The journey towards stardom was no joke despite my happy nature. My parents didn’t approve because of our status, the opportunity was far from where I from, and the future of reaching that dream was inevitable. Nonetheless, I strived for many reasons. I couldn’t waste my gift of being talented, I couldn’t waste the clothes I would sell just to pay for lessons, and I wouldn’t want to disappoint my family after giving their trust to me in hopes I could have a great future for them and for myself.

Idol School gave me the first chance. I had no company, no professional background, and no connections. I was a normal girl with an ounce of talent, hoping for it to grow into something worth seeing by many people who would appreciate it. Yet, the odds of debuting were not in my favor because out of nine, I was six ranks below. And yet, another opportunity ceased its way through Produce 48. This was better compared to last time because I had a company, I had fellow trainees with me, and I had gained more experience in training.

The atmosphere was nerve-wrecking. There were trainees from out country and already debuted stars from Japan. The competition would be tough and the culture barriers were on the brink of collapse or retaliation. For whatever it’s worth, I had to make many steps forward and do my best.

“Jo Yuri…A.”

I gleamed of the result that I got. I couldn’t help my smiles, my bows, and my gratitude for a nice start on the competition.

I was ecstatic. All my efforts were worth it.

+++

I spoke too soon. Very soon.

Everything that happened came down to me like a ton of bricks. I was confident with my singing but not my dancing. It turned out that when we practiced for Nekkoya, I was falling behind. Me falling behind became a silent killer of my standing.

From being an A trainee at the top of the pedestal, I plummeted down to being an F trainee.

I couldn’t face anyone. I lowered my head in shame and cried, tears dropping on my glasses. It felt like wearing the pink uniform wasn’t worth it.

It was more like my effort wasn’t worth it.

+++

There were times of despair but there must be times of desperation. That desperation became a boost to stand up and try again after crying like a whiny baby. For now, I was with my group for the group evaluation and we would be singing AOA-sunbaenim’s Short Hair. What made it peachy was that I get to compete with Sian’s group.

“I think our center should be Juri or Yuri.”

Sihyun-unnie spoke that. It was a rhyme filled with an ounce of rivalry, a representation of opposing countries in East Asia, and a compelling desire to be the attention of the audience, thus giving a better chance of lasting throughout the competition.

I didn’t get the shot despite by voice. Then again, I used that voice to deliver the performance well for our group. I couldn’t believe that same voice gave me a higher score than my rival…

…than Sian.

I received a lot more votes than I had expected. Sian would be a better winner as well so I was very surprised. But how could I not be proud and happy of it? It was the fruit of my labor. And to add the celebration, our team won.

There may be a proud moment for ourselves but all in all, we did a good job.

+++

“For 19^th place...Jo Yuri from Stone Music.”

I was shocked. I even felt Gyuri-unnie hug me for a job well done. I approached the stage, gave a message, and hugged members along the way with a steady smile. But amid that steady smile was a rapid heartbeat filled with nervousness and relief.

I was still in the competition and hopefully, I will still be in it until the end.

+++

It was the position evaluation and it was luck that Sihyun-unnie and I were teammates again. Our song was Wanna One-sunbaenim’s Energetic and in this evaluation, I was eager to become the center after losing last time.

I was singing the chorus and in glimpses, I saw everyone wow. And once I was done, they applauded.

“She’s good,” said Goeun-unnie.

Noe and Nanami raised their hands to choose me. Goeun-unnie may have tried but she also raised a hand.

“Yuri-ya…” Sihyun-unnie placed the center sticker on my chest. “You’ll be our center.”

I couldn’t contain my excitement. I even ran around like a champion on a marathon before returning to practice. This is my first time performing as the center and I was making sure to pull it well…

…but then, the practices came.

“Isn’t it too low for you?” Teacher Hongki asked.

Despite being a trainee for 9 months, I understood what he meant. My voice had a high register and it was really dynamic. The note was too low for my register and we had decent singers in our lineup so he and Teacher Soyu suggested raising a key higher. But as it did, I almost choked at the last note.

“Ah…it’s too high.” Teacher Soyu spoke as Teacher Hongki sighed.

“I’m sorry about this but…” He spoke again. “…can Goeun sing the ad-lib part?”

She sang and Teacher Soyu thought it was better. I was a little appalled because I was afraid that I could be replaced. It wasn’t a thought of rivalry but this could by the last chance that I’ll get as a center. With that, I continued to practice. We even did another voting and it was still in my favor.

“You were down with one vote.” Sihyun-unnie said to Goeun-unnie.

“It’s okay.” She added while hugging Sihyun-unnie back.

I felt bad. I could see Goeun-unnie’s determination of wanting to be the center. We would be depicted as rivals of being good vocals from here on out but with the responsibility I have, I needed to perform my best for our group.

It became worth it. I ranked 1^st in our group.

I couldn’t hold my happiness and some tears. This was another stepping stone and I hope it’ll continue to become many steps towards the end.

+++

The second elimination became a huge wave of feelings that swept me. Ranking within the specific range was enough, even if I was going to be in last place. But being in the Top 12 was a huge benefit. I couldn’t hold a smile but I sobbed like a little baby. Unlike the previous elimination round, this was something I’ll never forget.

“I never expected that I’d be in the Top 12. I want to thank the National Producers for their undying support.” I spoke as I bowed. “I’ll become someone who does her best at everything or dies trying. Thank you.”

Dies trying…what a great way to sum it up. Although it sounded desperate, I meant every word I said and I’ll use it as a reminder to help myself become better.

+++

The concept evaluation was harsh. There were two temporary groups, the remainders would have to be moved to another, and the competition for positions became harsher. For me, the main vocalist was my target this time as I plan to showcase my singing. The case competing with Goeun-unnie returned and it became intense, especially during recording.

“But Yuri’s singing is a bit more stable than yours…” One of the producers spoke. “Also, her singing voice is more powerful and louder than yours. That’s why I think her voice is better for this part. You should let her sing the part for the overall performance.”

I saw Goeun-unnie nod as her chances to sing the ad-lib were slim. I don’t call it a sense of victory. After all, Goeun-unnie was also a good singer. Even if I was grateful that she lets me sing the part, I had a proposition with her that we split the ad-lib so both of us can showcase our singing.

The plan worked well. We even got second place as a group and got decent rankings individually. And in the third elimination, my prayers were answered again as I got a spot in the Top 20.

With that, I’ll continue to do my best until the end of the final round.

+++

100 days have passed now and it was almost the end. The debut evaluation was the last round towards debut. Despite being moved to a song that I didn’t pick and got a lower position than main vocalist, I continued to strive through. Whether I do well or do poorly, I want to hear that I did a good job.

“In 3^rd place…Jo Yuri from Stone Music Entertainment.”

I ended up screaming and my shocked was rooted until I got to the pedestal to say my speech.

Was it real? Was it truly real? Do I have to pinch myself many times to know that it’s real?

It was. It truly was. It was miracle given to me by the Almighty, the National Producers, and all who supported me. For that, I thank them so much.

Every moment made my heart beat fast. Every moment gave me a hard time. Now that I reached this part of my dream, I realize that even if I don’t know how much I have to practice, even if I don’t when or will I ever get to debut, what matters is that I had shown that I’ve grown and debuted.

I’ve grown and debuted…yet I’ll continue to grow.

+++

“This scene looks like a Windows XP wallpaper.”

“That’s not funny, Yena-unnie!” I spat after we finished shooting the birthday special for Arcade.

She gave me a peace sign and I was given a good thumbs-up from her and the staff after the shoot. She lent a hand and ran to her like a little kid so that I can hug her.

“That was cute.”

I looked up and pouted. She gave me a lousy pout and we ended up laughing at each other. She pulled me to go and I asked, “Why?”

“To get married.”

“Aish! Not that line again!” I nudged her.

“Come on. You loved it in your previous birthday and you’ll love it again.”

I pouted but I agreed, holding to her closer as we decided to go on a date and get ice cream. As a result, we debated on who will buy. But in the end, Yena-unnie will buy for me.

“Tch. I hate you.” I mumbled.

“I love you too, my honey vocal.” Yena added, kissing her cheek.

I chuckled. I was a vocal to many but a honey vocal for her.