Having lunch with your favorite group was overwhelming. You were happy, nervous, and everything in between. Although it was just the unnie line, those feelings were intense. Despite that, you were getting along with them very well. After all, you were in the same age group as them. The dongsaeng line joined later, oblivious to what they will be doing.

You understood what you did a while ago. You were like a priest atoning for their sins but no, it was never like that. You were having a heart-to-heart talk with them; a state of healing between idols and their fans. Even if you were the lucky one, you spoke your words for every fan out there; that you want to say how every fan felt for the girls.

You were doing it for the girls and for your fellow fans.

It was the end of the break. You were told to return to the enclosure, sipping on the tea that was already bland. You did not know what was happening outside but you just went with the flow. Just then, a familiar person got inside. She was just like Chaeyeon; crying before she got inside. You give her the time to cry and waited for her to say what’s in her heart.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I also had my fair share of not deserving to be in the group. It was a side effect of my routine; that am not confident enough to be in the limelight, especially in being part with the members that I cannot be with forever. There were ups and downs of being part of promotions, acting gigs, pre-debuts, and having less chances to truly debut. I feel that two and a half years are not enough to prove myself and I am scared that I have not proven myself enough when all of this will be over.”

She was sobbing, worse than the last. You always knew her for being the most precious soft-hearted member. She was one of your favorite members. Despite not liking her in the beginning, you grew out of it and you never ever want her to feel bad about herself. Not again.

“Minju-ya, there are things beyond our control, and one of them is to make every person happy. Maybe there is a purpose to why you had those struggles. You may not see it but to your sisters, your other loved ones, and to us, we have seen it since the beginning. Always remember that whatever you face, you are doing your best and that is more than enough.”

I wanted to have a look but I cannot reveal myself until the end of this talk. Nonetheless, she thanked me, got out, and a smaller member took her place.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. I was never famous in the beginning. I may have been promoted early but I never stood out. People never supported me and as time went by, I get the hate. I was bashed for my tiny voice and got ridiculed sometimes to the point I thought that maybe I wasn’t worthy to be in the group.”

She was sniffling. You always knew her for being the small yet savage member. Then again, you knew she was mighty.

“I saw that interview when you were with HKT, Nako-ya. I cried like Sasshi did. I know it sounds redundant but you had all the right to feel weak, to cry, and to feel guilty. It can never force people that were not pushed at the top to feel and understand by those at the top. I hope this does not hinder you; that you always remain strong for those people who truly love you and support you. I want you to know that we always support you.”

Her cute laugh became evident and it made you smile with her. She left the enclosure and strands of red were the things you noticed first. You felt happy because you made the members happy with your words that represented the fandom, and sad because this was going to end soon.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. To perform was always a dream of mine. I would never let our financial state nor my place of origin measure that. I wanted to sing so much that I ended up in two survival shows. Although the chance was lovely, I gained hate by different fandoms. When I got to the lineup, the hate grew worse. I wanted to be in but I was never selfish to forcefully grab it for it to be mine. I proved it with the unnies and our maknaes but issues come in and more hate showered upon us. Our years together might never be enough to cleanse it all away and I…”

She was sobbing. You knew she said those words for the group but you also know that she was the most affected. You cannot help but relate yourself.

“I am proud of you for standing up to your dreams, Yuri-ya. I hope you do not take your challenges as something to hate about. I want you to know that you were meant to shine in the limelight with the girls. All of you deserve it. You deserve it. We would never care about those issues nor the hate. What we care about is that you are affected and that we will do anything in our power to protect you. We are you fans. We will protect you no matter what.”

She cried, wanting to hug me as a sign of gratitude. I was flattered but it was not done yet. She thanked me before leaving and I could see another figure. This was going towards the sad part.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you’ll be experiencing. I am known to be soft yet savage but I am also a human that gets hurt too. I could recall those times people bashed me for being ugly and for having chubby cheeks and here I am, working out not for them but for myself. Then, when I was living healthily here in Korea, people pinpoint that I looked too thin. I know this is out of context but I cannot help but express this. It is just frustrating. It makes me feel small.”

You had a thought that she would break down but not to the point of sobbing. And she did.

“Hiichan, I am sorry if you have ever felt that way. Let me say that even if you are an idol, it does not mean that you need to push to make every person happy. I want you to focus on the people that truly care about you. They are the ones that truly deserve your efforts, your changes, and your care for them. And one more thing, you may think you are small but you are big in the eyes of those that truly love you.”

You heard her sniffle. You also heard her say thanks beneath her tears. She got out slowly and a taller figure got inside. You were teary yourself because you knew that it was almost the end.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you’ll be experiencing. I have had my share of being exposed to the public. It makes me happy and it makes prove to my parents that I have the ability to shine. Even if I know that there are people out there that support me – that you support me – I cannot help but worry. I worry that when the time comes, what if I will not be special to them anymore – to you anymore? I had my share of being bashed so these are formulating me out of worry.”

She did not cry. You always knew her for being young yet strong. It was like the tables have turned because you were the teary one. Nonetheless, you calmed yourself down and spoke.

“Yujin-ah, I think that your worry manifests to the majority of the people – fans or not. But then, it is understandable to worry about that; that the people you love dearly lose that same feeling for you when the time comes. I want you to not worry about that. You are young and you have more years ahead of you. I want you to know that even the time comes that we will cross the rainbow, we will always there to support you. You are always special and you will always be in our hearts.”

It was then she broke down. Her thanks was stuttered. She even thought of not wanting to end this but you only had to say stuff once then it was the end. You heard her leave and a similar tall girl got inside. 

You cannot help but cry. This was the end of the road.

“Jeuwon-ssi, forgive me for this is the last fan meeting you will be experiencing. Being exposed at a very young, I had lost some of my childhood to chase my dreams. I never thought that getting out of the world too early became too impactful, especially I had to bear the responsibility of being our group for being the center. I felt burdensome at times but I always put to mind in heart that I have my unnies…that I have you. But…what if the day comes and I wake up not seeing them by my side anymore?”

She was sobbing. It was normal for you. It was always normal for kids to cry, especially when they had to carry their baby steps out of the world. You took your time to speak because this was the last one.

“Wonyoung-ah, it is okay. You are still a little girl and you have a bigger life ahead of you. Please do not bear the responsibility too much because you are still in the phase of self-discovery. And if you ever think that it is too much, rest, lean on your unnies and on us. Always remember that you have been the best center we have and whatever you face, we will always be here to support you because we love you. Your unnies love you, your family loves you, your fans love you, and I love you.”

You cried silently as you heard her sniffle. It was then that the time of healing was up. You got out of the enclosure and faced the twelve girls. You bowed at each other and said your own thanks; even the three maknaes got the chance to hug you because of your words, resulting in all of the members hugging you.

“Before we end this, I have gifts for all of you.” You spoke as you give them a small box each.

The girls wowed as the box had their names and official colors. They slowly opened the boxes and had stacked cards.

Those were not just cards. They were filled with comments from every fan they had.

They were in their waterworks again. What added was that you joined them in silence, your tears dropping on the side of your face. You got the chance to hug them again, leaving the staff in tears because of the scene. 

“Time is up.” You heard the PD say.

The separation was slow. You looked at them for a long time – as for each member and as for the group. You groveled down, thanking them for being a part of your life. You thanked the staff for the opportunity and you slowly made your way out of the venue.

You looked back and saw their smiles beneath their tears. You waved a little and they waved a lot. You got out and as you step into the light, your tears became inaudible; incoherent even.

You had your time to cry and you had your time to stop. You look up the sky and wrote something before striving forward with a heart of cherishing the wonderful moments with…

…them.