I’m okay.

“Everyone! Behave yourselves now.” I spoke as I called them to gather. “The photoshoot will start soon.”

It was the usual leader duties to eleven dorks. Dorky yet very lovable sisters-slash-children. Today was a photoshoot for 1st Look Magazine and with the little time we have for this before our next schedule, everyone needed to behave and queue themselves to have their pictures taken.

I looked at Wonyoung and Yuri posing for the camera when my vision was suddenly blurry. I didn’t try to shake my head vigorously and just blinked my eyes a couple of times. I was also hearing a faint call but my ears were messing with me. 

“Unnie.” I felt someone rub my shoulders.

Somehow, my hearing and vision were restored. I saw Chaewon and Chaeyeon looking worriedly at me. I even saw the members and the staff looking at me but – 

“I’m sorry. Is it my turn?”

“Yes, Eunbi-ssi. You and Chaewon will use the set here.” One of the cameramen pointed.

I bowed a lot to apologize for the slight delays but then, Chaewon stopped me and held my hand, pulling me towards the set. 

“Unnie, are you sure you’re well today?”

Kim Chaewon – my fellow Woollim member – was always been my right-hand, the one who’s always had my back in taking care of Suhyun and Sohee when we auditioned for PD48, and the one who was always direct with her questions. 

“I am.” was my only answer as we go to our places.

I couldn’t believe Chaewon’s concern. I’m not ill. It was just a little blackout that’s nothing serious. I can carry out my leadership duties and the schedule as I’m expected to do.

I’m okay. I’m totally okay.

+++

You’re not okay.

I heard Eunbi-unnie call and gathered with the rest of the members as instructed. This photoshoot for 1st Look Magazine was going to be a short one since we have another schedule after this. I was very aware of Eunbi-unnie’s way of managing the group and went with it like nothing. I was at my queue and watched Chaeyeon and Minjoo having their photos taken.

But for this one, it wasn’t like nothing. Once they were finished, it was my turn with Eunbi-unnie. I was ready to get to the set but with the repetitive call towards Eunbi-unnie, I went back to check it her. She was blinking her eyes a lot and it was then that my feeling was correct.

She wasn’t okay.

“Unnie.” I rubbed her shoulders. 

Somehow, she was shaken off of that trance. I saw her sunken eyes that turned bright, as if she was using her usual side to hide the tired one. I even saw the members and the staff looking at her but – 

“I’m sorry. Is it my turn?”

“Yes, Eunbi-ssi. You and Chaewon will use the set here.” One of the cameramen pointed.

My conscience was flabbergasted of her answer as she bowed a lot to apologize for the slight delays. She would’ve went ahead but I stopped her and held her hand, pulling her towards the set. 

“Unnie, are you sure you’re well today?”

Kwon Eunbi – my fellow Woollim member – was always been the leader, the one who’s always had our back when we auditioned for PD48, and the one who was always direct with her principles in taking care of is despite realizing that she also needs to take care of herself. 

“I am.” was her only answer as we go to our places.

I couldn’t believe Eunbi’s typical worlds. She’s ill. It was just a major blackout that’s very serious. She might need to carry out her leadership duties and the schedule as she’s expected to do…

…but it’s okay. She’s totally not okay.

+++

I’m not okay.

The trance that I had during the photoshoot was more serious that I expected. As a result, I got a headache and the flu and I was scolded by Manager-unnie for not telling her. As punishment and remedy for my weak state, I had to rest for a week and cancel the schedules.

“Unnie, why didn’t you say anything?” Chaeyeon asked as she was sitting on the end of my bed.

She was adjusting my blanket and grabbed the thermometer off of my mouth, cussing as she read the temperature. “39.1. Jeez, unnie…you should say something next time.”

“How can I when – “

“ – I have a responsibility to keep an eye on all of you. We know, unnie.” Chaewon interrupted as she went inside.

Chaewon was by the door and leaned by it while Chaeyeon still sat on the bed. 

“I heard from Manager-unnie that you’ve had headaches since last week.” Chaewon started. “You should’ve rested earlier, unnie.”

“You know I – “ I sneezed. “ – can’t. I had to pick Wonyoung up from her prep school, help Yuri and Yena with their scripts for Happy Together, and help the Japanese line with their Korean.”

“Is that all, unnie?” Chaeyeon asked this time.

“There’s Hyewon’s selcas and Minjoo’s egg tarts to which I had to run and get from the store.”

“Unnie, I could’ve done that for you – “

“You were bonding with Chaeryeong. How could I wreck a family bond?”

I continued to cough and feel hotter that Chaeyeon and Chaewon had to shut me up. For once, I obeyed to their wish of a recovery and laid down again. 

“I shall stay with you.” Chaeyeon spoke.

“I’ll stay.” Chaewon also spoke. “You can lead the members while Eunbi-unnie rests.”

I rose up again and shut them up. I laid back down again and decided to have a say for this day. “Chaeyeon. Chaewon.”

The two 2000 liners paid attention. As much as I was the sickly old lady that needs to be taken care of, it is my duty as leader to settle these matters. 

“None of you will stay. You need to practice for our comeback and prepare for the next fansign.” I added as I wrapped myself around my blanket. “I’ll sleep this all off until you return.”

Just then, Chaeyeon got a call and went out to answer it, leaving Chaewon to stay by my side. Chaewon sat by the bed and adjusted my hot compress. 

“Chaewon-ah~”

“Aish, enough with the cuteness, unnie. You need to sleep.” She spoke and turned away.

Chaeyeon returned from her call and spoke. “That was Manager-unnie. She said that one of us has to stay and take care of you.”

“I’ll do it –“

“I already told Manager-unnie that I’ll watch Eunbi-unnie…” Chaeyeon spoke and did a peace sign. “…so you’ll be on leader duty, Chaewonnie.”

“What?!” 

+++

This is not okay.

I felt deaf as Chaeyeon said those words. Out of all the members – out of the unnie line – I was assigned. The youngest member of the unnie line is assigned to lead the members. 

“Wait-wait! Let Sakura-unnie take charge –“

“Remember the VLIVE when Eunbi-unnie wasn’t around? We were so chaotic.”

“You joined the chaotic mess too, Chaeyeon.”

“Guys!” I stopped as Eunbi-unnie reprimanded us. “Give me a break…jeez…”

“But unnie~”

“Take the responsibility, Chaewon-ah. That’s an order from me.” 

I was totally speechless of what Eunbi-unnie said and was almost pissed since Chaeyeon stuck her tongue. I sighed and obeyed…

…just in time for Manager-unnie to arrive.

“Time to go~” Chaeyeon pushed me out of the room.

“Hey! Let me bid my farewell to Eunbi-unnie!” I spat.

“Me too!”

“Us eight!”

The rest of the members stopped by Eunbi-unnie’s room to check on her. And judging from her look, it was gonna be a flood of joy. Even if we’re dorks, we really mean each other well. We always look out for each other.

I sighed. If only we were aware of how Eunbi-unnie had been leading us that it cost her health.

“Unnie, you have to be okay ASAP,” said Yena-unnie.

“Don’t forget to feed her and let her drink a gallon of water.” Hyewon-unnie said to Chaeyeon.

“And don’t…” Eunbi-unnie joined in as she tries to get up. “…cause trouble during your schedules tonight.”

All of us agreed. The honk of the van became our signal to go and we spare our farewells to Eunbi-unnie and Chaeyeon. I was the last to go and Eunbi-unnie spared a word to which I’ll never forget.

“You can do it, Chaewon-ah. You’ll be okay.”

Hopefully, I will.

+++

We’ll be okay.

The schedule may have ended well but not for Chaewon. As soon as the van was parked by their apartment, Chaewon rushed inside. She met Chaeyeon already sleeping on the couch, probably waiting for them while taking care of Eunbi the whole night. The door of the sick’s room was open as fingers shivered onto the sheets.

Ch-Chaewonnie…

It was that call that Chaewon heard over the phone call with Chaeyeon. Her fellow liner was already sleepy but the sick leader was calling her in a faint voice. What made it worse was that the call happened during the preparations for the fansign. That call made Chaewon serious to lead the members and finish the schedule earlier than expected. That call made Chaewon rush inside the van once it was done and that call made her rush out of it and inside the dorm to check on the leader.

Chaewon got inside and Eunbi was shivering. She checked her compress and her fever and did procedures with the help of Yena and Yuri. Chaewon took over Chaeyeon’s post and took care of Eunbi to whatever she needs. 

Eunbi’s shivers stopped and she was sleeping peacefully. Chaewon remained by Eunbi’s side as Yena, Yujin, Hyewon, and Minjoo were already asleep on their own beds. The Japanese line, together with Wonyoung and Yuri, helped Chaeyeon on the van as they went home to the other dorm. 

Chaewon sat on a chair and rested on it, eyes battling sleep and waking up to watch over the leader.

“Chaewonnie?”

Chaewon jolted up and Eunbi was awake. They had to keep it down since most of the members were asleep. Chaewon inched closer and whispered. “Hey, unnie. How do you feel?”

“I’m relieved now that all of you are here…” Eunbi added. “...now that you’re here.”

Chaewon nodded and spared the details about their schedule. Despite being sickly, Eunbk listened to all of it. She was happy that it was a success and was proud that Chaewon did her responsibility well.

“You should sleep now.” Eunbi said.

Chaewon nodded and rested on the chair, making Eunbi laugh lightly. “Rest in your bed, silly.”

“Nah. I’m staying here and watch over you.” Chaewon spoke as she closes her eyes. “Sleep now, unnie.”

Eunbi sighed and rolled to the side to look at Chaewon already sleeping. She was grateful that even if she was a sick leader, she always has her sisters to back her up.

She had Chaewon to back her up. And it was okay.