CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE: being civil

I was getting ready to get discharged today... Finally, however, I don't know how to act around Jiyong. I know we have to be civilized to each other in terms of taking care of our newborn daughter, but I feel like I'm going to give in when I see him. I sighed as I changed my hospital gown to comfy clothes that Jiyong had brought for me. As I was changing, I could hear Jiyong's cooes from outside. I smiled unintentionally and let myself smile just for a moment. I knew I wanted to hear Jiyong make those sounds... I wanted to have a perfect family, but I'm afraid I can't have that anymore.

I shook my thoughts off as I finished changing. When I was done, I looked at myself in the mirror and encouraged myself to be stronger. I won't cry, that's what I keep telling myself. I have to be strong for my daughters... I have to act cold towards Jiyong in able to protect my heart and our relationship. I don't want to destroy it further. Being civil towards each other is enough for me.

I got out of the hospital bathroom and saw Jiyong and Mi Yong playing with our daughter, who Jiyong and I named as Melody. The reason behind naming our first daughter Melody is because of the passion Jiyong and I have for music. Everyone knows that Jiyong and I lived for music, at least he is now, and I was back then, but I still love music. I think naming our daughter Melody was the right thing to do. It felt right. 

I walked silently towards my hospital bed and checked if I left anything else. I looked at my little 'family' and smiled weakly. "When will I ever see this image ever again?" I thought. I sighed and both Mi Yong and Jiyong looked up at me with their beautiful eyes. I just stared at them blankly as they smiled at me. "Are you ready to go?" Jiyong asked. I nodded and took the baby bag and mine. He stood up and placed Melody on her car seat. I heard her beautiful coo before she was placed inside her car seat. It made my day already. 

When Jiyong finally buckled our baby girl, he took the car seat on his hands and carried it carefully while Mi Yong held on to his free hands. I looked at them as they smiled at me, waiting for me to walk towards them. I sighed silently and walked towards the door, holding the sliding door for them, and as they walked out the room, I closed it behind me and walked beside Mi Yong. She held my hands and I looked down at her and smiled sadly.

We were all silent while we walked towards my car. Unfortunately, I have to drive, since Jiyong doesn't have his license, but I don't even know how my car arrived here. I looked at Jiyong questioningly as he just smiled at me. He opened the back seat of my car and settled Melody's car seat on the back seat, while I buckled Mi Yong beside Melody. When we were both finished, I opened the driver's door and sat down on my seat while he did the same on the passenger seat. I took the keys and started the engine. 

As I was still curious as to how my car was able to arrive in the hospital and how I was rushed to the hospital, I looked at Jiyong and mustered up my courage to ask, "How did my car get here?" Jiyong chuckled and said, "Well, first of all... I didn't know what to do when you fainted at your house. I just asked Mi Yong if you had a car, and without thinking, I drove you to the nearest hospital not knowing where I was going." I was touched, then again, I have to control what my emotions are showing.

"But you don't have an international license, Jiyong. That's illegal. You could have been charged." I told him and he just smiled and looked down. "Choosing between your health and getting charged? I'd rather risk that than risk your health." I softened. I looked down on my hands and shook it off. I cleared my throat and didn't respond back. I straightened myself and saw him staring at me. 

I drove off and as I was driving, I couldn't help but think about the possibilities that are going to happen to us. 

Is Jiyong going back to Korea?

Is he going to stay here with us?

Are we going to talk seriously this time?

There were a lot of questions that I wanted to know the answer of, but it wasn't that easy to get the answer. After driving for twenty minutes, we arrived at our little humble home. I shut the engine off and got out of the car. I opened Mi Yong's door and saw her fast asleep while her head was hanging. I chuckled softly and unbuckled her from her seat belt and carried her. Jiyong immediately saw me and frowned, "You're not supposed to carry anyone or anything." I shook my head and said, "I'm fine." 

Though the scar I have from giving birth to Melody hurts when I carried Mi yong, I didn't mind.