Jay came back today, and I only know because he’s standing in front of me in my apartment a slightly irritated look. “You stopped calling and answering…” He says quietly.

He’s not wrong, I did. I got tired of trying to be heard so I stopped talking. “You stopped trying.” I counter. I know it’s childish, but it just slips out.

Jay stares at me like it is absurd, that I’d just slapped him in the face. “What?”

I purse my lips as I set my bag down on the table and slip my shoes off, moving further into my apartment I walk around him shrugging my shoulders. “Just that, I called and you weren’t paying attention, I’d have to repeat things…Jay I got tired of it, I wasn’t going to put myself through that over and over.” I explain to him pulling a bottle of water out.

Jay and I don’t say anything; we just look at each other trying to figure out what happened, why we were arguing. “You did too. You ignored me.” He says just as hurt.

“Why do you think I did?” I ask him setting my water bottle down, “Jay you were doing the same.” I tell him hitting the counter with my fist. Jay glares at me, I at him. “Every time I tried to talk to you…”

Jay and I continued to argue, I’m not sure what about, but we suddenly found all these little instances to fight about and so he left my apartment angry and upset. I’d been left alone angry and suddenly an overwhelming sadness came over me…

“You’re spending all your time with them! What about me? What about our relationship?!” Jay yells at me. “There should be just two of us not eight.”

Huffed up I throw my arms to my sides, “Jay my job is to be around them, to make them happy!” I yell back, “What do you want me to do about that? Besides they’re my friends!” I yell back ignoring the last statement he made. I didn’t want to fight about how close I’d grown to be with 2PM, not right now with Jay, not with me having to leave in twenty minutes to go to one of their shows.

“So you cancel on me all the time to what?” He asks me gesturing towards the picture of 2PM and me smiling and having a good time, “To spend even more time with them. I miss you, I need you too.” Jay says sounding a bit more desperate.

Slightly taken back by what he’d said I turn my head, “Jay, you do the same thing.” I say tired, tired of yelling, of fighting, tired of how Jay and I are now. When I say this it normally ends the fight and Jay leaves for a little bit to blow some steam off or something, I don’t know and I’m starting to worry. That scares me; I don’t know why but with Jay I am. I want to care, so why are we fighting so much? Why am I starting some of them? Why? “You were once part of that! Tell me how I could resist a family like them!” I ask him lowering my voice, “How? Jay what do you want me to do?”

Jay’s arms drop from his chest, the once perfectly sculpted arms folded in resolute now hang at his sides almost like he’s in defeat…almost. “By accepting me like that, by wanting me to be there too…”

I was in shock, I wasn’t sure how to process that, but what I do know is that my heart started to beat faster than normal, faster than when Jay makes me nervous.

Jay and I fought more, but to be honest it’s all a blur now, I’m not even sure what we fought about. At least not anymore, but Jay and I didn’t always fight, we still had those days like when we first met, those first few months when we could just be happy with being with each other…

“Do we really have to fight?” I ask him setting my bag on the couch. I’d met her, and she wasn’t at all pleasant. She took to trying to order me around, Minjae-sshi and I both had to tell her I worked for 2PM and not JYPE employees. I have no idea who she is, but apparently the boys didn’t like her either. “Jay?” I ask him rubbing my arms nervously, he’s just standing there.

Jay sighs taking a seat. “I’m tired of fighting too.” He whispers taking my hand gently in his, “I’m excited for your birthday.” I smile at him sweetly, leaning against him Jay wraps his arms around me. “Are you working?”

I shake my head, “I have that day off and I don’t have anything planned…” I whisper hugging Jay tight.

Jay rubs my sides affectionately. “That’s alright, I have a few things in mind for you birthday.” He says huskily, turning to look at him I stare into Jay’s eyes.

Slowly I lean up and kiss Jay, not for the first time, but this time something is different for both of us, the kiss was both intimate and timid. Jay and I sit on the couch for a while just kissing, the skin contact between us heating up, I don’t know how long we were like that but as we both pull away I realize all the pent un frustration still isn’t gone, but it is smaller, it has lessened.

“I really am sorry for ignoring you.” I whisper my lips so close to his, my eyes staring into his, at this point I realize what I’d been dodging, why it hurt me that Jay hadn’t been trying, and why I was hoping. As my eyes close and Jay’s lips kiss mine again and pull away I don’t just see Jay, I see someone I’ve fallen in love with. “Is something wrong?” I ask him a little out of breath.

“I’m sorry for making you feel unwanted.” He says my face gently, getting up with me in his arms he carries me to my room, setting me on the bed he picks out some clothes handing them to me he shuts the door. Changing into the pajamas I open the door to see him waiting, “We better get you in bed; you’ve had a rough day right?”

Nodding my head Jay takes his shirt off and scoops me into his arms again, laying me down, he hugs me before kissing my head. “Jay will you stay until I fall asleep?” I ask him quietly, he hasn’t stayed in such a long time.

Jay nods his head, “Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” He says quietly, Jay begins to sing me a song off of his old album, ‘I can’t be without you’. I listen to the lyrics, to him sing to me. I think about how I love Jay, how this is new to me, and yet something is nagging at the back of my mind.

When I wake up I see Jay watching me, “Do you want me to drop you off?” Jay asks me quietly, he smiles at me.

“I want you to, but is it really alright?” I ask him quietly, Jay shrugs his shoulders, pulling me up he walks behind me holding my waist, connecting us. “Breakfast?” I ask him as we waddle to my kitchen.

“I’ll make it while you get ready,” releasing me he turns me around; smiling like he knows something, “You better hurry.” He says kissing the top of my forehead before my lips.

Doing as I was told I take a shower, I’m acutely aware of the door, I know Jay won’t try anything, but I listen for him anyways. It bothers me how he’s treating me, not just like he did before, but like he’s taking careful precautions for things. Stepping out I grab a towel and walk to my room, getting dressed I grab a random shirt, pulling it on I realize where I’d gotten it. It was Nichkhun’s; he’d given me several shirts he deemed I’d needed. Knotting it on the side to make it fit a bit better, pulling on skinny jeans and socks, I step out to go dry my hair, I quickly do the rest of my morning routine, running to pull a hoodie on I walk to the kitchen table, my hair up in a bun, makeup done and breakfast done.

“Took you long enough.” He jokes smiling at me. Taking a seat I smile at him, eating quickly I run to brush my teeth and get my shoes on; waiting with another coat, gloves and a scarf is Jay. “Better get you there, they’re gonna be worried.”

The ride had been silent, I began to wonder how Jay felt about me and he was certainly treating me like a princess, maybe even someone he loved? Dropping me off a block away at my request he smiles at me. “See you tomorrow alright?” He says, nodding my head I tell him ok, and that we should have dinner together tomorrow, Jay nods his head. Driving off leaving me in the snowy-December stricken street.

Walking carefully up the steps I push the door open and glad to have the warm air surround me. Taking my jackets off I quickly whip up some breakfast before going to wake the guys. Chansung and Wooyoung both hug me tightly upon seeing me. “Noona are you ok?”

Nodding my head I smile at them before going to wake Junho, he also hugs me tightly, “Noona did you walk in the cold?”

“Just a little bit.” I tell him smiling at his concern. “I promise you though; I remembered my gloves and scarf today.”

Nodding approvingly he gets up as Wooyoung comes in to get ready. Waking up Junsu and Taecyeon was a bit more difficult. Ripping the covers off though seemed to do the trick. “It’s cold!” They both whine quickly finding sweats to put on. Taec smiles at me though, pausing as he smirks. “He’ll be happy.” He mutters before pushing me out to get dressed, not leaving me a moment to figure out what he’d meant.

Lastly, as always, is Nichkhun. Entering I see him curled up under a pile of blankets. “Time to wake up.” I coo stepping closer.

“You know letting us sleep in for once would be nice.” He growls slightly, before he sits up, an apologetic look on his face. “I didn’t mean how…” Trailing off he smiles, getting up he gives me a hug. “You smell like him again, are you both done fighting?” He asks me pulling away, he looks concerned.

“How did you know?” I ask him confused; I hadn’t told any of them that Jay and I were fighting.

Nichkhun smirks at me. “None of us have that cologne that is lightly around you.” Continuing on he smiles at me, “And you’ve been dressing a bit more conservative, I thought it was just your style for winter, but then other days you’d sport shirts like that, normally on those days when we hug I’d smell that cologne.” He surmises, “And you don’t seem as agitated, even after meeting her.” Nichkhun says patting my head.

“You notice so much.” I mumble sighing, but quickly my mind begins to turn. “Who is she?”

Nichkhun’s face scrunches up into disdain. “She is Ms. Gok; she works with JYPE’s promotional team. With Christmas coming up and since we already finished recording she was probably telling Minjae-sshi about when we’ll be recording.” Nodding my head we suddenly hear the boys calling about food, sighing I leave Nichkhun to get ready. “You never answered my question.” He says before I leave.

Smiling at him I shrug my shoulders. “I hope so, I hate fighting with him.”

Serving breakfast I smile at them, Minjae-sshi is in a meeting with the other managers about JYP Nation’s Christmas video, and probably planning the party as well. “Noona your birthday is coming up.” Wooyoung says brightly.

Laughing I take a break from cleaning to talk with them, “It is, I plan on sleeping in.” I tell them sassily.

“Noona will we get to see you on your birthday?” Junho asks.

Shrugging my shoulders I look at the six boys, all their eyes now on me. “I’ll try to come over for a little bit, but I’m not sure what all I’ll be doing.” I tell them honestly. “Jay’s planning something, but I’ll probably come over.”

“You don’t have to,” Chansung says quietly. “If you want to spend the day with Hyung we’ll understand. Besides we can celebrate later.” He says smoothly.

“I want to see you guys on my birthday.” I tell them smiling, gripping Chansung’s hand, “You guys know I’ll miss you too much.”

While doing the laundry I sit on the sill, looking out the window, the snow piling up, the cold chill sending chills down my spine. I came here in the summer; I spent all of fall, and now part of winter here. Almost all my time has been spent with 2PM. I’m starting to wonder how all months have passed me by. How in all the time that I’ve spent here that I’ve seemed to have fallen in love, and yet there is still someone that can make me feel like there is still another chance, another way.

Jay and I have been together for seven months now, the last month or so have been rough but we’ve seemed to get through it. It has me wondering though, I’ve only known Jay for those seven months, and should I be worried for how I feel about him? Is it really love? I think it is; I’ve never been attached to a person like I am with him.