A/N: This letter was not replied to in favor of the writer (“I'm not asking advice but I needed to be heard.”)

Enigmaticma: Hello dear
I'm not asking advice but I needed to be heard. I have to many things to say.
My problem is simple: I can’t be a social person. I wasn’t, I’m not, and I’ll never be.
It started a year before my parent divorce. In that time, I got ually molested for a long time by a boy. I remember still his face when he released in his hand and asked me to drink his seeds. I didn't know what it was, back then. However I do now and I thank god for saving me from a shameful situation.
Anyway... my parents got divorced and u know what? I lost my humanity. I stopped singing, dancing, playing, caring. The only thing that made me smile all this time was my half brother and sister. They were like my children. They brought me back to childhood.
However I was suffering... I got molested more and more... ually speaking. I thought that it was because I have a slim good body so I got fatter and fatter but you know what? It just made it worse. Men around don't ask me out for date. Oh no, they ask to go to their house have a nice cup of tea and a round of . Why? Because I have big s and nice big . I HATE MY BODY BECAUSE OF IT. I am still in my 25 years old. I swore to stay like this until I meet a real man.
You know what I save it from hurt. What saved me from self-harm is K-pop. I felt in love just before knowing TVXQ and I pushed myself to like Kim Jaejoong of JYJ (ex-TVXQ) and I made it, I forgot the pain that man to whom I told everything brought to me. Imagine what I did; I managed to meet him again and look at his eyes. I kicked him out of my life.
You know what that man did? He asked me to sleep with him… after all what I told him, he did ask me to strip. Now, I can’t let someone touch me. I feel like a every time someone do. I feel cheap and useless. I just want it to stop. I want a boyfriend. I want someone to call me in three am just to say that he had a bad dream and need to hear my voice or he won’t sleep back.
The bright side of my life now is Lee Jin Ki aka Onew. He’s funny and make me laugh. That why, specially now, I LOVE him. I thank god for making me find K-pop and find with it my passion for writing and singing. I hope to be better writer and better performer.