Feeling used, but I'm still missing you
And I can't see the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips
And now all this time is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you

Sakura had a mum face as she watched a beatiful eater devour her sandwich. She was talking to her best friend, probably about Outlast and other antics. Her eyes gazed at her own that she spits her food and walked away. Her best friend told her wait until she got a good look at the source. "What is it, Sakura?"

Yena was usually a clown but at this time, she was like Pennywise. Nonetheless, Sakura got to the table and sat where the said girl sat. "What did you and Hyewon talk about?"

"Now you care for her?" Yena raised, scoffing. "You could've said that before you forced yourself on her."

"You don't understand!" Sakura slammed her hands on the table. "I love her!"

"Real talk!" Yena rolled her magazine and hits Sakura's head. "You two hate each other to the point you forced yourselves to love each other."

Yena stormed away from the scene as Sakura sighed, putting her hands on her face as her frustration consumes her.

+++

What about all the times
You would pick me up and we'd just drive
Around until we found a place to stay and waste the day away
We'd do nothing but it was okay with me
They say it's not good to spend all my time
Thinking about you so late at night
But I can't stop once I start it's like an avalanche
Thoughts coming and I just wanna hold your hand
Hold your breath, I'm going under
Not coming up 'til this night is over

It was a silent ride. Sakura was looking at the view of the hard rain. She then looked to one side where the driver was literally driven in driving her car.

"Thanks for this, Kwangbae." Sakura spoke. 

"Yeah...sure..." Hyewon mumbled as she drove faster.

There goes the silence again. Sakura thought it hurts her ears but all of that had to stop as Hyewon stopped their car.

"We're here..." Hyewon spoke as she got with an umbrella.

Sakura opened the door and Hyewon was already at her side, a large umbrella shielding them. Sakura closed the door behind her as she was at Hyewon's side, her conscience debating to whether she'll hold her arms or not. Her hands followed that as her fingers wrapped Hyewon's arm. The latter didn't say anything nor moved it away until the got to doorstep of Sakura's home.

"Thanks again." Sakura spoke, her hold still intact.

Hyewon nodded and her gaze glued onto Sakura's hold, giving Sakura the sign to let go. Hyewon turned back but Sakura held her to wait.

"Why do you do this to me, Kwangbae?"

"Do what?" Hyewon asked as she slightly looked back.

"Do you hate me?"

Hyewon sighed and shook her head. Sakura didn't understand and wanted to rant but Hyewon was one step ahead of her. "You have Kaeun, right?"

Lee Kaeun was Sakura's girlfriend. They knew each other since they were babies - practically their parents knew each other to the point they were bethrothed. They were friends, partners, and became lovers when they grew up. But in such circumstances, Kaeun got involved in an accident that cost her life. Sakura felt devastation tail her up until the present...

...until Hyewon came into her life.

"I know. I cry every night as to why she was taken away from me...but she wouldn't want me to suffer like this forever." Sakura spoke as tears dropped on her face. "She would want me to move on and I want to do it now...with you."

"We tried, Kkura...but it just didn't work out." Hyewon spoke as she shielded herself with the umbrella. "I've had my chances. Don't make me hope again."

Sakura watched Hyewon walk to her car and drive away. She got inside and felt the frustration consume her again. 

It wasn't Hyewon's fault. It was her own. Hyewon gave her so many chances - even to the point that she had to cheat - but she got fed up since Sakura did the same when they got together. Even if the treatments were the same, a wall was in between them. Sakura did her efforts to break it but Hyewon was eager to build it back.

She felt stupid. Maybe Hyewon was right in treating her that way.

+++

All alone, I watch you watch her
Like she's the only girl you've ever seen
You don't care, you never did
You don't give a damn about me

"Jesus, Kwangbae...this isn't like you." Yena spoke as she decided to eat the rest of her sandwich.

Hyewon just nodded as she slumped her head on the table. It seems that the time she sent Sakura to her home built up guilt. But how could she? Sakura sinned first and she just became a distraction - a plaything, even?

"Do you really love Sakura or not?"

The question stirred Hyewon's senses. A part of her wanted it but another was afraid that Sakura will break it again. "There's nothing between us, Yena."

"Is it because Sakura always talks abouut Kaeun-nim when you were together?"

Hyewon nodded. "She wanted to move on but she's holding herself back." She drank her milk. "I was just a distraction."

Hyewon dropped her carton as she saw Sakura. Judging from her face, she heard everything.

Hyewon watched her walk away and something inside her made her chase her.

+++

She's the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me

"Kkura!" Hyewon held her arm. 

Sakura looked back, only to drive Hyewon's hand away. Tears ran down from her face and she didn't bother wiping them off - even cutting close to slap Hyewon's hands in an attempt to wipe them from her.

"Sorry..." Sakura looked away. "I had no right to react. It's my fault you felt that way."

Hyewon couldn't do anything. wanted to slip an apology when her phone rang. Hyewon answered the call and the next thing Sakura, she ran without saying anything. Sakura punched her locker and cried.

She was killing herself little by little.

+++

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put
Nobody else above you

"How is she?" Sakura asked.

"She's alright now." Hyewon spoke. "Thanks for your concern."

Their talk had to halt as it was their turn to walk down the aisle, Sakura with her suit and tie and Hyewon with the dress.

Amid the events that played the role of what their life was right now, they'll never forget the cries and smiles they ever portrayed to each other. It was tough during the first steps of that life but to the least, they now realize that they were the ones for each other. From that day onwards, they realize that they need each other and they want to be with each other for the rest of their lives. 

For Sakura, she vowed to make this promise for Hyewon. She promised to make her laugh. She promised to be there whenever she needed her, with no more distractions and discouragement. She promised to be patient with her at all times, even if she would get sidelined. And she promised to never change.

Sakura loved Hyewon so much. Sakura wanted her to be the happiest woman in the world...

...even if they'll never end up together.

Sakura smiled as she stopped. She looked at Hyewon smile back at her as she got to her future husband, Han Chowon.

"Thank you." Hyewon whispered as she and Chowon proceeded with the vows.

Sakura just nodded as her eyes got teary. No matter what happens in her life, Sakura swore to those words, even if she realized this one thing.

+++

You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her

"Kaeun-chan..." Sakura sat by the grave as she poured two shots of soju. "How could you leave me behind, really?"

Sakura drank her share as she talked everything she wanted to say to an inanimate slab of stone. Even the worst experience she recently had. 

"Kwangbae and Chowon got married now, leaving our relationship all those years ago. Even if Hyewon cheated on her, Chowon must've loved her so much...and Hyewon did too, which is why we were never meant to be together, no matter how hard we tried..." She drank again and was teary. "...and maybe it's because I still love you..."

A third shot got inside Sakura's system. She may look and feel ty but it was just a persona. She wanted to let loose for after this visit, she was going to change for the better. 

"I'm sorry, Kaeun-chan. We hated and loved each other a lot. We needed each other, we wanted each other...but we weren't each other. But don't worry..." Sakura smiled as she placed flowers. "...I'll make sure to live my life now. For you..." She got up and got the bottle. "...and for Hyewon."

Sakura smiled and caressed the stone before leaving.

"I swear." were her last words as she left.