Hyewon was never questioned for her silent persona. She was a mystery; usually composed and quiet, sparing most of her time to be part of the sidelines and just observe. In this case, she stopped her usual gaming time in her Switch and eyes a certain person.

That person was laughing her heart out while talking to another member.

Hyewon would never admit it but Minju is her favorite person. She has a special place in her heart; not even Yujin and Yuri, her puppies can beat the frog-like vixen inside it. She loved them, of course – they always tug the heartstrings of Hyewon simply by pouting at her to share her favorite food – but it was not the same love she has for Minju. Looking at her was like feeling the sweetness of life back in the days of pure innocence; full of happiness and full of colors.

That will never happen in her real situation, though. Not even an again…

She knew she had no chance. The said another person, Chaewon, had Minju’s attention the most. Minju looked at Chaewon like she was her world; the same look that she would give to Minju. She just sighed and resumed her gaming time.

She's deeply in love with the girl but scared to make a move because she knows Minju doesn't love her the same way she did.

+++

“Are you really not telling her, Kwangbae?”

Hyewon stopped to look at Yena. She wouldn’t be the member to dig her bill into these things but as a fellow ’99 liner, she had her concerns and reasons.

“What are you talking about?” Hyewon turned back to fix her drawer.

“You at lying.” Yena chuckled as she drew closer. “Come on. You have feelings for Minju.”

She almost dropped a sock but her hands were agile. She returned the article back before facing her. “Was I obvious?”

“Totally. I saw you watching over the frog like an angel, although she’s the angel herself.” Yena added. “Yul spared the details too. You even share your food with her and checked if she okay every day.”

Hyewon couldn’t believe it yet she remained calm, saying. “Save it, Yen. You know that I don't stand a chance. You always saw how Minju look at Chaewon like she is her world.”

“Are you even sure about that?” Yena asked. “For instance, you confessed. What if Min accepted it?”

“You can’t tell the future.” Hyewon raised.

“And so, can’t you.” Yena raised back. “I want to give you the benefit of your own doubts. It won’t matter how long or how short you give yourself to muster courage. What matters is that you let your time flow on its own to confess to her. And once you do…” She patted her back. “…let yourself feel it until the end.”

“For someone stupid, this the first time you said something that makes sense.”

Yena lightly punched Hyewon’s shoulder but she was proud of herself since Hyewon smiled through it. She thanked Yena for cheering her up and Yena replied through a big hug. “So…can I have your snacks?”

“No.” Hyewon spoke.

“Unnie~ please~” Yuri pouted from the door.

Yena went to hug her girlfriend and joined her in pleading. Hyewon thought Yena was a smartass plus she could never say no to Yuri.

“Fine.” She spoke as she got out, with the couple following her.

+++

There are so many things not needed and one of them was for Hyewon to confess her feelings for Minju. She was a strong woman. She had a nick for hiding her feelings without being affected. But somehow, Yena and Yuri’s words of advice are eating her conscience to actually put them into action. If only time and fate allowed her, she’ll remain in her own box.

But then, she mustered her courage and decided to grab the chance now. How could she even know if she didn’t try? That’s why after their schedule in MCountdown, Hyewon did her usual routines and decided to talk to Minju.

“Yes, unnie?” Minju asked with the radiant smile Hyewon liked.

Hyewon didn’t say a word and pulled Minju towards a room. She closed the door behind her and spoke. “I have something to tell you. I hope you don’t react right away.”

“Sure, unnie.” Minju spoke. “What it is?”

Hyewon was cool. She was a mysterious member yet she was always calm and composed. Surely, she can say those words with no ease.

Yet, she can’t. And what’s shocking was that Chaewon called for Minju. Hyewon moved away so Chaewon can open the door.

“There you are. I have something to tell you, Min.” Chaewon spoke.

“Hold on. Hyewon-unnie has something – “

“Nevermind, Min.” Hyewon interjected. “I’ll tell you some other time.”

As innocent as Minju was, she nodded. Hyewon excused herself to leave them to talk. But as she got out to go to the corridor, she heard Chaewon speak.

“I like you, Min. Will you be my girlfriend?”

Hyewon froze by the pathway, just close to the door. She had no right to meddle nor listen to this conversation but her feet froze her to the spot.

And with Minju saying yes, Hyewon chuckled and shook her head. But amid her calm and composed persona, she was still a human that had emotions. She had a right to feel, happiness and contentment…

…even sadness and pain.

Minju’s answer to Chaewon hit her heart towards pain. Hyewon sighed and walked away.

She was sorry for her heart again and again. Because even she got the most painful reject for herself and even it’ll hurt her heart again and again, she can’t stop her feelings.

She’ll hold onto it but she’ll never say it. Never again.

+++

The end of the IZ*ONE’s promotions as a group happened in a touch of a moment. They couldn’t hide their voices of future longing, future separations…

…and future break-ups.

Hyewon was calm with her tears. She hugged her members one by one – even their sobbing leader. It was then she got out and had to combust her emotions by herself. But then, she stopped as she witnessed Chaewon and Minju talking.

“We’re breaking up.” Chaewon spoke.

Hyewon hid and she became a witness to another 2Kim talk. She could hear Minju taking it lightly; as if she felt the same. They shared their cries and last hugs and separated. Chaewon passed by a chilling Hyewon yet the younger went to hug her. Hyewon pretended not to hear anything and just hugged back.

“Go and comfort our leader.” Hyewon spoke.

Chaewon nodded and went. Hyewon then got to Minju’s direction, watching the frog crying her heart out. The latter saw Hyewon and she was silent, tears dropping.

“It’s okay. Cry. Cry your heart out.” Hyewon spoke.

Minju just did and went to hug her unnie. Hyewon felt her hidden emotions as she hugged Minju tighter, a sign that she going to join her in her sadness and just be there for her.

The time passed by already. It was now in the hidden cove of the past. Then again, Hyewon was sorry for herself that she wasn’t able to say her feelings; that she didn’t try hard enough to convey what her heart really wants.

Hyewon lets go and excused herself. Minju wondered where she was going.

“I need some air.”

“Unnie?” Minju asked again and Hyewon stopped. “What was it that you wanted to say before?”

Hyewon looked back. She never thought that she would remember that moment.

“I wanted to say…” Hyewon began to speak. “…thank you. Until next time.”

Minju didn’t understand yet Hyewon went ahead to her own personal endeavor. She was confused herself but maybe, it really had a deep meaning to it.

“Thank you, Kim Minju…” She mumbled to herself. “Until next time.”

+++

A year has passed since their promotions. The twelve members were back at their companies, doing preparations for their own debuts. In the case of Hyewon, she decided to take a break and maybe settle for her own debut when the right time comes. For now, she was in a café eating her favorite bread.

“Is this seat taken?”

Hyewon looked up and almost spits her food. The person had a calm smile as she sat. For Hyewon, she never thought she’d see her again and that she had gone more beautiful.

“It’s been a while, unnie.”

“It has, Min.” Hyewon nodded.

The once delicate and innocent Minju was now very expressive in talking to her. Hyewon decided to go through it, talking about their current lives and their future plans. Even if time went for her, the feelings were kept yet they were blossoming again.

And when they had to go and exchanged numbers, Hyewon thought this was another chance; that this was the meaning of what she spoke to the latter.

The next time was now and Hyewon was going to slowly succumb to it and maybe, Minju will give her that chance.

+++

Hyewon couldn’t count the time. Ever since she and Minju met at the café, they hung out whenever they had vacant schedules. They would eat out, stay in each other’s apartments, and caught up with meeting the rest of the members. Mostly, it was just the two of them.

Today, Hyewon was finished with her meeting with the CEO about her debut when a call came up. Seeing that it was from Minju, she answered immediately. “Min.”

Kwangbae…can you come here, please?

She heard the woman throw up. Hyewon grew worried yet she calmed. “I’ll get there.”

Like in ISAC, Hyewon used her speed to run to Minju’s apartment. Her worry and adrenaline boosted her to get there faster. Once she did, she managed to get inside Minju’s apartment. She looked around for the girl, only to find her vomiting in the toilet. Hyewon rushed to bring her hair into a ponytail so she can vomit properly.

Minju spits and Hyewon wipes with a tissue. Minju looked up with a sick smile. “Kwangbae…”

Hyewon shushes her and carried her to her bed. She felt the girl heat up and quickly tucked her to bed. She dialed for a doctor when Minju held her hand. Hyewon held back as she continued the call. Once she finished, she returned to her attention.

“I’m sorry for calling. I must’ve bothered you.” Minju spoke, her hold still intact. “I just feel so unwell that…”

“Don’t say another word. You need to rest.” Hyewon spoke. “The doctor will be here soon.”

As soon as Hyewon said it, the doctor came and checked on Minju immediately. Hyewon listened to the doctor’s words as Minju was interviewed. Minju was holding onto her hand tight and Hyewon held back passionately.

“Miss Kang, Miss Kim is having a migraine and her fever is a secondary manifestation of her stress. It would be advisable to let her rest until it subsides.” She handed Hyewon a brochure. “You can follow these guidelines for faster healing.”

Hyewon nodded and thanked her. The doctor gave her last advice to Minju before leaving. Hyewon read the brochure and got up.

“Kwangbae?” Minju held her hand again.

“I’ll just be in the kitchen to cook you something. I’ll also have to check your first-aid drawer for the medicine.” Hyewon spoke. “Try to get some rest.”

Minju couldn’t bat, especially when Hyewon was always there for her. She watched as Hyewon did the errands like the doctor instructed and felt her heart beat quickly.

They may share the luck of being stunning visuals but they were always awkward with each other. Being with Chaewon was a wonderful experience but it wasn’t meant to be, maybe because she was off to someone that would take care of her better.

Maybe that someone was Hyewon…

Not long after, Minju was fed, was drinking her medicine, and was tucked to bed again. Hyewon got a chair and sat beside the bed, just in case anything happens.

“Kwangbae…” Minju patted a space on her bed. “You can sleep next to me…”

“You need the whole bed to sleep, Min.” Hyewon said and leaned on the chair. “Don’t worry. I’ll be okay.”

Minju called her again and Hyewon got to her attention again. She knew Hyewon would scold her to go to bed but she wanted to talk to her about something in the past.

“When you said ‘Thank you. Until next time.’, what did you mean by that?”

Hyewon couldn’t believe Minju remembered. But if it gets her the reward of Minju resting, she spoke. “It was a back-up sentence towards the true words that I wanted to say to you.”

“And what were those words, Kwangbae?”

Next time was now. Hyewon made sure not to lose the chance again. “I love you, Min.”

Hyewon looked away, face already flushed. Minju was shocked yet she wanted to hear more; like she was expecting for Hyewon to say those words since then.

“I don’t admit my feelings but you’re my favorite person, Min. You’ve had a special place in my heart for a long time – not even Yujin and Yuri can beat you off of that spot. I was deeply in love you yet I didn’t make a move because you had Chaewon. You saw her the way I see you. I didn’t stand a chance yet I never threw these feeling off – even when Chaewon asked you to be your girlfriend and you said yes.”

“Y-You heard…that?” Minju asked.

“I did. I’m sorry if I ever became a meddler.” Hyewon continued. “I kept these feelings because I hoped that someday, you could see me that way I see you. I thanked you until next time because I believed it’ll come someday. And even if it won’t…” She gulped. “…I’ll hold it because it makes me feel, because it makes me the way I am…and because I love you.”

Hyewon felt relieved. If Yena was here, she would celebrate for her courage. Nonetheless, she told Minju to rest and excused herself to get some tea…

…when Minju used bits of her strength to pull Hyewon down the bed.

Hyewon landed on the space with a thud, relieved that Minju wasn’t hit or anything. She coughed her whipped feeling out but MInju whispered to her. “Please look at me…”

Hyewon did as she rolled over slowly. Once she had Minju’s face on her peripherals, she froze as Minju reached for her face, cupping it like a precious gem. It was then that Minju’s tears dropped and Hyewon was quick to wipe them. Minju held that hand close to her face, letting it cup her own.

Hyewon couldn’t believe she wasn’t going to eat her words this time. It was very true that the next time was now.

“I love you too, Kwangbae…”

Hyewon was shocked yet it was the thing she wished for so long. She wanted to smile but Minju got unconscious on her hold. Hyewon held her head and laid in gently again, only to be shocked again when Minju scooted closer to her embrace. Hyewon felt Minju’s head by her chest and she slept peacefully again. Hyewon smiled and hugged back, patting her back as she got to dreamland herself.

Even if she thought that it will never happen again, she was still thankful that fate turned its tables. And with that, she will continue to embrace the feeling until next time.