Being in a survival show was going to be a first for all of us. This was an experience to gain skills, gain friends, and gain a chance of debuting. Being a trainee for eleven months in a famous company gave me the reason to be nervous. The fact that we were the first group to perform in front of the mentors made it worse.

“It’s okay, everyone. Let’s just do our best,” said Eunbi-unnie.

I nodded with Sohee and Suyoon. Eunbi-unnie was always the leader material. Debuting in her previous group and disbanding gave her such experiences that made her give good advice, teach us youngsters, and disciplined us to hone the best of our abilities. 

We were called up stage for our evaluation, having Ah Choo and Bad as our songs because they were songs of our seniors, Lovelyz and Infinite. We also shared our performance choreographed by Eunbi-unnie, hoping to get a boost in being part of the higher classes.

In the end, Eunbi-unnie got an A. I got a B while Sohee and Suyoon got a C. 

As we got backstage to receive our grades, Eunbi-unnie cheered us for a job well done. Sohee and Suyoon were apologetic for getting the lowest grades yet I was still.

After all, the show might be a chance for debut but I was always feeling inevitable of the future.

+++

It was the group evaluations and I got picked by Hwang Soyeon to sing the Japanese version of Twice-sunbaenim’s OOH-AHH. This was going to be a challenge for the Korean members. Language was either a bridge or a barrier to connection.

During the practices, we thought we’d be screwed. Moe was having a hard time with the choreography and Haeyoon-unnie may look fine but was also struggling as leader. I was with Doah, Soyeon and Seunghyeon most of the time to practice ourselves since Haeyoon-unnie had to prioritize Moe’s learnings.

During a break, we perked up as the other team were struggling more than we did. We ended up looking at each other because judging from our looks, we wanted to talk. So, the five of us went to a vacant room.

“Seoyoung-unnie was a little cocky.” Doah spoke as the savagest participant in all of the show. “She ended up as a leader and center yet she doesn’t take her responsibility seriously.”

“Say that again but slowly,” said Soyeon.

“Come on, guys. Leaders can never be perfect.” Haeyoon-unnie said. “I kind of understand Kahyeon and Haeun’s sentiments. Seoyoung may lead the group but she should talk to her members too. Which is why…” She patted each of our heads. “…never hesitate to talk to me. We must always talk to each other about our performance to reach a better understanding, okay?”

We all nodded. Moe was a little teary. She must’ve carried a burden for being the only Japanese member and for not catching up to the dance. I suddenly stepped in and added. “Moe-chan, it’s okay…”

She was sorry but we all contradicted that it was part of the process. We ended up laughing and made propositions; Moe was going to teach us about Japanese while we teach her to dance properly.

I wasn’t a ray of positivity. I was always uncertain, after all. But with this group evaluation, I hoped that this inevitability will lead to something great.

+++

I could slap myself to wake up from this dream. This was something I didn’t expect. The group evaluation was successful, our team won, and Moe and I had the most votes.

Moe was crying and thankful to us for helping her. We were more thankful to her because she boosted us up to win. Nonetheless, it was a group effort. The other team also did well. We all did well.

This was the first time that I would eat my uncertainty because it was going well.

+++ 

Alas. The inevitable returns.

It was the position evaluation and we would be performing SNSD-sunbaenim’s Into The New World; a classic song that bore the name of KPOP. Moe and I were in a group again, together with Yunjin, Nako, and Erii. The inevitable manifested into many things; me being the leader, me dealing with Yunjin and Nako’s ‘tension’ as they were nominees for center, and me dealing with the mentor’s criticisms about my singing.

“You sound like a robot, Chaewon,” said Teacher Soyu.

“You need to put more emotions in your singing,” said Teacher Hongki.

I could only nod. The uncertainty was getting to me again.

I have to strive. It was the only thing I could do to survive.

1st Place: Kim Chaewon

I froze as I saw my name at the top. I never thought of being first to the point I teared up. Moe was mostly cheering me on for this moment while the rest congratulated me for a job well done.

All in all, it was an inevitable win that was worth it.

+++

Concept evaluation; the third phase of the competition that gambled friendships, POVs from viewers, and the chance to debut. I never thought that it could really hit me, let alone everyone else.

I was in a group with vocal powerhouses. To Reach You was a good choice for me for it would showcase more of my angelic voice. It was also a struggle because of various factors; Sakura and Minju’s leave, Goeun-unnie and Yuri’s competition for center and main vocal, pressures upon us especially on Gyuri-unnie, and the scolding we got from the mentors because our dance wasn’t good.

For whatever it’s worth, we needed to meet the mentor’s standards and the public’s expectations. The vocal powerhouse of our group did the concept evaluation successfully.

After it all, our team was 2nd place. We gathered for a job well done, sharing high-fives and group hugs. After all, like the other trainees that have passed, all of us will go through eliminations.

Sohee and Suyoon crossed there, leaving me and Eunbi-unnie. After this, I might have the possibility to join them.

+++

The inevitable happened again.

I was part of the Top 20 and I was in a group to perform a Japanese song. Time went by so fast and little by little, my teammates for all evaluations were gone. Seunghyeon, Soyeon, Doah, Yunjin, Erii, Moe, Goeun-unnie, and Gyuri-unnie crossed the bridges towards elimination.

“You okay, Chaewon-ah?”

Kaeun-unnie faced me. Haeyoon-unnie was in the other group, leaving me under our nation leader’s care. She and Eunbi-unnie would’ve been the perfect pair of leaders but the latter was busy practicing. She was main vocal, after all.

“I’m good, unnie.” I reacted.

“Come on. We’ll be evaluated by the mentors soon so we need to get into formation.”

I nodded and followed, my mind focused on the performance but my mind already set to not make it to the final lineup. I had little to no screen time, my ranks were mediocre and I was never in the Top 12 so there was no way I’ll get in.

It’s okay. To the least I tried the inevitable.

+++

“The tenth member is…congratulations, Woollim Entertainment Kim Chaewon!”

I was stunned. I felt everyone cheer for me but I was stunned. My feet would’ve guided me to walk up front to say my speech but I was stunned.
I was so stunned that my tears dropped as I spoke my speech.

For me, those three months of being part of the survival show made me experience a lot of things. I did my best in every performance and try to get by just to strive. I had a nick for saying that I won’t make it but tonight, it felt like the Almighty rained a blessing upon me and here I was, hugging Minju before I got to my seat.

It was the inevitable; a happy one at that.

+++

I was out from buying stuff and having a light dinner with my family. I brought my personal gifts and the remaining food for my members and I arrived, pressing the code and opening the door.

Where is everyone?

“Surprise~!!!”

In front of me were my IZ*ONE members, singing the Happy Birthday song. I felt touched yet my serious didn’t let me show my emotions. Nonetheless, I thanked them.

“Happy Birthday, Ssamu.” Minju got a mint-colored cake. “We made this for you~”

I was touched again. Eunbi-unnie lit up the candle and Minju got closer so  I can make my wish.
Jokes on fate. That wish got on top of my head. I felt sticky buttercream slap my cheek as I saw Minju slip on a party hat. The members were speechless and thy breathed.

“MINJU GA DDO~!!!”

It would’ve been an epic fail thanks to Minju’s carelessness, a party hat, and a cake tossed on my face. But then, it was a day like this that made me smile. Nonetheless, we celebrated, with me holding a crying Minju’s hand.

There are many inevitable things but I’m glad that I don’t live that life too seriously. What wasn’t inevitable was my love for IZ*ONE; my friends, my family…

…and a beacon towards the inevitable future.