ConfusedPanda: So me and this one girl named Hee Young (fake name) have been best friends since forever. Middle school came, and I thought we'd be as close as ever, because it was only a two year school frame. Turns out, she turns to the more "popular" people and leaves me completely in the shadows. Let me tell you, she's not independent at all and can't say no to anyone. I learned to forgive her, because near the end of the year, all of the people she assumed were "friends" left her. She came to me and I pitied her. So yes, I accepted her back into my life as the once elementary school best friend.

Now it's high school! Absolutely nothing has changed. Although she shares lockers with me, and I join her "popular group" once in a while, I know she doesn't look at me as if I am her best friend. I listen to her; I'm there for her. So why is she treating me like crap? Sure, I forgave her again, and it's only the beginning of the year! As I said before, she's not independent at all and can't say no to anyone. This results in boys taking advantage of her, and she's doing nothing but leading them on.

Our other best friend Jinah (fake name) (we've been in this tight friendship triangle since fourth grade) has tried countless times to talk to her about her lack of self-assurance, once even staying up until 4 AM discussing the issue with her. Hah. Not only that, but she has also developed ATTITUDE. She isn't the innocent Stephanie anymore. She not only has the nerve to not listen to me when I listen to her, she has to give me attitude about her y life without Shannon and me as well.

I have made up my mind to not try to help her in her times of need, whenever that may be. I'm not going to be the "back-up" friend who's always there, but never paid attention to. I honestly don't care if I lose this friendship, because she's nothing but a burden. A friendship that lacks substance is useless and disappointing. I'm not going to stand around waiting for her to come to me when her other "friends" won't listen to her. Taking me for granted isn't something I'm willing to take, and I hope she realizes that.

What do I need advice on? Well, she won't listen to me when I try talking to her; so what can I do to make her realize that she needs me and Shannon? Don't try telling me that middle school and high school can change someone! I know Stephanie far better than anyone in the world, including herself, and I know that she wouldn't do this for no reason. I'm always there for her, so why's she being such a b****?

Friend: Dear ConfusedPanda,

Talk about a major b**** move that’s been played on you :/ First off, I just wanna tell you that you’re right – you don’t deserve to be treated like a rag. Although it’s nice for her to know that you’ll always be there, you shouldn’t always be the one on the short end of the stick. Sometimes it’s hard to get through to a friend when all she thinks about is herself, but it isn’t impossible(: From what you’re telling me, you have two options to choose from – 1.) Put it all behind you and move on without Stephanie or 2.) Try to mend and compromise this shaky friendship.

With option one; it’s as simple as it sounds. Next time Stephanie comes crying to you, you can flat out say no. You’re truly a good friend for listening to her and trying your utter best when trying to cheer her up when she’s down, but she needs to understand that she can’t expect a free ride from you. If you’re there for her, then she needs to be there for you in return. It may be hard but in all honesty – a friendship that is one-sided isn’t a friendship worth keeping no matter how long it was or is.

Option two is to try and compromise. Try to pull her aside from all the mayhem of high school status and popularity and try to push the idea through to her with Shannon by your side. Sometimes it takes a few tries to get through but it isn’t impossible. High school does wonders to friendships and with everyone caught up in the mindset of trying to be popular and part of the A class, it’s hard to hold onto old friendships. I know you’ve tried to talk to her before but I’m telling you – try one last and final time. Show her how this is the last time you and Shannon are willing to hold out a helping hand and if she isn’t willing to take it and offer one back – that’s the end of it.

I know you didn’t want to hear it but I have to mention that change does play a key role in this. Because of high school, Stephanie has shaped herself around the more popular clichés in an attempt to be one of them – her view on how to establish the ultimate high school experience. Along with that goes the boys, heartbreaks, relationships, etc. Try to reason with her and mention that she’s gone out of hand and you and Shannon are both at your limits. If that isn’t enough tell her straight up that you both aren’t willing to stand by her side if she treats you guys like her second option. It may seem a little harsh but sometimes we need that eye opener to realize how serious something is.

But hey, the new year is just around the corner and what better way to start it off than to make some changes, hopefully ones that are for the better. I apologize for not being able to reply sooner ConfusedPanda >< Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year(:

~(Chingu) 친구