JustAOrdinaryKoreanGirl: Hello,
So how do i start... Well first of all, i want to become my old, brave, proud, and bold self again.. I used to be able to sing in front of thousands of people and even came out on tv once because of my singing. Well those days were when i was back at korea, after i moved to america, i started to change.
My older sister and brother would always criticize me about everything i do. I always felt miserable. They would always tease me and call me ugly and fat. Like whenever i talked, they would be like 'shut up---- your fat/ugly' and i would always laugh it off but what they dont know is that everyone of their comments hurt real bad.
I would always cry in the showers and was depressed for 1 year. It was terrible, i never told anyone because i was too afraid to. I eventually snapped out of it and just acted normal again. My sister and brother treat me better now but whenever they're around me, i freeze up and get so insecure about my acts.
When im with my friends, im like the mood maker but when im with my brother and sister, im the loner in corner. My sister would always tell everyone that im 'socially awkward' even though im not. But whenever she says that, a little part of me starts believing it and little by little, i started to get awkward around strangers.
I started Cutting myself because my sibling's teasings were so bad. No one knows about this and not even my friends. I just feel so insecure now and shy and awkward. I hate it. I want to regain my confidence.. Can you give me some help on how to??? I honestly hate myself right now, i wanna go back to my old self.(sorry for making you read this huge letter even when you probably have a lot more letters to read) Thanks for listening

Friend: Dear JustAOrdinaryKoreanGirl,

Please don’t believe that their mean words were true. Even though I have never seen you in person, I strongly believe that every girl out there is beautiful in her own way, you being no exception(: A pretty girl should also never harm herself. Why would you want to inflict pain? It won’t change the world around you and it most certainly won’t make you feel better, trust me.

I know you may be scared or intimidated to talk to your siblings after all you've gone through, but I really think you need to voice out your thoughts. I’ve said this so many times before but (here it is, I’ll say it again) no one can read other people’s minds and thoughts. Your siblings don’t go about the house looking into your life and knowing what goes on in your head. If their words are hurting you, let them know. You’d think that because they’re family they’ll automatically know if something’s wrong, but that isn’t always the case. Try and show them that their words are really hurting you.

The only reason why your sister continues to tell people you’re “socially awkward” is because you let her to believe that. When was the last time you two ever talking about your days? When was the last time you shared a joyous occasion that happened to you between you and your siblings? It’s not like they follow you around all day and know how you behave around your friends 24/7. Let them be in on your life just a tad bit and show them that you are anything but socially awkward(: It might be hard to open up to your siblings after those past years of constant teasing, but it’ll get better. Not only was that in the past, but it’s up to you to take the first, brave step forward and start anew with your siblings. After all, they are family(:

You have no reason to believe that any of their hurtful words are true. Don’t ever let anyone else label you for what you aren’t. In the end, the only opinion that matters is your own. Just because they see you as something, doesn’t mean the rest of the world does. If your sister believed you to be “ugly,” someone else out there might think, “Wow, she’s so pretty!” But none of those truly matter because in the end, it’s how you choose to see and carry yourself through life. Sure compliments can boost our self-esteem just a little bit higher, just make sure those ridiculous insults don’t push you down ;)

I don’t think you should ever use a blade or anything to harm yourself. I know it hurts hearing all those rude insults but all of that is emotional pain. By inflicting physical pain upon yourself, that won’t do you any justice. Heck, it won’t do anything except leave those horrible marks and scars on your skin. If you really want to show your siblings how bad they’ve hurt you, you can tell them about your cutting. It’ll really open their eyes as to how much damage they’ve done to you, both directly and indirectly. Cutting is a serious matter and I hope that you’d stop doing it because there are other ways to help deal with this. Please don’t hate yourself JustAOrdinaryKoreanGirl, there really isn’t anything anyone should hate about themselves. Do you hate yourself because you feel like you broke down? Let me tell you something – everyone has gone through that or will go through that, it's just something we can't avoid. We’re all human, and we all make mistakes, and we all fall down every now and then. But it’s our job to stand back up, and walk forward so we can learn from our little mistakes(:

If you changed from being your brave and bold self to your current state, I don’t see why there isn’t a reason or a way for you to not change back to your old self again, it just all depends on how much you’re willing to go through with that change(: You say you want confidence, but what is confidence? Is it simply standing up to the school’s bully, or is it walking up to your crush and asking to hang out with them after school? Confidence comes in all shapes and forms and it’s all up to you to try and mold yourself around it. If you carry yourself with confidence, the rest will soon follow.

I know you’ve gone through a lot in the past year, but hey - it’s all in the past. Use your past to make you stronger(: It’s hard to go back to your old ways after hiding in your dark shell for such a long time. But once you step outside and see how bright and fulfilling it is, I promise you that you’ll be more than eager to take more and more steps every day to the better future. And with every step you take, you’ll encounter new people (who can become friends ;] ) that can help make every step more and more easier and worthwhile.

I wish you the best of luck JustAOrdinaryKoreanGirl.(: Fighting!~

~(Chingu) 친구