Waking up in Jay’s bed, his arm around me, I smile happily, tracing his tattoos while he sleeps I think about how he’d convinced me to finish work early the night before my birthday. As I told the boys I did get to wake up late. I was able to revel in the latter half of the morning.  Jay’s sleeping body radiating warmth to me, his soft breathing calming me into a sweet limbo of happiness. It was as though we were finally back in our little world. The world we’d first met in. Nothing puncturing it, at least not yet, Jay’s words are still echoing in my mind. ‘I have to tell you something after your birthday, so don’t leave until I tell you ok? Don’t go to work until I tell you.’

Jay and I though we still haven’t quite stopped the fighting it has lessen a great deal. Though I still catch Jay looking at me as though something is wrong, and when I ask he just shakes his head and kisses the top of my head.

Turning over in the bed I sit up, letting my fingers graze through his hair, the luscious black locks, soft to the touch. I’d like to think that this is something I can keep. This little bubble we’ve foraged. I smile at Jay smiling in his sleep at my touch. As he comes to he smiles at me, “Were you awake long birthday girl?” He asks me staying as he is, his eyes crinkle on the sides portraying how happy he is, his smile reaching his eyes again. “Hmmh?”

“No.” I whisper leaning down to kiss his forehead. The more time I spend with him the more I wonder about Jay. The little we do know it almost crippling to my feelings, but then they ignite and prove to me despite our ignorance about each other I love him. I smile at him rubbing his shoulders now. “What do you have planned?”

Jay sits up excitedly, “Well a breakfast, first my dear. You wash up and I’ll go get started.” He says jumping out of bed. He turns to look at me, “You look beautiful…I don’t tell you that enough.” Jay says before walking through the apartment.

Getting out of bed I look down at the shirt hanging from my body, Jay’s shirt. My mind immediately flashes to the shirt in Nichkhun’s closet, the same one in mine. Shaking the thoughts from my head I quickly pick out a long sleeved shirt, and some jeans.

Stepping out hair damp and Jay changed and waiting for me, a smile on his face. “You ok?” He asks me as though there isn’t a certain conversation looming over us, “Sweetie?”

Smiling at him I nod my head and take his hand as he leads me to the table set for breakfast, it was wonderful, and the entire morning was perfect, even him taking me on a walk. Much easier with everyone wearing hats, scarfs and gloves all ready for winter, Jay was able to hide himself better, at least better than during the warmer months. Walking hand in hand I smile at Jay.

“You know you you’re amazing right?” I ask Jay as he swings out hands while walking through the streets.

Jay shrugs his shoulders, “I think the real amazing one is you, but whatever you say.” This causes me to laugh, “I love your laugh.” He says suddenly. It worries me when he makes little comments like that recently; like he has to tell me now or he won’t ever get the chance to tell me.

I smile sheepishly at Jay, “Come on let’s go back and get some hot chocolate.” I murmur tugging his hand back towards his apartment. Jay follows me silently as we walk back along the way we came, every now and then stopping us to look at a store front or to help someone. “You’re a good person.”

Jay smiles at me, “I think I’m just decent.” He says smiling at me.

Shaking my head as we make it to his apartment complex, “I think you’re a really good person, I mean you saved my life, is there anyone else you’ve saved from an unfavorable event?” I ask him cocking my head to the side.

Jay slips his gloves off, placing them on my face, “No one that means as much to me as you do.” He says before kissing me, Jay’s never done something so bold in public, not that I’m angry, right now though I’m surprised, with us both concealed in winter jackets, hats and gloves helped, but somehow I still felt exposed. “You’re really special to me.”

Blinking in surprise I smile at him, “You’re special to me too.” I whisper smiling, his rosy cheeks reminding me that he’s human and not some kind of super human.

“Come on let’s get you that coco.” He says leading me into the building. “So my beauty what’s your birthday wish?”

Laughing I blush, leaning against him in the elevator I shrug my shoulder, really I got anything I wanted, not just on my birthday, as along as my mother approved that is. A weekend in Vegas, time away in New York, the latest fashion, cars, electronics…anything. There wasn’t much out of her reach. “Just a day to relax, I just want to spend the day not really doing anything.”

Jay chuckles in my ear, his lips so close that his breath is on my neck, “I think I can manage that.” He mumbles kissing me gently on my cheek. I’m not sure how he does it, but Jay makes me happy. Leading me to his apartment Jay and I step in, “You pick out a movie and I’ll get that hot coco and a snack.”

The afternoon was as great as the morning, “So,” Jay asks as we thumb wrestle on the couch under a couple of blankets. “If I win then we watch a scary movie, you win we star gaze tonight, or try to.” He says focusing on our hands.

Smirking I say “Uh-huh.” With my other hand I rub Jay’s knee and slowly reaching his thigh, this getting his attention distracts him long enough for me to win. “Not so fair is it!” I ask him excitedly.

Jay laughs at me, “I didn’t imply anything like you did!” He says trying to get out of the verdict. “Sneaky, sneaky.”

“Oh, kissing me isn’t implying anything?” I ask him sassily, shaking my fists in the air. “I told you I’d get you back.”

Jay laughs, but he pulls me into his grasp, “Sometimes I just want to hold you.” He mutters seriously, kissing me gently. As my surprises dies down I wrap my legs around Jay and my arms instinctively wrap around his neck while my hands run through Jay’s hair.

Picking me up with ease Jay walks me down the hall, and eventually into his bedroom, “This was we can just talk in bed.” He mumbles against my lips.

Nodding my head, my lips rubbing against his had him biting them lightly, it felt good, and everything seemed ok, until I remembered the fights, Jay and I shouldn’t be doing this, not now. Pulling away I look into his eyes. “Not now.” I whisper quietly, I had to be sure of how Jay feels about me before I do anything like what we’re heading towards.

Nodding his head he kisses me tenderly again, “I know.” He whispers smiling at me. Untangling our limbs from each other Jay pulls me to rest against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I whisper contently closing my eyes. “I just don’t want to rush that sort of thing Jay.”

Nodding his head Jay snakes his arms around me, “I think as part of your relaxing day calls for a nap in the middle of the day.” He coos kissing my temple. “Then we can wake up and…”

“I wanna see you dance again.” I mumble as I feel my tiredness taking over.

“As you wish princess.” He whispers, again he starts to sing me a song, only this time it’s not ‘I Can’t Be Without You’ he sings me ‘Star’.

Waking up to Jay humming a different song, something unfamiliar, “Are you awake?” Nodding my head I stretch, wriggling out of his grasp, heading out to the living room I look on the porch to see Jay has a fire going on the porch, behind it is a chair. “Star gazing.” Jay reminds me from behind.

Smiling at him I see he has a sweatshirt for me, pulling on me, a jacket already on him he leads me to the chair, sitting down first, pulling me to sit on him he wraps a couple of blankets around me.

“You’ve gotten this ready?” I ask him curiously looking up at the sky.

Jay laughs, “Yeah, I figured it’d be a little romantic.” He says; I can hear the smile, the amused expression on his face, “We can eat dinner in a little.”

“Then you’ll dance.” I add.

Again Jay laughs, “Yes, I’ll dance and teach you something new, and then we can have dessert.”

“In bed.” I say happily looking up at the sky, sure I can’t see the stars, but I couldn’t in LA either.

“Then we’ll fall asleep.” He murmurs. “I like falling asleep with you in my arms.”

“Oh?” I ask him curiously, turning slightly to look at him, “Why is that?”

Jay smiles at me “It’s hard to see you so peaceful when you’re awake, but when you’re asleep it’s like nothing can bother you.”

Smiling at him I rest my head on his shoulder “It helps who’s around.” I whisper happily. “When I was a kid my dad used to take me to look up at the stars.”

“Then what happened?”

Shrug my shoulders I silently add that he got wrapped up in work, of course now he can’t. Now my dad can’t do much but stay alive, but even that’s only because of a machine. “I guess I got too old, he got too busy.”

Jay’s grip tightens on me. “Do you like winter?”

Nodding my head I let out a breath, amused by the cloud of air from my breath. “I love winter. I love building snowmen, making snow angels, the lights; everything is just so much like being a kid.” I mumble “Don’t you ever just want to be a little kid again, even if it’s only for an hour?”

Jay blows a big breath out, “Yeah, I guess but you know it’s even nicer when you can really appreciate that you’re a kid, most of the time you never realize how lucky we were back then, not really having to worry about much…”

For a while Jay and I just sit silently looking up, some starts are peaking through the light pollution, it makes me think back on what my dad would say when we’d drive out to the desert …

“Dad what’s that one?” I ask excitedly as my dad points out constellations and even making up some for my amusement.
He grins at me, messing my hair up, “That one is Orion’s Belt.” He proceeds to tell me the story, and I listen to him tell me all about it. “Sweet heart are you sure this is all you want to do?”
“Daddy!” I whine rolling my eyes, “You said we could do anything for my birthday. And I tell you every year that this is all I want to do for every birthday.”
Laughing he kisses the top of my head, “One day though you’re not going to want to do this. You’ll meet a nice boy and do special things with him.”
“Daddy don’t be ridiculous.” I tell him rolling my eyes.

I’d been nine then, my dad and I would do that for two more years before I’d want to spend my birthday with friends, and he’d be too busy working. “You must really miss doing this.” Jay whispers picking me up.

“Yeah,” I mumble leaning into him. “I’m glad though that you did all this.”

Jay smiles at me, “Let’s warm up and we can get you some dinner.” Setting me down on the couch Jay leaves and returns with some hot coco. “There you are my dear; I’ll be back with dinner.”

“Pizza?” I ask him smiling.

Nodding his head Jay kisses my temple again, “Anything you want.”

The next time Jay comes out he’s holding two plates of cheese pizza. “And I bring you delicious pizza!” He cheers happily. Turning on the T.V. he flips it to a random channel.

“Thank you Jay.” I mumble eating the warm pizza, “Today has been great.”

Jay smiles at me, “Well you know it’s not over yet, we still have dancing, and then dessert in bed.” He says smiling, watching me Jay frowns. “Is something wrong?”

Shaking my head I smile at him, “No, I’m just really happy.” I tell him finishing my pizza.

Nodding his head he takes my plate after turning the TV off. “Well I’ll put some music on and we can dance. “Smiling I sigh contently, I really am happy even if I am thinking about my dad, and my mom. I’m happy here in Korea. Jay puts in a CD, instead of the hip hop or pop I was expecting a slow song comes on. “I thought we could do something a bit slower.”

Smiling I take Jay’s hands, him leading the dance, “You’re just an all-round perfect guy.” I say watching Jay just looking at me, it makes me nervous.

Jay shrugs his shoulders, “What can I say, I try.” He says laughing. Rolling my eyes I twirl into Jay’s arms, him whispering that “It’s time for cake.”

Jay sends me to the bedroom telling me to get changed. As I pull on a shirt Jay comes in with a cake, candles lit. “Jay…” I mumble walking over to him.

“Make a wish princess.” He says holding the cake in front of me.

Closing my eyes I make a simple wish before blowing out the candles. ‘Let everything work out please’. Taking some of the icing I happily eat it. “This is great.”

“Just as it should be.” Jay says nodding to his bed.

Jay and I sit eating, playing around and talking about how great today had been, and our relationship. Things really couldn’t get better.

“Ah Jay stop it!” I giggle as he hovers over me tickling my sides. “Uncle, uncle!” I say between laughs.

Jay grins at me, leaning down he kisses my lips, “You still taste like cake.”

“Well you bought a very nice cake.” I tell him smiling, my lips again to get the icing off, “That was from you!” I say laughing as he wriggles his eyebrows at me.

Calming down Jay wraps his arms around me, I’ve been in his arms all day it seems and I still can’t get enough of being right here. Falling asleep I hear Jay whisper, “See you look so peaceful.”

Waking up I slip out of Jay’s grasp managing not to wake him up, grabbing my clothes I walk into the bathroom to shower, quickly getting dressed I make a pot of coffee, grabbing a bowl I have some cereal to hold me off until I eat with the boys. I'm so excited to see them, I feel like they’d gone back to Singapore or something. Calling a taxi I sigh contently yesterday was fantastic, perfect even.

Walking into Jay’s room I kiss him lightly on the cheek, “I’ve got to go sweetie.” I whisper heading to the door. Making it to the door I hear Jay running, confused I wait a little bit; I know I can make it to their apartment. “Jay?” I ask hearing him now in the kitchen, not seeing him I start towards the door again.

“Wait!” Jay calls rushing out from the kitchen. “Wait.” I stop in my tracks to look at Jay, him slightly disheveled and worry stricken.

“What is it that you have to tell me?” I ask Jay ready to leave; I have to be at the boys’ apartment in ten minutes. “Jay you’re the one who said wait.” I remind him in a hurry, I rock on my heels in anticipation. “Jay you need to hurry up and tell me, I have a taxi waiting.”