Anonymous: So lately, I've been handling a lot of family drama. It's intense. Okay, so. I'll tell it to you anyway. Maybe I'm not supposed to, but I just want someone to listen to all the weight I have on my shoulder's right now other than family because we've kept this secret between just our family. So, my dad, when he's drunk, abuses my mom. It's been going on for so long that I don't even remember when he started. I was thinking the other day, "He never did this when we were little. When did he start?" Well, anyway. Every time it happens, we have to rush to our brothers to help. It was 4 in the morning and this time, it got so bad that it got to the point where there was blood. That had never happened before. So while my brothers were helping my mom, she managed to grab the phone and dial 911. She threw the phone out and my sister talked to them. Am I cold hearted? Am I a bad person? Or was I just too sick of this ? Because when my sister saw blood around my mom's mouth, she was on the brink of tears. The odd thing is that she's 2 years older than me, and I didn't cry at all. Instead, I had to push her and my 7 year old brother into the living room where they couldn't see her. After me and my brothers struggled to get my dad off, my mom ran outside. It was freezing and she was barely wearing anything. My dad chased her outside and told my sister to hang up. Then he told my brothers to bring my mom back in. But she wouldn't. So being my stupid brother that is too scared of my dad, he hung up the phone and tried to persuade my mom to go back inside. But this time, she wasn't giving in. He only tried for about 30 seconds until we saw a cop car coming down the hill towards us. They took him away and that day, no one went to school. Everyone stayed home. I don't know how word spread around to our relatives, but they found out and one of the people that found out were my best cousins. So, I was thinking, "Yeah. They're my best cousins. They won't tell anyone." But instead, one of them told their best friends, who is sisters with my cousins friend, and then one day, my cousins friend, who also goes to the same school as my sister and I, came up to my sister and said, "I heard what happened to your family. Are you guys okay?" Then my sister came home and told me. After that, I couldn't really trust her anymore. I told her little sister(my other cousin) another secret of mine and even she could keep that. I was really mad at her. I kind of yelled at her. Just because she's your best friend doesn't mean that you can tell her. But, I'm sorry if this is taking a long time, it's not the end of the story yet. After the police took my father away, my mom kept secretly visiting my dad. My dad had one car, we had the other. They would secretly visit each other at night and all the kids in our family knew it. But one day, she came back and said, "Let's take our father back in." We all disagreed. I feel bad for one of my brothers because my mom is constantly nagging at him. But when she said that, he said, "No. If he want's to step back into this house, then he better apologize for what he did." We all agreed with him. But to our parents, they worry about their pride VERY MUCH. So my mom started visiting my dad because he was too embarrassed to go sleep at a relative's house. He wouldn't even sleep at my sister's, who's married, house. He couldn't eat much because he had no money. But she never told us this. She didn't tell us until the last minute. Then one night, we all went to go visit hi m and we convinced him to come back. Everyone was crying that night. We all sat with our parents that day. But something in me was still really angry. But he wasn't supposed to be with us. My mom did that thing where he couldn't get close to her again. Whatever it's called. Tell me, am I a bad person? Am I a bad daughter? Am I cold-hearted? My mom says that it's okay. He's too scared of the cops to start abusing her again. But lately, it's been looking as if he's going to hit her any minute. I just think this situation is ridiculous. He abuses her because he accuses her of cheating when he's the one that's cheating on her. I can't sit down with them and have a regular family talk like, probably a lot of you guys do. Our family isn't like that. I'm the second youngest in my family, I'm currently in middle school, and they'd take it as a joke. I don't know why, but I don't cry of fear. Or sadness. I cry because of anger. Only anger. So, thank you for listening to my silly story. I just need someone to listen right now. I can't tell the people that I know. If I do, word is going to spread. So once again, Thank You a million times for listening to my story. I feel somewhat relieved now. (:

Friend: Dear Anonymous,

I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve went through so much in such a short period of time. Not to mention that you’re still only in middle school. If I could and if I was next to you, I would definitely give you a hug and try to tell you that things will be alright. I wish I could promise you that everything will be perfect but I can’t, because I can’t tell you a lie where I don’t even know what the future will hold. However, just because you’re the second youngest in your family, doesn’t mean you don’t have a voice or say in the matter(:

First thing I want to tell you is that no you are not a horrible daughter just because you don’t cry. To be honest, I don’t cry over those sort of things either. If my friends and I are watching a sad movie and they are bawling, I just sit there not knowing what to do myself. I don’t understand the logic of it all either, but we’re all different. Therefore we all cry for different reasons. Maybe your case is that you’re strong enough to hold back the tears, or the reality of it all hasn’t hit you hard enough for the tears to spill yet. Just because you don’t cry, doesn’t make you heartless or anything of the sort. So please don’t blame yourself for that(:

Second of all, I want to tell you to be strong. Not to just stay strong for anything to come ahead, but to actually be strong. If your father does decide to go back to his violent ways, I want you to have enough strength to be the bigger person and call the police. I understand that he’s your father and he’s a part of the family, but abusing your loved ones is a serious issue and matter at hand. No one should ever raise a hand or a fist on someone if they truly love them, no matter what they say. The first problem in this case was not reporting him the first time around. Because you guys held the matter off for so long, your father had the mindset that he could simply continue doing it and not get ratted out by you guys. If this continues, this will only end in nothing but bloodshed and possibly worse. If you can stop the problem before it gets worse, then why not do so? The good things about him getting caught before, was that it was a slight wake up call for him. He’s now aware that if he keeps it up, he will get caught eventually. However, that was just a warning sign for him, who’s to say he won’t brush it off and hit your mother again?

It makes things really difficult when you can’t have those moments with your family where you just sit down and talk to one another, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t get your thoughts across. If you think that your voice won’t have a say in the matter, then what if you had two voices? After all, two voices are louder than one, right? Why not get your siblings involved and in on what’s been going through your mind. Maybe they both share the same vision and you all can try to get the message across to your mom. If she sees that you and your siblings have partnered up, she should be able to realize just how serious the matter is.

And finally, I want to tell you to forgive and forget when it comes to your best cousin. I’m sure that she didn’t mean to blurt out your family issues, especially you knowing how much trust you’ve put into her because of it and how personal the issue is. You just need to clarify some things and explain to her that it was a big secret that you really didn’t want anyone to know of, even if it was her best friend. So long as you two come to an understanding and an apology comes through, I don’t see any reason the two of you should fight(:

If you’re still upset with your father and you don’t think you can call the cops on him again, try to get the message across to him that you still want an apology from him. Make sure you have someone by your side when you tell him this because I don’t want you to take any chances in case he loses control of his actions and ends up harming you. You say no one would listen to the second youngest but it’s all a matter on how you say it, and what you say. If you act like the calm, level-headed, and mature person in the matter, then there shouldn’t be a reason as to why your father shouldn’t take you seriously. And to be quite honest, after all he’s put you through; he at least owes you just that. I don’t think you deserve to walk around your house in fear or rage, so this situation needs to be cleared up ASAP.

Feel free to write to me again if anything happens, I’m here to listen. I really do wish the best for you from this point onward Anonymous(: Fighting!~

~(Chingu) 친구