Hurt: One of my close friends has recently been acting like a jerk, especially towards me. I will nickname him BT for clarity later on. BT used to be the my second closest friend in our group of friends and now, he's near the bottom. I don't even know if I should even consider him a friend anymore.
It all started on the last day of the school in June. He had gotten a B+ in English Honors, which meant that his 4.0 GPA was ruined. We attend a very competitive school and to him, getting a B+ meant the end of his life. On that day, BT cried and called his mother to tell her the news, and afterwards, he yelled at me for talking too much. I'm a very talkative person, so it's not like the fact that I was talking was something new. Luckily, one of my other friends, nicknamed CK, came to my defense and told him that was wrong. BT apologized and everything was all right after that.
Over the summer, my group hung out a lot but without him, because we made our plans on Facebook and he doesn't have one. One of my friends, nicknamed ES, did text him and asked him if he wanted to hang out with us, but BT said that his mother most likely wouldn't let him go because of the B+. We understood, so we didn't bother him about it and just made plans by ourselves.
When the new school year started in August, I noticed that he had become extremely cocky, but I didn't say anything. I thought it was probably just a character change to mask the sadness he had felt over the B+. But as the weeks went by, I also noticed that he would continually insult me, disregard whatever I said during conversations (some of which didn't even include him), and act as if I was a waste of space. He would constantly say, "Oh, she's here? Great, now I have to leave." And if I'd end up walking with ES or another friend, JW, to buy lunch, then BT would say, "I guess I can stay now that she's leaving."
Another incident happened during our AP US History class. We happened to be in the same group for our extra credit assignment. I offered an idea and BT quickly shot it down, while saying, "Are you stupid or something?" and hitting me. Thankfully, another classmate of mine, IK, berated him and said he shouldn't have hit me. After that, BT was silent and sulked for a few minutes, because he respects IK as a smart person.
BT hurt me the most during our Orchestra Fall Concert. We were waiting in line to walk inside and I was having a very funny conversation with my friends, KH, CL, and AO. BT was playing his violin in the background and after finishing his 20th song (I really don't remember, since he was playing the entire night), he turned to me and asked, "Hey, why don't you play something for us?" I really didn't want to, since the conversation wasn't worth stopping for ten seconds of my playing, so I declined. But then, he said, "Why? Is it because you so much that you don't want to embarrass yourself?" I was pretty appalled after that insulting comment and just ignored him. But what really hit me was when he insulted my sister. The concert included the high school and the middle school orchestras, and my sister happened to be the first chair cellist of her middle school. I was commenting to KH that my sister needed to work on her vibrato because it seem forced, and then BT cut in and said, "Your sister probably anyway. Her entire middle school orchestra ." It was already rude to be insulting me, but to drag in my little sister for no reason really made me angry.
I'm not the only one who has been hurt by his insults lately. CK used to like ES and BT would always say, "You do realize that he's too good for you." CK began feeling that she wasn't good enough for ES and stopped liking him. And after she stopped liking him, BT would continue teasing her for liking him when she clearly stopped.
BT also likes one of my friends, AY. She and him used to be very close friends, especially because they had several classes together last year. However, she noticed that whenever she talked to him, he would always try to compare their grades and test scores to see who was smarter. She's the type of person who likes talking about her interests or funny things that happened in the world, so she'd get really ticked off by their conversations. I used to ship them together, but now I don't.
ES and JW have also noticed how BT has been treating me. I honestly don't understand why he's been mainly targetting me. In AP US History, he'll make a point to ignore my presence until I start a conversation with someone else in the class. I'm very exuberant, so my voice does carry across the room. However, BT will make a point to say, in a very sarcastic tone, "Oh my gosh, that's so exciting." He'll then add, in a demeaning manner, "Can you like shut up? Because no one cares."
I just don't know what to do about him. And I'm also really worried about my secrets being spilled. Because we used to be so close, I used to confide in him a lot. I'm especially worried about him spreading around who I like. The person who I like, DJ, is the kind of guy who stops talking to the girls who like him after he finds out they like him. DJ and I are really close friends, and I really don't want to lose our friendship, especially if BT is the one who destroys it with his big mouth. BT has already told a few people that I like DJ and I'm afraid he'll tell even more people. He might even tell DJ himself!
If you could give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!

Friend: Dear Hurt,

Time does change a person and it could be for the better or for worse. Seems like your friend BT has taken a turn for the worst and it’s time for you and your friends to try and set him back in the right direction. If that doesn’t work, then it might be best to put some distance between the two. Here’s some advice that I’ll offer you(:

First thing you want to tell him is let him know that his actions and words have been hurting not only you, but your friends as well. I advise you not to talk to him as a group first because it’ll make him seem like you all turned against him and the little talk could in fact backfire. Try to get a moment alone with him and ask him what’s going on. Why was he suddenly trying to insult you at every chance he got. Mention how you’re confused as to why he’s done such a thing when you have done nothing to spite him with. If he’s still mad over the fact that he got a B+, then try to reason with him. Tell him that you saw that you did nothing wrong because 1.) you were always a talkative person (like you said) and 2.) it was his decision to continue talking to you and never has he once told you to “please be quiet, I really wanna focus on this lesson.”

If he ignores you and doesn’t want to listen to reason, then maybe you and your friends can try and talk some sense into him. If all of you guys feel as if he’s becoming a jerk, then maybe if you all talk to him about it he’ll realize it himself. However you all need to be careful in this situation. You guys may view it as a simple talk yet he may feel offended, betrayed, or pushed into a corner of the wall. Try to be calm, collective, and reasonable(:  

If none of this works out, then it’s best to put some distance between the two of you and let time take its course. If you slowly begin to grow apart, he can’t blame you and he might even get the message that you both don’t view one another as best friends anymore. This is the safest way to go because if you were to, let’s say, tell him straight up that you don’t want to be friends, he might take offence to that and do just what you fear – reveal all your secrets. If you slowly grow apart then three things can come of that:

1.)    He’ll pay no attention to the sudden change and move on with his life. If this is so then he’s one of those friends that wasn’t worth keeping. He was just another one who shared some amazing memories with you, yet drifted off and will be nothing more than a memory. It’s nothing to be sad over Hurt, it’s just the way some people’s lives work. And besides, any friend that makes you feel bad is not a friend at all.

2.)    He’ll realize how you guys are becoming distant and may try to reconnect with you. A part of his old self still remains and he’ll miss those times that you guys shared that was full of laughter and enjoyment(: Maybe you’ll be able to get your old friend back after all(:

3.)    This plan could backfire. He could be mad that you’re trying to avoid him and might start saying things like, “oh yeah I thought we were cool but she suddenly turned cold on me.” And blah blah blah. The best way to avoid this situation is to make sure that if you want to put some distance between you guys, make it seem natural. Don’t go out of your way to run in the opposite direction if you see him approach you. You can still say hi to him and so on, just don’t initiate the conversation.

The way I see it, BT has become quite an ignoramus and will regret acting so later in life. If you’re already fed up with his behavior then it’s only a matter of time until the rest of his old friends will do the same.

As for DJ, try not to worry too much about it. The thing is, even if he does tell DJ then chances are he’ll ask you or people will begin to ask you if it’s true or not. The best way to act around this is to act cool and mature. If nosy people ask you, then they’re just looking for a juicy story to gossip about. If given the situation, just calmly tell them that it isn’t any of their business. However, if DJ asks you himself, then it’s all up to you on what you want to tell him. If you want to come out and tell him then go for it ;] You can reply with, “Yeah, sorry you had to hear it from someone else instead of me though.” And if you don’t want it to come out just yet then you can say, “Nah it’s just a stupid rumor. Sorry for getting you involved.” However, one of my friends made a ballsy move and flirted when telling her crush, “I don’t know, is it? How do you feel about it?” So really, it all just depends on how you want to take it and reply to it. In the end, your friends should have your back and be there for you if things get out of hand(:

So sorry I couldn’t reply to your letter sooner Hurt >_< I hope you have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year(:

~(Chingu) 친구