StupidGirl: I had a boyfriend which I claim as my life savior, to begin with. We knew each other by the internet and it was a distance relationship. I was content with it and the fact I got over my previous break up. No one knew but my closest friends. But I did let my classmates know that I have someone in my heart by that time.

But at that moment, my crush who is my best guy friend over the years, keep leaving hints that he likes me -like confessing that he likes me then say it is just for a dare, he kept texting me, taking care of me and he even have that look on his face when he see me. That longing look, like he had something to say to me.
And then the rumor spread widely, I was starting to get rather annoyed because I already had a boyfriend and he is not even here for me to prove his existence, I felt more guilty. My crush started to be distant from me, like backing away when I am talking to other guys, giving me that intent look whenever I talk to other guy and be his cold self.

I started to feel something for him too. Like the occasional feelings have to make him look at me, jealous of other girls he rather look than looking at me, and the heart fluttering when he came by.

I tried many many times to get over him but I failed every time.
I was confused, does he like me or not? Did he stopped liking me? Then, my friend came to me, telling me that my crush told her that he was getting further away from me is to stop other people from teasing me. And he was scared that I didn't like him the same way and the fact that I won't look into his eyes at all.

So I confessed. By kicking him in the legs, leaving him a note that I hate how irresponsible was he to leave hints that he likes me then acts like he don't.
As soon as the holidays starts, he confessed that he likes me too. He almost asked me to be his girlfriend which I quickly avoided by leaving the conversation.

I told my boyfriend and he kinda accepted it well. He even convinced me that I wasn't doing anything wrong and he was fine. But due to his a lot cases of fatigue and hospital admittance, I was starting to get worry. I couldn't do anything since I was miles away from him. I started to feel more guilty. I asked him to break up with me but he won't allow me and keep convincing me to stay with him.

After a lot exchange of texts with my crush, suddenly I'm starting to notice his every flaws and disliking them. Like how bad is his grammars are, or how he insults other people. He even insulted how my siblings aren't as skinny as me although I found my siblings' figure are just fine. Even my boyfriend said I was too skinny for my own sake but my crush said I was rather normal. To add up he even insulted how big is my friend's bust and how thick is their bodies. I started to cringe over the fact I am liking this kind of guy. I don't even feel anything towards him anymore. Instead, I am starting to fell for my boyfriend more. I keep getting that bubbly and warm feelings with my boyfriend more.

It was to an extent which I didn't pick up nor reply my crush texts. I made him totally vanished from my life. Occasionally, I would saw him in my timeline and I can't even try to care nor felt anything for anything he done. Weirdly, all those feelings vanished like a poof.

My crush did questioned why was I avoiding him, I could only zip my mouth before he left me a message that he will be moving again. However, my friends said that he was lying since he didn't tell his best friends either.

I hate how selfish was I to even be doing all of this. How stupid am I to be liking such guy as him that not to mention disliked kpop which I deemed to be a part of myself. I never felt so stupid in my life that I cried. I apologized to my boyfriend a lot of times too. Although he kept saying it's okay.

Maybe it was the moments that I wish my boyfriend would appear to be by my side but instead my crush does.

You might doubt my love for my boyfriend, I wouldn't blame you for that. I doubted it myself too. But seeing him sick, hurt and been away from him that made those drowning feelings and even though all the things I did, he stayed by my side.

I came to a conclusion that I love my boyfriend too much to be liking such people like my crush. But the questions are...

1. Holidays are ending, that means next year I will face my crush again. What should I even do? Act normal like nothing ever happened or don't talk to him at all?
2. How did feelings change suddenly? Did I really love my crush?
3. Is it my fault that my feelings changed for my crush?
4. Should I even explain all of this to my crush?

Friend: Dear StupidGirl,

Your name does not befit you for I highly doubt that you are a “StupidGirl.” Heartbreaks, heart aches, and love is something everyone comes across and is unavoidable. It’s tough but hey, it all pays off and makes us stronger in the end. I wouldn’t worry too much about you crush and with the new year coming towards us, it’s the perfect time to start a fresh, clean, and new page in life(:

To answer your first question, I don’t think anyone deserves to really be ignored for no apparent reason. If you want you can put some distance between the two of you and he’ll hopefully get the idea that you two are becoming distant. The reason why you wouldn’t want to completely ignore him is because by doing so, he’ll only be confused by the sudden withdrawal and as a result, will try even harder to try and talk to you. If you want to really show him that your crush on him has gone away, try to show him that you two are nothing more than friends. Try to casually slip in the word friend when referring to him so that he gets the idea that you guys are nothing more than just that(:

I don’t believe your feelings have ever changed. In my opinion, you just wished for someone to be there for you, something that your overseas boyfriend is not able to do physically. The fact that someone had a crush on you and was willing to be there fooled you into thinking that your friend could be your boyfriend. I don’t believe that you could really love your crush, but you surely must’ve cared for him(:

When feelings change, it is never your fault. We cannot control our emotions or our desires and when we grow feelings for someone else, we are never able to control it. We fall for people and sometimes we cannot explain why, and we end up disliking someone just by our weird nature. Don’t think that you could’ve forced yourself to love someone if you don’t.

I think that if the topic does come up, your crush doesn’t necessarily need an explanation but at least needs clarification that you do no longer harbor any feelings for him that go beyond friendship. Just getting that message across is more than enough. And if he just so happens to ask why, then I see no reason as to why he doesn’t deserve an explanation. Don’t bash on him or anything but try to tell him kindly that your feelings have changed and you still have feelings, that are stronger, for your current boyfriend.

So sorry I couldn’t get to your letter sooner >_< Hope you had a safe Christmas and have a Happy new Year(:

~(Chingu) 친구