Two weeks without Jay, we say we’ll be ok, but when we were talking he sounded like we wouldn’t be, like something else was bugging him, something more than dance practice, more than missing me. It worries me how distant he’s become and I don’t just mean physically. We talk on the phone but it’s like he’s only sort of aware of what we’re talking about, like he half understands and cares, what’s worse is he’s only been gone for a week. I dread to think what will happen at the end of two weeks. I just hope that by the time he returns everything will be ok with us again.

“How’s Japan?” I whisper to Jay, he lets out a yawn and asks me what I’d just said. Inwardly I swear at him and call him selfish and lazy for making me wait but then I feel that twitch of pain, he doesn’t care enough to even try to hold a conversation with me. “Nothing, anyways I have to go.” I lie.

“Do you have to?” Jay asks suddenly perking his interest, I hate this, when I’m tired of trying to talk Jay is suddenly the most lively person to be with on the phone. “We just got to talk to each other...” We both know that this is true, but I think he's realizing it is partly (mostly) him who is making this harder on us.

I debate whether I should hang up or not, as much as I want to talk to Jay I am irate at him, well maybe not, but I am irritated with him. “Yeah, I do call me later.” I say deciding to end this conversation. I don’t even wait to hear Jay say goodbye. I know it was too harsh but I couldn’t help it, I heard the same girl in the background asking if Jay was almost done with his call that I’ve heard in the background every time Jay and I are attempting to talk. I decided he was. Call me petty but it’s not like I don’t know what Jay was like before…But before what? Me? Did he really change? What’s more why was I suddenly questioning how Jay and I feel about each other?

“Are you still pouting?” Junsu asks; sitting next to me he frowns slightly. “I’m sure it’s nothing, he’s just busy we all get like that.” Hearing it from Junsu wasn’t reassuring, then again I’m not sure if anyone said it if it’d be reassuring. “Come on let’s get you home.” Junsu says standing up, grabbing the keys he smiles at me encouragingly.

“Do you think we’ll be ok when he gets back?” I ask him quietly following him out the door with my bag, He doesn’t say anything as we walk to the car, but Junsu surprises me and gets in the driver’s seat, walking around awkwardly I get in my seat and glance at him. “You are a good driver right?”

Junsu rolls his eyes, backing out he happily hums to himself, “Jay, he’s serious about his career, I remember when we were trainees and he’d stay late with me and just practice or watch me trying to find a way to sing better.” Junsu says quietly, “I miss hanging out with him.” He says chuckling; carefully Junsu drives us out onto the highway. “Direct me my dongsang.”

Smiling at Junsu I relax a bit as we near my home. “I don’t know how he’s done it.” I say quietly as he turns the car off. “I can hardly stand being away from you guys for five days, I was dying.” I confess as Junsu looks over at me, his expression asking if I was being serious.

“You missed us that much while we were gone?” He asks me quietly, “We were constantly turning around to show you something only to remember for the first time in seven months that we can’t just call you to come over.” He says rubbing his face, “It was a little frightening to be honest; I’m so used to you being around watching us, keeping us out of trouble, joining us, being next to us.” He says smiling at me.

Smiling at Junsu I let out a deep sigh, glancing out the window I wonder if I can keep the promise I made with Junho. “I’m not going anywhere; you boys don’t have to worry about me leaving.” I promise verbally again, I just pray that I can. “After all you can’t get rid of family that easily.”

Junsu grins at me, “Jay wrote that song about you didn’t he?” Junsu whispers quietly. “’Girlfriend’ it fits you.” He compliments me. “I just want you to be careful while dating Jay; I don’t want you getting hurt.” His expression darkens. “Don’t let Jay’s charm blind you when you need to make a decision. Don’t let him influence whether you stay or leave us.” Junsu says quietly. “The others would kill me if they heard that, but if you have to leave don’t use Jay as an excuse.”

in my breath I nod my head, I couldn’t...could I? I may love being around Jay but could I pin the blame on him if I left? I doubt it, besides I know that they’d see right through that in a heartbeat. As recluse as I am about myself the boys know me better than that, right? “I won’t, I wouldn’t.” I work out, smiling I pat Junsu’s head, “Come in for a drink?”

“Tea?” He asks me already opening his door, “Is this where you take the kids?”

Laughing I nod him to follow me quickly, “Yeah, so I’ll tell you what they know.” I tell him pointing to the numbers marking my home, twisting one of them up I reveal my key placed under it carefully. “My spare key so you guys don’t have to break in.”

“Is that what they called a window repair man for?” Junsu asks in disbelief, “Those hooligans.”

Allowing Junsu to enter first, watching Junsu look around he scoffs at all the pictures signed by us now decorating my wall. “Is this what you guys do?”

“Yeah, we have a lot of fun, it’s like when I sit and listen to you play the keyboard in your room.” I say smiling at him. “We have just as much fun.”

“What are you doing?” I’d ask walking into the room seeing Junsu hunched over groaning a bit, the groans sounded as though the world was ending now like Junsu was on a break from his schedule unlike the others. “Normally you’re playing all this wonderful music.”

Junsu lifts his head for a moment to look at me before it falls right back into place. “I can’t think of anything to compose.” He whines tapping his fingers in an irritated manner. “I have absolutely no idea what I should do…” He continues to rant on, I’d never seen him so stumped before, normally by the time I get to the door he begins to play again and I don’t have to worry, this time however was different.

Taking a seat behind him I poke his back and draw shapes like a child. “I think you’re over thinking things, you know how you can get oppa.”

After that Junsu and I sat and talked letting his mind solve the melody problem on its own letting it blossom and we just grew closer from that.

Junsu stares at me from across the table. “Does Jay get jealous?” Junsu asks while sipping his tea, he smiles at me coyly, “Well?”

Sighing I smirk right back at Junsu, “I think he does, but he hasn’t told me out right.” I confess to my oppa. “You know Jay well enough would he tell me?” I ask him tilting my head to the side slightly.

Junsu shrugs his shoulders. “Honestly I think it would depend on how much you mean to him, not that I’m saying you mean a little or a lot, I’m not going to pretend I know your relationship or Jay like I used to.” Junsu says tactfully. “Jay is upfront, it’s a matter of asking him.”

“What about with you guys? Can I ask if you’re jealous?” I ask him quietly, Junsu fidgets a little.

Under my gaze Junsu sighs and runs his hand through his hair, while setting his cup down gracefully. “I am, I can’t speak for the others but I’d be willing to bet on it that they are. I think they’re glad Jay is gone for two weeks, that’s two weeks you’re all ours.” Junsu says carefully. “I just feel like we have little time with you even though we’re probably with you more.” Nodding my head I pout slightly, with Junsu we’re very honest; I like that we’re like this, really I do. “I just…I feel like Jay knows you better than we do, I know he’s your boyfriend or whatever, but…” He leaves off looking at me sadly.

Sighing I smile at him, “I don’t think you should worry about that. I don’t act much different around Jay, and I may share things with him, but at the same time I tell you guys things as well.” I say trying to ease the jealousy, part of me doesn’t understand the jealousy, the other part of me agrees that I might share more with Jay, but that’s only because I’m so comfortable with him. “Junsu?” I ask seeing him make a funny face.

“You know, you promise not to leave us, so what happens if you’re asked to?” Junsu asks sighing, “Do you give it all up so you can stay with us? Or do you break your promise?” Junsu again speaks before I can answer, not that I’m sure what I’d say, “Or what if you want to leave? Maybe we get in the way of that…” Sighing he looks at me. I know it’s childish to promise something so like that and to add in the fact I’ve confessed to Jay I don’t know if this is permanent for me, all I really know is that this is where I’m happy.  “Don’t get me wrong, but eventually something will tip the balance we’ve found for the eight of us.”

“I’ve thought about that,” I whisper quietly, and secretly I question the so called balance we’ve found. Because if this is balanced, then I’d hate to see me struggling with Jay and 2PM, as time consuming as my job is and as much as I love it I also like my relationship with Jay. Even if things with both aren’t perfect, they haven’t been and I’d even go so far as to say they never have been. Even ignoring the circumstances that brought me to Korea, I hide things from both parties to avoid them getting angry or anything that could blow up in my face. “Honestly speaking if I do leave because of whatever would you hate me?”

Junsu shakes his head, “Promising to be with us always is ridiculous, but I’d be angry sure, but that’d pass. I couldn’t hate you for that, but I’d hate you for using us as an excuse to stay or Jay as an excuse to leave. You’re special, don’t forget that.” He says as his phone begins to buzz. Sighing he glances at it. “Minjae-hyung.”

“You should probably head back to the dorm.” I say standing up, Junsu follows behind me, pausing, turning to face him I see him staring at the poster on the outside of the dorm. Wooyoung had put it up, saying that way the seven of them are represented. Since we put it up though the younger boys and Jay stare at it absently, the same expression that’s on Junsu’s face, a mix of pain, and joy. “I’d told the others I could take it down and move it but they all say to leave it.” I mumble quietly.

“You should. It’s just weird to see the seven of us together; it seems like a long time ago even though it really isn’t.” Junsu says moving on and to the van parked in front of my apartment, the same place where Jay parks.

“Bye Oppa, drive safe and thank you for the ride home.” Hugging him I kiss his cheek, “Text me when you get back to the dorm alright?”

“Will do mother hen.” He jokes ruffling my hair, watching Junsu get in the van and drive off I frown a little, looking back at the poster I wonder if it really is ok to keep up. It makes me worry when Jay just stares at it, I want to ask what he thinks of when he just stares at it but to be honest it scares me. Jay seems hesitant to talk about them since Woo, Junho and Chansungie have decorated my walls. Like somehow I’ve slipped from the middle of them and further into another.

Waking up in the morning I check my phone seeing Junsu’s text.

‘Made it home Mother Hen’

It reliefs me since I hadn’t been able to stay up to get the message, getting ready I check the boy’s schedules, taking note that I’ll be with Wooyoung, Nichkhun and Taecyeon today while Minjae-sshi makes sure that the other three are taken care of. “Busy, busy…” I mumble to myself as I get dressed in my standard outfit, skinny jeans, a somewhat dressy top, braiding my hair to go over my shoulder I smile contently as I finish the rest of my early morning routine. Quickly grabbing my coat and a bagel; I make sure the door is properly secured before heading towards the dorm.

Upon my arrival I find Minjae-sshi sitting drinking his coffee, awake and not rushing the boys. “You know they won’t judge you, and I won’t, but if the media gets a hold of 2PM’s assistant dating Jay…” He says looking up at me, “It won’t be good, and I can tell you this much Jinyoung-sshi won’t be happy.”

“That’s why Jay and I are being careful not to be caught.” I say quietly, in the whole mess of me dating Jay and the boys knowing I completely forgot about how Minjae-sshi would feel.

“Keep it that way.” He says warning me, not in a harsh tone but in a more fatherly way. “We like you kid, a lot.” Again I’m not sure how I should feel about this, them liking me so much. At the same time I’m grateful and honored that they feel that way, but then again I feel that guilt and pain in my chest. No matter how much I assimilated into this lifestyle I still have to keep in mind how temporary this all can really be. “Now go wake them up, I’m going to run and buy some coffee for them, it’s going to be a very long day.” He says exasperated.

Nodding my head I slip my shoes off, heading to wake them when he catches me on the shoulder asking me one final question. “He is treating you right, right?” Nodding my head he claps my shoulder a few times, “I’m glad to hear that.” He says relieved.

I wasn’t lying, Jay treats me right, but more so when we’re in the same city, and this is the first time Jay and I have really been apart. Besides Jay and I will be better once he gets back in Seoul, we will. I have to keep telling myself that, I just have to remember that. Anyways all couples hit some rough patches, we wouldn’t be normal if we didn’t. But then I remember Jay had been acting strange before he left,he’d suddenly pulled back… I push the nasty thought out of my mind, Jay told me it was because he was tired and he would miss me so much. So why wasn’t he acting like he missed me so much? Again I push the doubt out of my mind; I don’t need to think about it, I don’t need to.

Making breakfast they all mosey their way to the table, looking at me for a moment before down at their spots. “Is everything alright?” Nichkhun asks bravely, he smiles at me.

I inwardly curse his good looks and the way he makes me feel; despite knowing that I have Jay my heart still decided I should have some sort of reaction to Nichkhun. “Yeah, Minjae-sshi went for coffee, so…” I say stretching.

“Long day…” They all grumble throwing their heads back. We all don’t like it when Minjae-sshi goes for coffee, coffee means leaving a little bit earlier, being rushed, yelled at and corralled like livestock. No one like it’s.        

Sorry it's taken me so long to post this, I graduated, then had project graduation then the morning I got back I had to pack and  then go on a six hour road trip for a family reunion. So to be honest it has been crazy for me, I really haven't had much time to write with everything going on. I just finished a job application so I'm hoping I get an interveiw and what not, plus I still have to figure out that whole post-high school plan thing. But I have a update for you guys, and we're getting into some interesting water, I'm interested in the Pro-Jay comments, and more than happy for any of the comments you guys drop so thank you. ^^