Anonymous: I'm 24 years old, and I kind of feel alone in the world at the moment.
I have a big family, but I feel out of place at times even if they do love me.
Like, they always talk about things I can't join in on, because I have a learning disability I can't understand complicated conversations and sometimes it’s just boring. HAHA. I have a childish mind at times, but I do love them, and like talking with them. Anyway, that isn't entirely my problem. I've been depressed for 3 years after a traumatising event occured like three times in a row, and i've been feeling nothing but sad, lonely, crappy and un happy.
The thing is, I really want and think I need a boyfriend at this point. HAHA. I know it might be weird, but yeah. I have dated a few guys before, but they never turn out to be the kind of guy that I want or am looking for. Everyone I know pretty much has a partner, and I dont understand it. I'm happy for them, but I dont get why people can have a bf right after they say they want one, and I'm just left here, having to wait and search on my own?
What's wrong with me? My friend thinks that I'm having trouble because guys think I'm already taken?!
How is that possible? What my question is, is there a way I can get a boyfriend? Why is it that other people have someone and I dont?! Also...my sis thinks that when you dont look for someone, that's when you find them. Is it true? I don’t think it's gonna work like that with me, because I have OCD, and so I'm always thinking about it...HAHA. Either I want a boyfriend or I want a best friend to share my memories with and stuff. How can I get that when I'm stuck at home all the time without a job or going to school? Also, how can I not want a boyfriend when I have OCD?
Can you help me, please?
THANK YOU

Friend: Dear Anonymous,

First of all nothing is wrong with you. Just because you currently don’t have a boyfriend and your friends do, doesn’t mean that anything’s wrong with you, you just haven’t found the right guy yet(:

Everyone wants to find that special someone in their lives, but sometimes it takes a little longer for some people to find one another. There’s honestly no rush and 24 is still pretty young. Heck, it is young. Nobody needs a boyfriend, you can be perfectly happy without one. However, wanting is something else.

You may think that everyone around you has a boyfriend and are all lovey-dovey, but I think that might not be the case. When you focus on something, in this case wanting a boyfriend, every little thing might seem to be magnified ten folds. You might see yourself in a street filled with couples when the reality of it may be that there are only two couples you’ve encountered. If you obsess over something, our minds imagine things far worse than they may seem.

There are many ways in getting a boyfriend, each one being different for everyone. There is no perfect manual and how-to on how to get a boyfriend, it just happens. Some people have it easy and find a partner in a snap, and others take a little longer. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with them, it’s just that they have to wait just a tad bit longer to find that special someone.

In a way, your sister is right. I’m not saying that you should completely throw the subject of getting a boyfriend out the window, but try not to think about it too much. Try and focus on the way your life is right now; enjoy it, have fun, cut loose and go hang out with your friends. Once your life slowly starts falling into place, the rest will soon follow. If you constantly obsess about the idea of a boyfriend, the high hopes will only eat away at you until you completely lose yourself in the idea.

One way to keep your mind off the topic of needing a boyfriend is to keep yourself occupied and distracted. No I don’t mean grabbing a tub of ice cream and watching chic-flicks inside all day. It’s summer (over in the U.S at least :P)! Go out and enjoy nature, take a walk in the park, go shopping with some friends, anything! Just keep yourself busy(: At first it may seem hard but after a while, you’ll soon realize how easy it is to forget about your problems when you’re having so much fun(:

You say you’re always stuck in home? Then change it and spice up your life! Go out with some of your girl friends and have a fun night out. Had a friend you haven’t seen in a while? Catch up with one another and have a blast as you enjoy one another’s company. Who knows, maybe those days, months, or even years away from one another can lead to a new and stronger friendship(:

You don’t need a guy to be happy Anonymous, friends can fill up that void just as much if not better. Friends can understand you in ways a boyfriend can’t, they’re always there for you, and they’re practically like family if you find the right ones(:

Patience is a key element for nearly everything. You still have a long life ahead of you, so there’s really no need to rush into things – especially a relationship. You might see your friends having relationships whenever they ask for one, but you aren’t the same person like your friends. You don’t date the same guys they date, and you don’t look for the same things in a guy as they do. You’re a different person and that’s just fine, it just means you have to find someone that fits you.

I’m not a professional at love but I believe that when the time will come, you’ll find yourself a wonderful partner(: It may not be today or tomorrow, but the time will come. You just have to wait patiently because when that person walks into your life, you’ll be happy that the wait was all worth it. If the thought continues to pester you and you feel like your'e at a dead end, I recommend going to a professional therapist.

I hope I was able to help you out in some way(:

~(Chingu) 친구