“Fighting! Fighting! Fighting, fighting, fighting!”

It was our mantra in every evaluation at Starship Entertaiment. It was also the same mantra we delivered as it was our turn to perform for the first evaluations. I was with a fellow-aged trainee and with our maknae, all of us were wearing white, and my eyes couldn’t help but gleam out of anticipation and eagerness.

Who would’ve thought that a fourteen-year-old girl would dare to step foot in the realities of the entertainment industry? I was mostly aspiring to be more in the MC, acting, and CF industries but I would be fit for this. My parents had little faith in me but I would be fit for this. I had ups and downs in training in a decent company but I would be fit to do this.

But who knows how long would I be able to withstand whatever it holds in the future? I can’t help but ask. I’m still a kid, after all.

Nonetheless, the evaluation made way. After the reactions of being a familiar face in CFs and music videos, we performed Little Mix’s wings. Our voices were baby-like, ironic given our giant bodies. As we finished performing, the mentors discussed on what grades we’ll get.

It was a blessing. The three of us got Bs.

We thanked the mentors and went back with the same mantra. We got on the backstage to get our respective stickers, the letter B evident for many to see.

“That was great!” I cheered. 

“That was close. My voice was almost inaudible,” said Cho Kahyeon.

“It’s alright, unnies. We got decent grades and that’s what matters.” Our maknae Jang Wonyoung added.

“For a kid, you have quite the knowledge, Jang Wonyoung.” I couldn’t help but pinch her cheeks.

“Unnie~” Wonyoung whined, trying to remove her hands.

“Too sentimental for me.” Kahyeon-unnie added before walking ahead.

Wonyoung and I were playfully nudging each other before we followed her. Those playful gestures might be evideny yet I was mostly serious about them

I may be playful but I was serious when Wonyoung was there.

+++

It was the evaluation for Nekkoya and for us B trainees, we had the week to practice everything. For us, the Startship trainees, we try our best to work together during the practice, all the while we work harder when we practice ourselves. For my case, I wanted to practice better and aim to move to A. 

I was usually chill when it came to these as I continue to work hard. When I hear the trainees talk, they always say that I had a higher chance of ranking up. I shrugged it off and continued to practice. 

In another part of my thoughts, I hoped that my fellow Starship trainees can join me, especially Wonyoung.

After all the practices and individual video shots, we were in our classroom. Teacher May J Lee was calling our names one by one, handing us our new grades. It was an ultimatum on who stays and who goes up or down the ranks.

“Ahn Yujin.”

I got closer to her and she hands my card. I took a peek and saw my grade.

I was conflicted. I was happy because my hard work helped me accomplish that little goal. And in another, I was worried and hoping that my fellow Starship trainees could join me.

I bowed my gratitude and returned to my spot, seeing Kahyeon and Wonyoung get their grades until all of us were done.

“For those who get the same grade, remain. Otherwise, you are requested to move to your new classes.” Teacher Lee instructed.

I watched as some students went out one by one as the new ones got inside, sitting in another corner. What made me nervous was only Kahyeon and I got out, leaving Wonyoung. 

I guess her grade is the same.

“Kahyeon-ah, which class are you in?”

She gestured it and went. As much as I felt happy for my success, I felt sad. I was left alone.

I left Wonyoung alone.

I saw her slumping in the corner. I couldn’t leave her in that state and got her attention. “It’s okay.”

Those were the words I always tell her every night. It was also the same pair of words that made her feel better before I left to my new class. With that in mind, I must continue to strive harder.

When the group evaluation comes and I get to choose the members, I’ll make sure to have my unnies in the same team.

I’ll make sure to have Wonyoung in my team.

+++

I stuck to what I said and I never broke that promise. In fact, I was given that opportunity and made sure to handle that responsibility well. Although Kahyeon-unnie was in another team, I at least got Wonyoung. Not only that, I picked her fellow B trainees Miru-unnie and Yena-unnie. I picked Hitomi and Goeun unnies and we got our picked song: I.O.I-sunbaenims Very Very Very.

We had our fair shares of deciding our parts and I thank the Almighty that we had the chance to select our center. I was reminded to act playfully because I wanted Wonyoung to be the center. Thank the Alimighty that effort worked.

The practices were almost a struggle but Hitomi-unnie came to our rescue. Each of us strived to work hard, especially when Teacher Bae was evaluating us. Nonetheless, I had to uphold my responsibility and performed my best. 

“You’re fit to be the center. Great job.”

It was what Teacher Bae said to Wonyoung and I was peoud of her. Even during the day of the performance proper, my pride was still contained for our group for an all-out performance, especially for Wonyoung.

It was a miracle. Our group won.

The other team did a good job too. ALL of us did a good job. I couldn’t hold my happiness with the group, even I trapped Wonyoung trap me in her embrace and I just let her be. I liked it, after all.

So far, this has been a great quest.

+++

I couldn’t hold my shock yet I always held back my admiration. Wonyoung and I were at the Top 4 with the couple of the century, Kaeun-unnie and Sakura-neesan. They looked cute together when they hugged during the center selection and based from my experience, Kaeun-unnie was the most reliable unnie ever, even Sakura-unnie admired her so much.

Oh, how I wish we could be like that too.

“3rd placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Jang Wonyoung.”

I cheered for her and she got to the center and say her speech. She said her gratitude to the fans who voted for her and to us, the Very Very Very Team. Amid that, one thing that crossed my mind is her words.

I am always at the Top 12. With my high ranks, I dedicate myself not to let my fans down and exceed their expectations always.

I clapped again and I was called with Kaeun-unnie for 1st place. I was flattered to hear that Kaeun-unnie considered her as a great competition for her. It made me feel proud that Kaeun-unnie was proud of me too.

And she deserved the 1st spot. Being 2nd was enough as long as Wonyoung and I are together throughout the competition with Kahyeon.

No. Being second was more than enough. I also couldn’t help but say goodbye to the other trainees while I hope to meet them on stage again.

+++

It was now the position evaluation and I chose Sorry Not Sorry. Being in the team was the best because I had the best members. Even I get to team up with Yena-unnie again.

Being a giant baby in the team, I still want to be in that level of competition and show my capabilities. It was a rollercoaster of practices but we also had our times when we act like dorks. 

Speaking of dorks, I wonder how she was doing…

“Go and see her, AhnYu.”

Eunbi-unnie asked that. It was our break and I had second thoughts whether to accept. They could be practicing. “Should I, unnie?”

“Only if you want to. If yes, then run out like the free puppy you are. We’ll catch up.”

I nodded instantly and went. I greeted the staff, the teachers who passed by, and especially the other trainees. I saw Kaeun-unnie and I didn’t mind the companion she had. She was the person I wanted to see, after all.

“Unnie~ Wonie~”

I sprung like a kangaroo and pounced to hug them. Luckily, Kaeun-unnie held most of the weight and I hugged them like 84 years have passed. We broke and I got hugged by Wonyoung longer. The rest of the Sorry Not Sorry team pounced to hug Kaeun-unnie, with GoYu-unnie giving Kaeun-unnie a simple hi-five.

“Off to lunch!” Chaeyeon-unnie pointed to where the canteen was.

We went off, following Chaeyeon-unnie’s lead. Wonyoung and I were draped to the arms and I was happy for this moment.

I’d thank Kaeun-unnie for accompanying her and I thanked Eunbi-unnie for letting me off…

…because I missed Wonyoung.

+++

Being in very high ranks was very unexpected. I was second in our group’s position evaluations and I got fourth in the second elimination round. It was an overwhelming experience as it was almost a responsibility I withheld for myself but the important to me was I still have someone with me.

At least, Wonyoung was there.

“Congratulations, Wonyoung.”

Kahyeon and I were proud that she was first. She was always strong but behind the camera, she couldn’t hold my tears. We hugged her and reassured her that it was okay and that she deserved it. 

I knew she couldn’t help it and I couldn’t help it either. Kahyeon got eliminated, leaving Wonyoung and I to be burdened to stay in the competition.

“I’ll give you both some time.” I heard Kahyeon speak. 

I nodded and continued to envelop Wonyoung in my embrace. Even if she would to break, I had no decision to do the same. 

“Won…don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? You were born to shine. You were born to be the center.” I spoke. “Whatever happens, I’m right here.”

She nodded and thanked me. I was glad and I continued to comfort her.

It wasn’t just for the competition anymore. I promise to do better so Wonyoung and I can debut together.

+++

I was worried. I was worried to the bone.

The concept evaluation was harsh. We were six in our group and because 1000% only had Miho-neesan left, the remaining members for each remaining team need to give up a member to even out the number of members in each group.

And it was the ultimatum. Four have remained, leaving me and Chaeyeon-unnie to compete for the last spot. I had the feeling that I should leave because during practices, I never stand out.

And then it turned out I got to stay.

Another thing was the center selection. I may have considered Wonyoung as center for Very Very Very before but I didn’t get much chances. It was also the same for Sorry Not Sorry and I Am for I was never selected.

And it turned out that I became center because the mentors and producers thought I was suitable and that Kaeun-unnie gave way for me.

I got it now but the whole mishap was starting to break me. And with that, I took a break and went to find a stall where I could cry my heart out.

And then, I saw her in one stall, crying.

“Won…” I got worried and got inside.

She looked up at me. I was sweating and shared the same distressed look as she did. I got to her side and she instantly wept in my embrace. 

We shared out sentiments. She was sharing about her burden as a center and that she got a lot of backlash – from her sloppy dancing to her falsetto voice that sounded flirtatious. I also shares my burden as a center that I felt down about myself because of factors – like me being invisible in the dance.

We may have shared them together but Wonyoung needs all the comfort right now.

“Hey, hey…just cry. It’s okay.” I spoke as I still hugged her. “We’re still kids and have a long way ahead of us. It’s okay to fall down as long as we rise up again.”

Wonyoung chuckled and I whined because I meant them. Wonyoung and I only have a year gap but to me, she’s the cutest maknae I’ve ever seen. As an unnie, I must always speak wisely and assure her in everything.

I was really thankful to be that pillar for her and I pray that we’ll be together until the end.

+++

Wonyoung and I were working hard as centers of our respective songs in the concept evaluation, and we continue to do so until the debut evaluation. 

There were many ups and downs. My ranks were so low to the point I was out of the Top 12. Wonyoung dropped from first to seventh but I was still grateful that both of us are here with each other. Wonyoung’s mantra of not giving disappointment was still the same and I wanted to follow that too. Thus, I continue to work hard. We even share the same song for the debut evaluation.

And as we got to the announcement of the final members, I grew nervous for the both of us. This time, I cared less about getting in or not getting in. What’s important to me is that one cannot go without the other.

“5th placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Ah Yujin!”

I couldn’t hold my emotions and so did Wonyoung. My knees fell and I couldn’t help but weep. Despite my vision filled with tears, I saw Wonyoung rush to hug and congratulate me before I had to go to the pedestal, say my speech, and go to my seat. I was ecstatic that all my hard work became worth it. I remembered what I told Wonyoung and I was going to cry my heart out of relief and victory.

And now, I hope for Wonyoung to have a slot too. I didn’t want to leave her behind. And boy, did the Almighty hear me as Sakura-neesan and her were called for the center position. 

I didn’t mind about it. I was relieved that I got my chance to be with Wonyoung in this group. Whether first or second, I was already proud of her.

“1st placer…Starship Entertainment trainee Jang Wonyoung!!”

I couldn’t hold my shock. This was almost too much to bear. It was her birthday, she got a spot with me in the group, and now, she was the group’s center.

It was greater than I could imagine. I was very thankful for it until the end.

When the final lineup was complete, we did a group hug. I even got a chance to hug Wonyoung and she whispered. “Happy birthday, Won. We did it.”

She whispered her thanks. We ended up wiping each other’s tears and hugged each other.

We did it. We actually did it.

+++

“Unnies! What the – put me down!”

“Calm down, Yuding. We’re almost there.” I heard Hyewon-unnie.

“Where are we? And do you have to carry me?"

“Just trust us~” I heard Eunbi-unnie speak this time. “We’re here~”

I whined at them to put me down and luckily, Hyewon-unnie didn’t let me fall on my like a sack. The blindfold was still around my vision as I try to remove.

“Not yet.” Hyewon-unnie stopped my hand. “Ready, Yuding?” 

“As I’ll ever be?” I spoke.

I felt my blindfold off and I was greeted by most of the members. Chaewon-unnie held a cake while all of them gathered in front of me and sang the Happy Birthday song.

But someone was missing – 

“Thank you, unnies~” I got up to hug them nonetheless. 

After the whole surprise and a group hug full of happy tears, I had a wonderful time partying with my unnies. Sakura and Hitomi neesans were feeding me with cake despite Hyewon-unnie’s whines. Chaeyeon and Eunbi unnies are doing weird dances with Chaewon and Minju unnies and I couldn’t help but join, with Yena, Hitomi, and Yuri unnies following after.

“Gift giving time~” Hyewon cheered.

The unnies lined up and I was told to sit down. I got each of their gifts and opened them. I couldn’t hold my tears because they’ve given me my favorite stuff.

“Don’t cry yet, our baby puppy~” Eunbi hugged me. “You still have one more gift.”

“What?” I asked while wiping my tears. “Is it Wonyoung?”

“Wonie went home to her family. She did give this card and asked me to give it to you,” said Hyewon-unnie.

I became sad again. I was even confuses because usually, we spend our birthdays together. Nonetheless, I opened the cars and read the content.

Turn around.

I followed the instruction and almost flipped out. Wonyoung was there, holding my favorite cake with a lit candle on the middle. 

“Happy birthday, Yuding~” 

She sang her own rendition of the Happy Birthday song and I couldn’t help but draw closer and blow the candle when she was done. I placed the cake on the table and hugged her closer, crying.

The cake and this surprise was more than enough. What I really wanted was just Wonyoung; that we celebrate our birthdays together. “I thought you won’t celebrate my birthday.”

“I could never not celebrate your birthday.” She spoke while hugging back. “I could never forget everything about the most important person in my life.”

I heard her greet again and thanked her. I didn’t let go immediately and wanted to cherish this moment.

We were two trainees, two sisters who went through a survival show together and debuted together. Our shared birthdays were a sign that whatever happens, we won’t be separable.

We won’t be separable because destiny wanted it to be.