Trapped: I mostly hang out with boys, because I feel like I have more in common with them. It's been this way since I entered kindergarten. I'm usually the only girl in the group, but my friends treat me like I'm one of them, so it's not a big deal. I'm going to be a junior in high school this year and my mom won't let me have co-ed sleepovers without freaking out unless they're at my house. I understand that she's worried something might happen, but the way she's going about it is too much. She's legitimately trying to stalk my friends and their families. She wants their phone numbers, email addresses, and house addresses so she can contact them. She wants access to my Facebook account so she can monitor all of us. She wants to know everything about them to their grades, what they do at home, where their parents went to school, etc. I don't want to give out any of their personal information and all of her questions are making me feel like my friends and I can't have our own personal lives. What should I do? Thank you so much!

Friend: Dear Trapped,

It’s great that you’re so open to hanging out with guys and not only girls. But you need to understand some boundaries. We all have what we think to be overprotective parents but the truth of the matter is, they’re only doing what they think is best for us. However, that doesn’t mean locking a child up and not letting her have a little freedom. In your case, I think you just need to find a common ground and meet half-way with your mom(:

We all think that the minute we step out of the house, we’re adults and are free to do whatever we want right? Wrong. In the end, we all come back home and live under our parent’s roof and you know the saying – you live under their roof, you live under their rules. I understand where you’re coming from Trapped, you’re already a junior and you believe that your mom should give you more freedom and loosen the leash on you a little, right? However, unless you’re legally an adult and you live on your own already, I think I’m on your mom’s side about having a co-ed sleepover.

Even though I don’t know you in person, I don’t think you would be the irresponsible type to do anything dangerous with your guy friends, but try and view this from your mom’s point of view. Would you want your daughter to go to a co-ed sleepover with a bunch of guys she has no record of? You may be saying yes now, but really think through with the idea. I think that even though you’re already a junior, you should still have some boundaries. I don’t see a reason why you can’t hang out with them a little longer, but not overnight. If the issue is not having enough time to hang out with them, try getting together earlier or talk with your mom about extending your curfew just a few more minutes or hours(: I’m sure she can be reasonable.

Now as for your mom closing in on you and pinning you up against the wall, that’s something the two of you have to discuss as adults. Being a junior does mean that you get some freedom. Not a whole lot but definitely some. Try to sit down with your mom and explain to her that you’re more than capable of choosing your friends wisely and you are a responsible person. The issue with your mom is simple – trust and worry. She worries that you might not be hanging with the right people, or you’re growing up to fast, etc. Try to reassure her that has nothing to do with the matter. Tell her that you’re more than willing to tell her their names and some things that you’re comfortable about telling her. But as for your and your friend’s personal lives (ex. FB account, their family issues/status, etc.), explain to her that you don’t feel the need for her to know such confidential information. It’s your own private life and although you trust her, there are things in life that you would rather keep to yourself. Your friend’s lives are not your story to tell and they are definitely not for your mom’s ears to hear if they don’t want their stories to be told. Try and explain that to your mom that your friends are just regular people you’re close with, nothing more or less. Tell her that you’ll have your phone with you at all times so if anything, she can contact you and there won’t be a need to know your friend’s e-mails, numbers, and addresses.

One thing that can set your mom at ease is to at least meet your friends. Invite them over for dinner or something so your mom can get a feel as to who you’re hanging out with. It’ll lighten her stress and maybe she’ll stop watching you like an eagle. Make sure to warn them to be on their best behavior though! Showing up with friend’s that are well-mannered and responsible are definitely extra-credit points in your mom’s eyes ;)

When you do sit down and talk with your mom, make sure you stay level-headed and show her that you’re more than capable of being the mature adult. Don’t be too hard on your mom Trapped, she’s only trying to look out for her daughter(:

~(Chingu) 친구