“How long has it been, Ssamu?”

It felt like a ring. How could a short series of words ring inside my head? 

“Ssamu?”

I shook my thoughts away and a beautiful frog greeted my vision. Her pink haired dragged down to her aesthetically pleasing features, her smile was giving me butterflies in my stomach…her eyes…

…why do her eyes betray the secrets we once shared?

“I’ve been well. How about you?”

That wad awkward. I could’ve asked where she’s been, what she was doing for the past two years. I could’ve asked a million questions and let her lay down one reason. Just one reason would’ve been enough.

“I’ve been well too.”

“Minjoo-ya~” 

I watched another girl drape her long arm around her. She had a goofy smile on her face and greeted me with much fervor, a greeting I so cringed.

“I’m Yujin…Minjoo’s girlfriend.” She reached her hand. “Thanks for the opportunity. I hope the three of us will get along well.”

I could look up to the sky and asked the Almighty why I worked in this café with these two girls as the new recruits. This was my last resort of a part-time job but sadly, two employees ended their job here and here they were, becoming the replaced distractions I never wanted to have. 

“Chaewon-ah.” I looked behind and there was Manager Kwon. “Yujin and Minjoo here will be our replacements for the vacant part-time slots in café. As the oldest part-timer in our establishment, you’ll be teaching them how we do things here.”

I just agreed and Manager Kwon pats my back and plasters a large smile that meant “We’re back in business!”. She left us to handle the cashier and I returned to their presences.

“What will do today, Chaewon?” Yujin asked.

I went back to the kitchen and managed to grab two hats and two aprons. I tossed one to Yujin and gently gave the other one to Minjoo. “Welcome to IZ*ONE Café. Your first day starts now.”

Yujin was giddy to put her new uniform on as Minjoo puts hers on like she was a scolded child crying her frustrations out. I went closer to fix her apron, adding a pat on the shoulder. “Follow me.”

“What about me?” Yujin asked again.

I rolled my eyes and called Wonyoung to get her started with some cleaning. I returned to Minjoo’s attention, saying. “You’ll be with me in the kitchen to whip up the food.”

She nodded and followed like a lost puppy. As we got to our stations, I looked at her and I remembered the good old times.

A messy kitchen was filled with a messy couple. They were laughing their hearts out while tossing dollops of icing to each other’s faces. One of them was running away but was caught in the hug of the other.

“Ah~ Ssamu~” Minjoo cackled as she was tickled.

She looked back and saw her half plastering a goofy smile, probably because she had some chocolate icing by her canine. Chaewon had a laugh herself since Minjoo had vanilla icing on her cheeks, like a blush without any blood.

Nonetheless, their distance wasn’t closed. Chaewon had her arms wrapped around Minjoo whereas the latter had her hands on Chaewon’s waist.

“Move a little closer so I can breathe you in.” 

Minjoo giggled. Even if they were messy of sugar, she hugged Chaewon closer. Chaewon felt happy in this enclosure. 

Who knew Minjoo was just enough?

A reaction blocked my vision. Yujin was already in between us as she admired Minjoo decorating the cake with icing.

“How do you do that, love?” 

Love.

How repugnant.

“Someone very special taught me.” Minjoo spoke.

I excused myself away from the scene and went outside. I remove my hat and leaned on the wall, sighing and looking at the sky.

For the first time in my life, my heart feels empty. It feels like I need something that stays with me forever.

“You’re so warm, Minguri…”

Minjoo just smiled as her fingers caressed Chaewon’s cheeks. They were lying in bed, all clean and fresh. The cake they made together was inside the fridge to which they’ll indulge to later on.

“You’re warmer.” Minjoo mumbled as she snuggled Chaewon instead.

“Don’t worry…” Chaewon added as she hugged Minjoo close. “…I’ll keep you safe and warm…always…”

“Always…” 

My eyes are betraying me. All those reasons laid one did the same.

I shrugged it off and decided to return to work.

+++

“I’m sorry…”

I chuckled. It was a chuckle of bitterness, deceit, lies…

It was a chuckle that I deserved to have.

“Did it not work for us, Yujin?” I looked at her, eyes watery. 

“It’s not your fault, Minjoo. We’re just…not meant for each other.” 

I shouldn’t feel hurt. I deserved it. I deserved the bitterness, the deceit, the lies…

No. Yujin didn’t lie. I was lying to myself.

It was a shocking fight. Chaewon 5 wanted her attention but Minjoo thought it was a distraction. 

“I can’t believed you faked an emergency just to get me home!” Minjoo snapped. “I just missed my audition thanks to you!”

Chaewon just scratched her head but she was guilty deep down. Amid that excuse, it was the only reason she could lay down to Minjoo. “Hey…I just wanted you home –“

“I could’ve returned later, Chaewon.”

“And then you’ll go and practice again. Then you’ll make it up tomorrow…and it never happens again.” Chaewon confessed, her eyes got wetter. “Come on, Min. We got distant ever since you went to chase your dream of becoming an actress.”

“It’s my dream, Chae. It makes me happy.” Minjoo spoke like she wanted to get some sense on Chaewon. “Don’t you want that for me?”

“To hell I do. It’s just that you had to lie to me.” Chaewon spoke. “Your eyes betray your secrets, Min. I want you to be happy but I also want to be truthful to me. I want to be part of that happiness for you…”

Minjoo’s tears dropped. She felt daggers stab her chest. It also ended up to blind her eyes and heart as she pushed Chaewon out of the way and scuffled her stuff out and into a bag. Chaewon would stop but a slap on the face froze her. The last thing Chaewon saw was Minjoo’s crying face and the last thing she heard was the slam on the door.

“I want you to be happy, Minjoo…but I’m not gonna be that happiness…”

Minjoo looked as she saw Yujin smiling with tears running down her eyes. She ended up wiping them off and cried with her. “You deserve someone better…”

“…and you deserve to be happy with the one you truly love, Minjoo.”

I let go first and Yujin bids her farewell. I watched her walk away and cried lightly again. 

Yujin and I had a long journey. After I broke up with Chaewon, she came to me like a blessing. We knew each other as actresses and got into a relationship. Unfortunately, the news of it spread like wildfire and we were forced to quit our dreams. I didn’t want Yujin to get involved but she wanted to fall with me. 

We lived a normal life and tried to look for work. We found some but the pay was so low. We resorted to get part-time jobs and IZ*ONE Café became our salvation.

But I never thought I’d see her again after some time. And by fate’s game, we saw each other again.

“Why are you crying?” She spoke as she got closer. “Did something happen between you and Yujin?”

“I deserved it.” I regained my composure and wiped my tears away. “What were you doing here?”

“Looking for another part-time job.” Chaewon shrugged. “Yujin owed me my place and a black-eye back then.”

I cursed internally. How could I forget that Chaewon was jobless thanks to me?

IZ*ONE Café became a success. Manager Kwon was happy with it that she treated all the staff for some good barbeque. Chaewon and Minjoo arrived first followed by the other part-timers, Wonyoung and Yena. Yujin came in last but with her red face, I could tell she was drunk.

And it was bad. Yujin’s never herself when she wasn’t sober.

She rambled about Minjoo’s past life with Chaewon and felt betrayed that Minjoo had an ounce of feeling towards Chaewon despite breaking up. Chaewon saw Minjoo’s uncomfortable state that she stopped Yujin from ranting, only to get a strong punch on the face. It turned out that Chaewon packed a more powerful punch that it almost cost Yujin her life, hence to why she was fired.

“I almost killed her, Min. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But if it wasn’t for my emotions, you wouldn’t have lost your job.”

Chaewon gave me a look as my tears kept dropping. She sighed and pulled me closer to which I froze.

“Come on. Let’s go to the park and calm ourselves.”

Somehow, I didn’t hesititate when Chaewon pulled me and walked with me. We stopped by a bench, to which Chaewon lets me sit while she went to buy ice cream. Chaewon returned with one mint choco and one vanilla. I got the latter and smiled lightly.

She still knows my favorite.

I just looked down at the white cold treat and my tears worsened. I heard Chaewon sigh and and felt my tears being wiped off. 

“Hey. Are you crying because I can only afford this?”

My heart was beating within this fleeting moment. I couldn’t deny it any longer.

“I’m crying because of you, idiot.” i added and sniffled. “How could you be so nice to me after all that had happened?”

Chaewon still ate her toothpaste flavored treat but I felt she wasn’t going to joke on this one. She stopped eating and sighed, looking at the fallen leaves and the playful children.

“I don’t want you to dig a hole on yourself, Min. Besides, I don’t wish something bad to happen to anyone. You’re still a person and you deserve to be treated well.” She added. “My heart beats for you within the fleeting days and nights, Min. There’s no use of denying it that if there was ever a time that we’d fall apart, I’d never want to see you hurt. I want to see you happy.”

“Chae…”

Chaewon got a spoonful vanilla ice cream and shoved it in my mouth. I huffed a bit but I indulged on the ice cream. After a series of bites and sits, the sun was saying goodbye and the moon was saying hello. Chaewon and I stayed on the spot but with the ice cream already consumed and the deafening silence between us, I had to ask something that I’ve been meaning to tell her.

“Ssamu.”

It was a cute call. I missed calling her that. I wonder if she missed it too.

“What is it, Minguri?”

. I missed that too.

“Why don’t we just fall in love again?”

I saw Chaewon’s wide eyes as she looked at me. I didn’t avert my gaze and wanted to hear an answer from her.

“Why do you think we should do that, Min?”

There goes the original call. I sighed and mumbled my sorry. I guess it was just useless to bring that up. I couldn’t leave her hanging so I answered. “Because even if we messed our relationship up, my feelings never left. Everything felt so right with you that I almost want to hold you  tight and be with you again.”

“M-Min…I…” Chaewon rubbed her temples. “I’ve been moving on for two years and I don’t want us to have a backlash worse than the last so…we shouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry. I felt terrible when I lashed on you and left you all those years ago; without realizing that you were always caring and supportive for me when I couldn’t do the same to you. I just realized that…you were truly my happiness. I wouldn’t truly feel that way and realize the mistakes I made if it wasn’t for you.”

From Chaewon’s look, it was like she didn’t want to hear it anymore. She would’ve wanted this before but it was too late. Despite that, it was best to tell her everything I’ve felt. 

“I regretted leaving you, Ssamu. It wasn’t the same without you and I felt lonelier and I…” I looked up to wipe my tears away. “…I missed you so much, Ssamu.”

Chaewon’s tears dropped as well. I couldn’t be afraid anymore that I wiped them away. But then, Chaewon held that hand and gently pushed it away.
“I’m sorry too, Min…but I don’t have what it takes to be a partner for you anymore.”

“Ssamu, no…that’s not true…” I spat and held her hands.

“But…” She spoke again. “…I’d make a good partner for you again...someday.”

I didn’t understand. Just then, Chaewon inched closer and I felt her lips on my forehead. My cheeks would’ve been flushed and my hands wouldn’t control holding her tighter. But then, we let go and she spoke.

“We’ve loved yet we’ve hurt each other. We had our paths yet we meet at the point again. It won’t be easy to just left behind us and just fall in love again. But we will again…someday…”

I didn’t refute and finally understood Chaewon. She stood up first and grabbed by hand. “Consider this as the start to reaching our “someday”.”

I smiled and held back, walking together.

I’ll wait. We’ll get there…

…someday.