“Fighting! Fighting! Fighting, fighting, fighting!”

It was our mantra in every evaluation at Starship Entertaiment. It was also the same mantra we delivered as it was our turn to perform for the first evaluations. I was with two unnies, all of us were wearing white, and my eyes couldn’t help but gleam our of excitement and nervousness.

As psychology would say, the symptoms of the two were almost incomparable.

Who would’ve thought that a thirteen-year-old girl would dare to step foot in the realities of the entertainment industry? Dad was a music teacher so I would be fit for this. I was growing into a beautiful kid so I would be fit for this. I trained in a decent company for a year so I would be fit to do this.

But who knows how long would I be able to withstand whatever it holds in the future? I can’t help but ask. I’m still a kid, after all.

Nonetheless, the evaluation made way. After the reactions of being a thirteen-year old inside a giant body, we performed Little Mix’s wings. Our voices were baby-like, ironic given our giant bodies. As we finished performing, the mentors discussed on what grades we’ll get.

It was a blessing. The three of us got Bs.

We thanked the mentors and went back with the same mantra. We got on the backstage to get our respective stickers, the letter B evident for many to see.

“That was great!” Ahn Yujin-unnie cheered. 

“That was close. My voice was almost inaudible,” said Cho Kahyeon-unnie.

“It’s alright, unnies. We got decent grades and that’s what matters.”

“For a kid, you have quite the knowledge, Jang Wonyoung.” Yujin-unnie pinched my cheeks.

“Unnie~” I whined, trying to remove her hands.

“Too sentimental for me.” Kahyeon-unnie added before walking ahead.

Yujin-unnie and I were playfully nudging each other before we followed her. I meant those words, especially when she’s there.

When Yujin-unnie is there…

+++

It was the evaluation for Nekkoya and for us B trainees, we had the week to practice everything. For us, the Startship trainees, we try our best to work together during the practice, all the while we work harder when we practice ourselves. For my case, I wanted to practice better. 

Yujin-unnie has a high chance of getting A and I want to come with her.

After all the practices and individual video shots, we were in our classroom. Teacher May J Lee was calling our names one by one, handing us our new grades. It was an ultimatum on who stays and who goes up or down the ranks.

“Jang Wonyoung.”

I got closer to her and she hands my card. I took a peek and saw my grade.

I sighed. I get to stay here.

I bowed my gratitude and returned to my spot, seeing my unnies get their grades until all of us were done in getting our grades.

“For those who get the same grade, remain. Otherwise, you are requested to move to your new classes.” Teacher Lee instructed.

I watched as some students went out one by one as the new ones got inside, sitting in another corner. What made me nervous was that my Starship unnies went out. I guess they have a new grade.
As much as I felt happy for them, I felt sad. I was left alone.

It’s okay.

Those were the words Yujin-unnie told me every night. It was also the same pair of words she mouthed to me before she left to her new class. With that in mind, I must continue to strive harder.
When the group evaluation comes and I get to choose the members, I’ll make sure to have my unnies in the same team.

+++

I stuck to what I said and I never broke that promise. Although Kahyeon-unnie was in another team, I at least got Yujin-unnie. Not only that, my fellow B trainees Miru-unnie and Yena-unnie were with me. Yujin-unnie had Hitomi and Goeun unnies and we got our picked song: I.O.I-sunbaenims Very Very Very.

We had our fair shares of deciding our parts and I thank the Almighty that I got center position. The practices were almost a struggle but Hitomi-unnie came to our rescue. Each of us strived to work hard, especially when Teacher Bae was evaluating us.

She was a scary teacher. Her gazes could kill and she had a voice that could make you pee in your shorts if you’re not careful. Nonetheless, I had to uphold my responsibility as center and performed my best. I could see Teacher Bae’s mouth twitch, boosting me to perform better.

After that, Teacher Bae gave comments about our performance, our coordination as a group, and our individual efforts. It was my turn to earn my comments and she said – 

“You’re fit to be the center. Great job.”

I was shocked but I bowed nonetheless. Even during the day of the performance proper, my shock wasn’t contained before and after, especially when the results were announced.

It was a miracle. Our group won.

The other team did a good job too. ALL of us did a good job. I couldn’t hold my happiness with the group, even I trapped Yujin-unnie in my embrace.

So far, this has been a great quest.

+++

I couldn’t hold my shock yet I always held back my admiration. Yujin-unnie and I were at the Top 4 with the couple of the century, Kaeun-unnie and Sakura-neesan. They looked cure together when they hugged during the center selection and based from Yujin-unnie, Kaeun-unnie was the most reliable unnie she ever had, even Sakura-unnie admired her so much.

Oh, how I wish we could be like that too.

“3rd placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Jang Wonyoung.”

Yujin-unnie cheered for me and I got to the center and say my speech. I said my gratitude to the fans who voted for me and to my teammates, especially to the Very Very Very Team. Amid that, one thing that crossed my mind is this.

I am always at the Top 12. With my high ranks, I dedicate myself not to let my fans down and exceed their expectations always.

+++

It was now the position evaluation and I chose to be where Kaeun and Miru unnies are. Being in the team was the best because I had the best members and the best leader.

“If you guys work hard in practice, I’ll give candy~”

Being a giant baby, I raced to get first in line. The unnies followed and Kaeun-unnie fed us and took care of us like a mother. Like Yujin-unnie said, she was a very reliable leader and I loved that.

Speaking of Yujin-unnie, I wonder how she was doing…

“Want to see the Sorry Not Sorry team, Wonyoung?”

Kaeun-unnie asked that. It was our break and I had second thoughts whether to accept. They could be practicing. “Should I, unnie?”

“Only if you want to. If yes, then I’ll come with you.”

I nodded instantly and we went. We greeted the staff, the teachers who passed by, and especially the other trainees. They mostly greet Kaeun-unnie and I didn’t mind. She was famous by most of the trainees because of her caring nature, especially with the meek Japanese trainees.

“Unnie~ Wonie~” A fast big puppy was charging at us.

Yujin-unnie sprung like a kangaroo and pounced to hug us. Luckily, Kaeun-unnie held most of the weight and we hugged Yujin-unnie back like it was nothing. We broke and I hugged Yujin-unnie longer. The rest of the Sorry Not Sorry team pounced to hug Kaeun-unnie, with GoYu-unnie giving Kaeun-unnie a simple hi-five.

“Off to lunch!” Chaeyeon-unnie pointed to where the canteen was.

We went off, following Chaeyeon-unnie’s lead. Yujin-unnie and I were draped to the arms and I was happy for this moment.

I’d thank Kaeun-unnie for accompanying me. I missed Yujin-unnie.

+++

Being in very high ranks was very unexpected. I was second in our group’s position evaluations and I got first in the second elimination round. It was an overwhelming experience as it was almost a responsibility I withheld for myself but the important to me was I still have someone with me.

At least, Yujin-unnie was there.

“Congratulations, Wonyoung.”

Kahyeon and Yujin-unnies said those but behind the camera, I couldn’t hold my tears. The hugged me and reassures me that it was okay and that I deserved it. I couldn’t help it. Kahyeon-unnie got eliminated and I was burdened to be a center.

“I’ll give you both some time.” I heard Kahyeon-unnie speak. 

I was now enveloped in Yujin-unnie’s embrace and I had no decision to break. 

“Won…don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? You were born to shine. You were born to be the center.” Yujin-unnie spoke. “Whatever happens, I’m right here.”

I nodded and thanked her. She was right. I should be alright because Yujin-unnie is here.

+++

I was worried. I was worried to the bone.

I was in a vacant stall and my tears kept on dropping. It was the concept evaluation and lately, I got criticized by many things – from my sloppy dance to my falsetto voice that made me look flirtatious. Being tat the top had its bad consequences. As a result, it overwhelmed me to the point where I just broke down.

“Won…”

I looked up and there was Yujin-unnie. She was sweating and shared the same distressed look as I was. She got to my side and I instantly wept in her embrace. 

I shared everything that had happened and she also had her fair share of criticism since she was now the center of I Am and not Kaeun-unnie. 

“Hey, hey…just cry. It’s okay.” Yujin-unnie still hugged me. “We’re still kids and have a long way ahead of us. It’s okay to fall down as long as we rise up again.”

I chuckled and Yujin-unnie whined because she meant them. I chuckled because even though Yujin-unnie was the dorkiest puppy I’ve ever seen, she always spoke wisely and assured me towards everything.

I was really thankful and I pray that we’ll be together until the end.

+++

Yujin-unnie and I were working hard as centers of our respective songs in the concept evaluation, and we continue to do so until the debut evaluation. 

There were many ups and downs. Yujin-unnie’s ranks were so low to the point she was out of the Top 12. Mine dropped from first to seventh but I was still grateful to be there. My mantra of not giving disappointment was still the same and I was relieved that Yujin-unnie and I continue to work hard. We even share the same song for the debut evaluation.

And as we got to the announcement of the final members, I grew nervous for the both of us. This time, I cared less about getting in or not getting in. What’s important to me is that one cannot go without the other.

“5th placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Ah Yujin!”

I couldn’t hold my emotions and so did Yujin-unnie. I rushed to hug and congratulate her before she had to go to the pedestal, say her speech, and go to her seat. I was ecstatic that all her hard work became worth it.

And now, I hope to have a slot too. I didn’t want to leave Yujin-unnie behind. And boy, did the Almighty hear me as Sakura-neesan and I were called for the center?

I didn’t mind about it. I was relieved that I got my chance to be with Yujin-unnie in this group.

“1st placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Jang Wonyoung!!”

I couldn’t hold my shock. This was almost too much to bear. It was my birthday, I got a spot with Yujin-unnie in the group, and now, I was the group’s center.

It was greater than I could imagine. I was very thankful for it until the end.

When the final lineup was complete, we did a group hug. I even got a chance to hug Yujin-unnie and she whispered.

“Happy birthday, Won. We did it.”

We did it. We actually did it.

+++

“Unnies! What is this?!”

“Calm down, Won. We’re almost there.” I heard Chaeyeon-unnie.

“Where are we?”

“Secret~” I heard Sakura-neesan speak this time. “We’re here~”

I was guided to what seems to be a chair. Chaeyeon-unnie guided me to sit down. 

“Ready, Won?” 

“As I’ll ever be?” I spoke.

I felt my blindfold off and I was greeted by most of the members. Minju-unnie held a cake while all of them gathered in front of me and sang the Happy Birthday song.

But someone was missing – 

“Thank you, unnies~” I got up to hug them nonetheless. 

After the whole surprise, I had a wonderful time partying with my unnies. Eunbi and Nako unnies were feeding me with cake despite Hyewon-unnie’s whines. Chaeyeon and Sakura unnies are doing weird dances with Chaewon and Minju unnies and I couldn’t help but join, with Yena, Hitomi, and Yuri unnies following after.

“Gift giving time~” Eunbi cheered.

The unnies lined up and I was told to sit down. I got each of their gifts and opened them. I couldn’t hold my tears because they’ve given me my favorite stuff.

“Don’t cry yet, our baby center~” Eunbi hugged me. “You still have one more gift.”

“What?” I was shocked while wiping my tears. 

“There is. Check the veranda,” said Hyewon-unnie.

I nodded and went there. Once I got outside, I was greeted by an unexpected surprise.

Either that or I was just so whipped.

“Happy birthday, Wonie~” Yujin-unnie held my favorite cake and it had a lit candle on the center.

She sang her own rendition of the Happy Birthday song and I couldn’t help but draw closer and blow the candle when she was done. I placed the cake on the table and hugged her closer. 

The cake and this surprise was more than enough. What I really wanted was just Yujin-unnie. “For a moment, I thought you forgot.”

“I could never.” She spoke while hugging back. “I could never forget everything about the most important person in my life.”

I heard her greet again and thanked her. I didn’t let go immediately and wanted to cherish this moment as destiny  wanted it to be.