Anonymous: um.. hi. You see I met this boy back in 6th grade. He's two years older than me. He was just a friend to me. But after two years of knowing him, I started to have feelings for him. Sometimes I believe I'll have a chance with him. I imagine him and me together until the end. But there's another feeling that I know he and I will be nothing but friends. I want to give up on him but I can't. Now that he has a girlfriend I'm happy for him. But I can't be happy because it stabs me in the heart. I mean he had other girls but that was before I started to like him. Plus I'm starting high school in the fall and going to same high school as him. I don't know how I'll deal with it. Well.... I just wanna know how you feel about this. Should I give up or keep chasing?

Friend: Dear Anonymous,

We all go through the love cycle and phase where our friends turn into crushes. I know it might be hard to see him with another girl after knowing you liked him, but you can’t blame the guy either. You say you imagine the two of you together but did you really try and go after that dream? Or did you watch and hope he’d notice you? Guys aren’t mind readers so you can’t expect them to know everything through a simple sigh you might show in front of him. I wouldn’t begin/recommend to imagine a relationship with someone if nothing’s happening because doing that, not only sets your hopes up high, but it also takes you away from the reality of it all. Once you set your hopes up so high, I’m sorry to say it’s a long way back down.

If you think you know he wants to be friends, chances are he’s trying to get the message across that he just wants to be friends. It might be hard to shake off those feelings you had for him, but it’s not impossible(:

Next thing is that you mention he has a girlfriend. If he has a girlfriend he’s clearly moved on and so should you. I don’t ever advise people to go in and ruin a relationship (a home wrecker, if you may) because if you put yourself in the girlfriend’s shoes, would you want anyone to come in and ruin your relationship? Of course not.

I have to ask though, is he the only boy you’ve ever had a crush on? If that’s the case then I think you should let him go. I know your very first crush may seem like it’ll be perfect and you might even envision yourself in marrying the boy, but trust me; it rarely happens. You’re still young, seeing as you’re going to start high school in the fall, and you have so much more things ahead of you, one of those things being other crushes ;)

Since you’re starting high school it’s the perfect time to move on. Once the school year hits you’ll be up to your neck in meeting new people, trying to finish assignments on time, and other things (heck go and join a club!). One of the best ways to get over a crush is to keep yourself occupied. When high school starts, as long as you don’t think about your crush 24/7, you’ll be able to get your mind off of him as soon as you walk through the doors! You’re going to meet new people, have new classes, and maybe even go through some better and more memorable adventures.

Another way to keep yourself occupied is to hang out with your friends. Let me be the first to tell you that high school does change people. Some people go through subtle changes and others change into a whole new person. It’s important to try and stay close to your friends who might just feel like they’re drifting apart (however if they just continue to cancel plans on you or push you aside, it’s time to say bye to them first). High School’s also a time to make new friendships as well(: There’s a reason there’s high school reunions, most of your most dearest memories are made during those 4 years (depending on what part of the world you live in. Here in the US, high school lasts for four years going from grade 9-12). You’ll be surprised that the people you meet in high school may turn out to be very important and dear friends of yours later in life. So have fun and cut loose!...Unless it’s schoolwork and academics. When it comes to that you better not slack off, arasso? :P

My answer to your question is yes, I do think you should move on. If the guy isn’t making a move then you’re just a sitting duck, almost like a safety net for him to fall back on if anything happens. You don’t want to be that person that’s going to only be there when he needs it. If he doesn’t seem to be making a move, then he’s wasting your time in that department. Don’t ever waste your time on a guy who doesn’t bother to realize how special you are when you’re right next to him(:

Who knows? Maybe after you get over him you guys can be friends and he could introduce you to some of his cute friends ;) Feel free to drop by again and tell me how your first day of school was.

Good luck Anonymous! :)

~(Chingu) 친구