, what if I die first?”

“Why are you asking that?”

“Well, just answer me.”

“I will ask you the same question then. What if I die first?”

“But Oppa, I ask you first.”

“If you don’t want to answer me, then forget about the question.”

“If you die before me, then I will follow you.”

Xin Ling nod. The memories with Jaejoong when they went to Jaejoong’s orphanage home and she regrets to ask that question to Jaejoong.

“You really go first...and leave me here.”

Xin Ling could hear someone knock the door and she just ignore it.

“Xin Ling...” Called Ahjumma.

“Here, I found it in Jae’s drawer when I want to clean up the room. It has your name on it. So, I think it is for you.” Ahjumma handed a small black box to Xin Ling then she leaves.

Xin Ling could see her name written on the box with gold colour. She knows that was Jaejoong’s hand writting. Xin Ling then open it with hard feeling.

There are several pictures, a platinum ring, a card and a diary. Xin Ling took out the diary from the box.

8^thFebruary

I have that dream again. I almost cannot breath. Why all this happen to me? Why I still cannot forget everything. Is it this hurt to lose someone? It’s already 20 years after Umma died, but I keep get the same dream each night. When the dream will stop? I never blame Xin Ling for this. All this are fate. I love my sis. I love her more than my life. She is everything to me. I could not blame her for that. I just hope that one day I will not have that same dream again.

Xin Ling open another page.

29^thApril

Today, Empire faces a problem. Major problem! I never face something big like this before. I could not blame anybody for this. It was my fault after all. I’m the one who lead it, so, I was the one that should be blame for. Yunho, Junsu and the others really gave their best for this project.

6^thMei

After a week, everything went smooth again. Empire project doesn’t face any problem anymore. I’m glad. But, I’m so tired. Everyone was tired. One thing that I regret is that for the whole week, I don’t have time to spend with my sis. I will find a day to be with her. Hm, maybe go picnic again!! She must be like it.

When Xin Ling open another page, there is a piece of paper. A letter! She read it.

Dear Xin Ling,

When you read this letter, that’s mean I already went to some place. Same place that Umma went to. First of all, I want to say sorry because of my lousy writing. You always complain about my writing but please don’t stop read this. There are a lot of thing that I wanna tell you.

First, please wipe that tears. I don’t want it drop on this letter. I afraid it will make the words blur. Honestly, I don’t want you to cry because of me. You know I don’t like to see you cry. So, wipe it now.

You had asked me once ‘what if you die before me’. But at that time, I didn’t answer you. Not because I don’t have the answer. It’s because I will not let you die before me. And I know...I had a feeling that I’m the one will go first. I’m really sorry to leave you. I just hope that I go after I give my sis to other man. I hope I died after you have someone else in your life besides me. Someone that you can rely on forever. Someone that can take care of you more than I am. Someone that love you more than I am.

For the reply, I also had asked you the same question you ask me. What if I die first? And you answer me that you will follow me. But Xin Ling-ah, I don’t want that happen. I don’t wnt yoy take away your life. Please stay alive. Your life is precious. I will stay alive as long as you keep alive. If you died, I will die for twice. Please keep breathing and stay healthy. I want to keep alive in your heart. Please keep alive for me.

You had told me that you wanna become my lover in the next life. I will pray that we will meet again in the next life. I don’t care we meet as a lover or sibling or else, I just hope that we will meet again. I really thank to god to have you as my sis in this life. If I given a chance to make a wish, I wanna become your steiff mohair teddy that you can hug always and I could see you every day.

Hah, almost forgot, I made you a ring. It’s written your name. I want you to wear it until you married. Then, after that you can replace it with your wedding ring. It’s nothing special actually. But if you think that ring not so well, then keep it in the box. Please just don’t throw it away before the right time.

And the card. That for your wedding. I have written my wish on it. Please don’t open it until you married. I really hope that I will not give you this card. I really wanna be with you on your wedding and give you my wish directly. But, if you receive this card that means I could not attend your wedding. I’m sorry. Send my apologize to your husband on my behalf.

Hah, there are still so many things I wanna tell you...But it will took long time to finish it.

Xin Ling, I want you to know that I really loves you very much. I hope that I have given you a good life and I’m sorry if I’m lacking of something. I know that you might be missed Umma and you must be really want to feel her touch. If I can replace my soul for Umma, I surely will do that. But, I’m sorry because I cannot fulfill that for you. I try to make you don’t feel loss. Even you never told me your feeling but I know how you feel.

Lastly...hah, I don’t want to stop it yet, but I must to stop now.

Last, I know you must be depressed by locking yourself in the room, don’t have your meal and doesn’t talk with anyone. Am I right? Do you love me that much? Well, I know my sis better than anyone.

Now, after you had read this, I want you go have a long shower and ask Ahjumma to make the most delicious food for you. Then, go enjoy your life. Have a date with a guy if you still don’t have one. And if you have time, give me a visit and bring together your sunflower. Please come with a smile not tears. Then, I could rest with peace.

I love you! Good bye, my baby!

Your brother,

Han Jaejoong                                                                            6 June

Xin Ling look at the date. This letter being written a week before the incident. It looks like Jaejoong can feel that he will leave this world soon.

 Right after she finish read the letter, she cried out loud. She wants to burst everything out. After 30 minutes, she wipes her tears then walk to bathroom. She stands under the shower for another 30 minutes. Then, she opens her wardrobe and put on a mini dress.

“Is it not too short?”

“Jae oppa, you’re so old fashioned. Anyway, you cannot argue with me about this. I will wear it no matter what!”

“But, I still don’t like it.”

Tears drop. She wipes it fast. Xin Ling open back her dress and put on jeans together with t-shirt. She then goes down to downstairs and heading to kitchen.

“Ahjumma...”

“Xin Ling? What’s the matter? What you want? Hungry?” Ask Ahjumma worried. Xin Ling hold back the tears that almost wanna down and nod to Ahjumma.

“Can you make me fried rice?”

“Of course. Can you wait for a minute? I will make it now.” Xin Ling nod again before move outside the house. She saw Jaejoong’s car. Without hesitate she took the pipe and wash the Audi R8.

“Xin Ling? What’s going on, dear?” Han Xiomin suddenly appears from the house. He worried of course to see her only daughter behave like this.

“Appa...I wash Jae oppa’s car. It doesn’t be wash for a long time. Jae oppa always wash it on weekend. He...he could not wash it this weekend, so I just help him.”

“Want me to help you?”

“Aniyo. Appa, you need a rest. I know you have face a difficult days. So, don’t worry about me.”

“Ah, if anything just call me okay? I will be in the house.” Han Xiomin leaves Xin Ling alone. Even though he happy to see Xin Ling in this way compared to a week ago, but he know how Xin Ling feel. But, he doesn’t want to ruin his daughter’s mood.

After a few minutes later, Ahjumma come out.

“Xin Ling, let’s go in. Your fried rice already done.”

“I will in after I done with this.”

“But it could not be good if it cold.”

“I almost have done with it. I will be in after I finish here.” Ahjumma then give up.

After done with Jaejoong’s car, she enters the house. Ahjumma serve the fried rice on dining table. Han Xiomin also sits together with her.

While, others don’t have at home. Yunho, Changmin and Yoochun went to office to settle their business matter. Yoochun have to step down with the business as well since Junsu left the business in order to go for coach training. Junsu want to drop his dream after Jaejoong’s died. He wanna help Yunho with the business but everyone doesn’t agree with it. As for Yoochun, he took a long break from his entertainment world in order to help Yunho with it. When everything goings back to normal, he will continue with his music work again.

Without say a words, she eats her fried rice. Everyone looks her with a worried face. She just ignores it. She has to eat well. She wants to be healthy and keep alive. She wants her brother to keep alive.

“Ahjumma, thanks for the meal. Appa, I go to my room first.” Xin Ling wake up from her sit and before she go, she give a glance at Jaejoong’s chair. That chair was empty for sure.