MissingHim: (Almost) 2 years ago, my half brother passed away at the age of 22. I was 12 years old at the time and in 7th grade.

When I found out he died I did cry, but after that day I hadn't really cried too much over it.
Until now.
I'm 14 now and in grade 9, and now it's starting to hit me. He isn't coming back. I'm not going to see him again. My last memory of seeing him is watching him being carted out of the hospital room and getting ready to be put in an ambulance to go to the next city because his heart stopped at 6:30 am.
I'm not clinically depressed or anything, but I know for a fact that I'm not the same as I used to be. I quit some of my favourite sports, stopped hanging with my friends, and I just spend most my time alone now.
I was wondering if you knew how I could maybe (for lack of a better term) get over it.
I'm not religious, so I don't believe in Heaven or Hell,) but how can i know that this happened for a reason, kinda thing.
I'm sorry if I'm confusing. Thanks in advance. <3

Friend: Dear MissingHim,

I’m terribly sorry for your loss MissingHim, it’s never easy getting over the death of a loved one. Even though that people say that they all get over it eventually, it’s all a lie. I don’t think anyone gets over a death 100%. Everyone ends up breaking down and crying from time to time, we just all have to learn to get back up. Seeing as it has only been 2 years (which believe it or not, isn’t a long time at all), it’s perfectly reasonable that you’re still trying to digest that this is all a reality. Even though there isn’t a perfect remedy for completely getting over a loss, there are ways to help you get by and smile(:

One of the reasons it may have hit you hard now is because you weren’t able to get full closure at the time of the death. You didn’t know his last thoughts, you didn’t know that such a thing would hit him at that exact moment, and so on. Those single thoughts may have haunted you these past couple of years because of that. Not to mention that you lost him at a pretty young age MissingHim. It’s perfectly normal for you to still grieve over him. I just want you to understand that you can’t grieve on about him forever. At some point, you’ll need to get back up and join the rest of the world.

If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that your brother would not have wanted you to carry on your life like this. Time was meant to be traveled forward and not backwards. We may all wish for the past to come back but we all know that we can only continue to walk ahead. I understand you don’t believe in him being sent to Heaven or Hell, but try to understand that if he was watching over you, he wouldn’t want to see you dragging on through the remainder of your life. He’ll always be by your side MissingHim and he’ll always look out for you. Maybe not physically but he is most definitely beside you and in your heart(: Try to imagine yourself in his shoes, would you want to see him abandon all of his friends, sports, and activities just because you couldn’t be there with him anymore? Of course not. We were meant to move on not just for ourselves, but for those that are no longer there with us. They all want to see us smiling and living their lives like they would’ve wanted to live their own lives if they were given such a chance. Living your life to its fullest and without any regrets is a great goal anybody should try and take in(:

If the death continues to bother you, then maybe you should try to discuss this with your family. Maybe all of you can hold a special day for him or grieve together to cleanse yourselves of those memories. Try to talk this out with your parents and I’m sure they have some sort of wise piece of advice to give you themselves(:

Moving on is not being ungrateful to the dead MissingHim. Moving on just shows us that we have the strength to carry on. Even though we may all laugh and smile and sometimes act like we don’t give a care in a world, we never forget what we’ve all gone through. So keep that in mind MissingHim(: Go back into the world and get involved – join those sports you loved so much, hang out with your friends that I’m sure have missed you as much as you’ve missed them, and try to hold out a helping hand for anyone who may be in a pit of despair like you were at the time. After all, don’t you think your brother would’ve thought that was a better way to spend your time than to grieve over him?

Things may seem a little dark and blurry right now MissingHim, but I promise you – it will get better and your life will shine anew soon(: There is always a light at the end of a tunnel, sometimes we just have to walk a little farther than others to get to it. I apologize for not being able to reply sooner >< My advice column is always open to you and anyone else(: Wishing you the best that life has to offer, take care(:

~(Chingu) 친구