You are Wi Jeuwon; an embodiment of idolizing one of the top girl groups in the KPOP industry. You are not famous nor successful. You are in university twice; flunking three years in information technology and starting anew with entertainment and multimedia computing in your second year. Despite that failure in life, it taught you to become stronger – with your emotions and your principles.

For now, you were in a fan meeting. You haven’t been in one for the past ten years of being a KPOP fan but God was very good to you to be given this opportunity. You were given the chance to be the chosen one; the victor in an endeavor other fans wanted to grasp. You could not figure out what to do but as you were directed to a room with some tea on the table, you sat and took a sip. 

The door closed before you and you were trapped in the enclosure. The small gap was the one thing that gave you awareness to the other side; a similar enclosure with a woman inside.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I am not confident enough to be called the leader of a group that I cannot be with forever. There were ups and downs of watching over eleven sisters – almost like my children. I feel that two and a half years are not enough.”

It was Eunbi. It was then that you realized the ambiance. This was like the time Bora guessed as the mentor. You also remembered that it was like the ambiance of a church’s confession room.

“You are the best leader ever, Eunbi-unnie. Time may never be in our hands but to the least, you have always been there for the girls and for us. I want you to know that you have led them towards success and for that, I am very proud of you.”

You heard her cry and say thanks. You were flattered and felt her leave the place. But then, another took her place.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I do not usually get affected by this day. I always remind you despite crying after the three-month hiatus. There were ups and downs for being next to the center or being the center, especially during Japanese promotions. I accept it at first but as it starts to come, I feel uncertain of what is to come. I may be good with words but not today…and maybe not ever.”

You heard her sniffle. You smiled as you always expected Sakura to be very strong. But sometimes, even the strongest become weak. And that was the one thing you always understand.

“Human as we are, we have the capability to be affected. Those reminders are the switches for us to accept the reality despite its sadness. I  want you to know that you have always done well, Kkura-chan. You are an excellent idol and seeing you grow to become better brings a smile to our faces. Great power comes great responsibility and I know that you will embrace that with a wonderful heart.”

She was laughing but knowing the life before becoming part of the group, you knew her fair share of being a crybaby. Nonetheless, she thanked you and adored your birth year. She even asked to hang out sometime before leaving and before another girl took over.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I may look like the happy virus but human as I am, I am susceptible to hurt. I had enough to be called as a variety queen when I am the ace. There were ups and downs of staying happy for everyone despite wanting to break down and cry – almost wanting to just give up. I feel that two and a half years aren’t enough and if time can be in my hands, I will always reverse it so that I can be with the girls and with you all forever.”

The pouty lips had tears by the side. It was never common to see Yena teary. She looked cute but sadness should never be romanticized.

“You are right, Yena-ya. Humans are susceptible to hurt. Do not let other words affect you because in the eyes of those who truly love you, you are more than that. It is okay not to be okay. Hurt will never fade away but to the least, we build faith and strength to overcome it. I am always proud of you for what you have achieved and I would want to have the power of life to be reincarnated as your fan over and over again.”

Her pout became a smile as she wowed of your choice of words. You felt her leave and another took over. You chuckled as she was sipping a drink.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I may have been selected as part of the group but I am not confident enough to be part of a group that I cannot be with forever. There were ups and downs of trying to come out of the shell and just be confident but they are portrayed as something that did not exceed the public’s expectations – almost like being a burp in a symphony. I feel that two and a half years are not enough and are not worthy to just go away.”

You heard the sniffles. Even the most mysterious people were humans all the same.

“Confidence takes courage, Kwangbae. That courage can not be grabbed right away for it takes time for the small dough to rise into a beautiful loaf of bread. Seeing you since the beginning, you always try your best to work hard and shine. That act alone made me happy and proud and since you were chosen, there are true fans who love you more and new fans who learned to love you. I hope that you do not worry about the slow progress because you have done it surely. That is one thing that matters the most.”

She smiled and ate her chips again. She got up and another member got inside.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. Being part of the lineup was something I never expected since I had little to no exposure. I became part of a group yet knowing that it will not last. There were ups and downs of watching over trainees come and go – almost like facing a harsh battle with the enemies; ourselves. I feel that even if I am blessed to be talented, I feel that it is not enough. I believe that two and a half years aren’t enough to prove that.”

Hearing her cry really hurt you. Her angelic voice towards sadness was never good, clenching your heart to the brim.

“Exposure is not determined by the many cameras pointed at you. It is truly weighed by how your true fans see you throughout the evil editing and manipulations. It has been a world of survival out there and being part of those survivors has its purpose. You have raw talent, Chaewon-ah; a voice and charm that we grew to love and will still continue to love. You have proven it through the years and you will continue to be proven as we will be there to watch you.”

Her cute cries were replaced by cute laughs, tugging your heartstrings. You see her go and another member got in. Judging from the sniffles, she was crying before she got inside. Nonetheless, you close your eyes as you listen.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. Exposure had been part of my routine yet I am not confident enough to be in the limelight, especially in being part of the group that I cannot be with forever. There were ups and downs of being part of competitions and having less chances to debut – almost like twice-cooked pork in the context of the Chinese. I feel that two and a half years aren’t enough and I am scared of the future when all of this will be over.”

She was sobbing. You always knew her for being the mature yet soft-hearted member. She was your most favorite member and you never ever want her to feel bad about herself.

“Chaeyeon-ah, I hope you never be too hard on yourself. Confidence is never perfect and it is very okay to fail because even if you need to meet the idol standard, you are human in the end. We live differently but all the same, we die. And if you ever think being tried to strengthen your faith to debut is cumbersome, it should never be. You can always stop to rest and get back up again. Always remember that whatever you face, we will always be here to support you because you are worthy for that. You always are.”

She cried her gratitude and you spared to comfort her as she got outside. You saw the door open, seeing the PD.

“Jeuwon-ssi, we’ll be having a break first. The second part will be for later.”

“Join us for lunch, Jeuwon-ssi,” said Eunbi.

“Is this part of the – “

“Yes.” The PD patted your back. 

You gulped yet you decided to grab the opportunity and embrace the little happiness left with the group.