BadFriend: I have a guy friend whom I've known since kindergarten. We haven't really been able to interact with each other until the beginning of this school year. Since then, we've grown close, really really close. We have a lot of skinship and inside jokes, but I only ever thought of him as a close friend. We've been seatmates for a while now, and he's always been so nice to me, which I guess is the reason why I've noticed that my feeling for him are much more deeper than that of a friend's. At first, I went into denial, I kept telling myself that it was impossible. I even went as far as calling him 'my friend' whenever we talked! But in the end, I came to accept my feelings, even revealing it to my best friend.

But then I found out that he already likes someone else, which was fine by me since all I wanted was for him to be happy. I tried to support him, I really did, because I knew that my duties as his friend came before my feelings for him. But then all he could talk about was her, even when we already had a different topic, he would bring her up when we talk or chat. He kept asking me for advice. The daily facebook chats we used to have, the ones I've always looked forward to, are now the ones I resent the most. I grew bitter; bitter because my feelings were being ignored, pushed away unconsciously. I started being mean to him, ignoring him and only responding with "k." and "..."  whenever he tried to chat with me.

Almost all of our friends noticed the cold shoulder I was giving him. A friend of ours even talked to me personally, asking what had happened and saying that he's been depressed lately. I couldn't respond. I was guilty. How could I've been so selfish? What made me feel even worse was that he kept sending me hand-written letters, all of them saying that he was sorry and that he wanted to be friends again. I was in a predicament, I wanted to tell him that I should be the one to say sorry, but my pride...it was too high. Until one day, he handed me another letter. It was different; longer and more sincere than the others. I heard from a friend that he spent all night writing it. I finally decided to lower my pride, and then we became friends again. I was still in love with him, but I've already decided not to tell him since I don't want to sacrifice our friendship.

But then lately, I've noticed that he's been avoiding me. Not to the point that he's ignoring me, but enough to let me know something is wrong. It suddenly hit me that he may have realized that I have feelings for him, and to be honest, it scared me. I tried to act normal, trying to show him that I only think of him as a friend, but our friendship was never really the same as before.

Then I found out that he had a new female best friend. I know that  I have no right to be jealous since it's his life and he can befriend anyone he likes, but when I look at them, I can't help but be reminded of us before the whole ordeal. The only difference is that he seems to like her, as in like-like her. I feel angry, jealous and betrayed at the same time. Angry because he's avoiding me, regardless if knows about my feelings. Jealous because I've been replaced, and he doesn't even seem to care about me anymore. And betrayed because we've been the same with him and his new friend, even closer, and yet he fell for her. Why not me? I was like that with him before. Why wasn't I the one he fell in love with? All of these feelings and questions trouble me, keeping me awake at night.

Now it's our Christmas vacation, and I'm debating whether or not I should talk to him. I'm not planning to confess or anything, I just...I just really want us to be friends again. Whenever I read all our old chats, I can't help but to cry a bit. It's as if a huge wall is between us, and I'm too weak to even try to get over it. What should I do? Do you think I should talk to him or maybe even confess since, I admit, I'm still crazy in love with him. But our friendship is so important to me, I treasure it so much and if ever something bad happens to it because of me and my feelings, I could never forgive myself. I really am a bad friend.

Thank you so much for even reading this long story of mine, I'd gladly accept any advice you have to offer me. Thank you and God Bless! :)

Friend: Dear BadFriend,

Your name does not befit you because in all honesty, you did nothing wrong for getting the title of a bad friend. Don’t feel bad BadFriend, your friendship is anything but over(:

One thing I want to try and explain to you is that you can’t be mad at his new female friend. If he fell for her you cannot blame him because for one, you never confessed your feelings to him before. Your harbored feelings from before were never shown nor expressed and he had no knowledge of them, and being a typical boy, he chose not to look deep into it and realize your love for him that was more than that of a friend. It’s hard to see someone we love fall for another, but if they’re truly happy then we can’t ask for any more and hope we have that same happiness one day for ourselves(: And for all you know, this could all be nothing but a rumor that he likes this girl.

We cannot help ourselves for wanting more. We grew up to be selfish and want everything whether it be physical things, or emotions like love from another being. It’s human nature and there’s nothing wrong with it, we just need to find a balance and work it out in our favors.

The first thing I think you need to do is try and talk to him. Don’t go straight into confessing but try and ask him what’s going on. Ask him if you guys are ok and gently slide the topic in if you’ve done anything wrong as to why he’s been so distant from you lately. Don’t bombard him with questions, just make some small talk. After repairing your friendship, try to show him that you and him are as good as you were before. If you really wanna show him your good side, try and be friends with that girl. If anything, maybe you can find out that they really are nothing more than simple friends and you guys can hang out sometime(:

If you want to take the risk and feel like your emotions are eating you alive, then I guess that there’s no other way around it than to confess. Before you freak out BadFriend, just breathe. No one’s forcing you to do this and I want you to get your priorities straight and figure out whether you want to go through with it. Whenever you confess there can be three outcomes: 1.) He’ll have mutual feelings and you guys can be on your way to a happily ever after, 2.) He will kindly deny you and you’ll go back to normal, act like friends and as if nothing happened, or 3.) He’ll deny you and find it awkward to continue your friendship and you’ll either drift apart or he’ll avoid you. If you just want to get it off of your chest and see his reaction, without telling him that you still love him, you can try to slide in the idea and subtly mention, “You’re such a dork, I can’t believe I used to like you.” Or “Wow I can’t believe we’ve been friends for so long. Would you believe me if I used to like you?” A simple, playful, and nonchalant way of bringing it up won’t freak him out and if he thinks that you’re joking then things should go smooth sailing. The one thing I want to tell you about this BadFriend is that this is a very delicate, touchy, and thin-ice sort of topic. Tread carefully and remember that once you take a step forward, there’s really no way in going back.

So sorry it took so long to reply BadFriend >_< Hope you had a nice Christmas and a better Happy New Year(:

~(Chingu) 친구