CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: like replaced by hatred

It's been a week and I'm still jumpy with the boys. I keep telling myself not to be obvious but I'm already trying my best. My brother already apologized for his acts and I understand that he was just furious about my situation. He wanted to protect me but I refused to let him. I need to protect them. I need to protect myself and I will.

I got ready for school and since I got home from the hospital. I told Seunghyun that I don't want to burden him to pick me up every morning. Now, Mr. Kim drives me to school and it gives me time to think. Think how I'm going to get out of this. I am recieving treatment with my therapist. She's really nice and thoughtful. She said that I should avoid thinking about it and she gave me pills that can ease up my tension in my mind because most of the times I would end up having emotional breakdowns when something triggers it. I still don't know what triggers it but it's something. 

Mr. Kim drove me to school after I had breakfast. I was really quiet these days. I don't even talk much anymore. I became silent again and I don't want to change that. I felt like I had nothing to discuss with people. I distanced myself with Jiyong and Seunghyun as well but I can't help not to distance myself that much with Jiyong because he approaches me first. Not like Suenghyun who gives me space, at least I think so.

I tried approaching him so that I wouldn't be jumpy and he seemed fine but not as enthusiastic as he used to be. I wonder why, maybe because he was mad? Because he felt that I was distancing myself from him? I just can't help it.

I feel sorry for them since I distanced myself from them when they did nothing wrong. It's not my fault either, I just can't  help it either. I just don't know who to trust anymore.

I arrived at school and I got out, went to my locker and I saw Seunghyun. He was sitting at the bench where we always sit at. I approached him without shouting or anything, it makes me feel uncomfortable, so I just sat down beside him. Quietly. 

I cleared my throat and he still wasn't talking.

"S-seunghyun? Are you ok?" He looked at me with unreadable eyes.

"What do you think?" He said coldly. Why was he being like this?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm fine. I guess. How are things with you and your new best friend?" I creased my eyebrows and said, "What? New best friend? Who?"

What was he saying? New best friend? But I was right, he was mad about something. I'm just not sure why.

He scoffed and said, "Are you trying to kid around with me?" 

"Who are you referring to, Seunghyun-ah?" He looked at me.

"Do you really not know?" He shook my head, eyebrows still creased.

"Kwon to the Jiyong." I was shocked. Jiyong? How could he think like that. He's just a close friend. Was he jealous? 

"Are you jealous, Seunghyun-ah?" I asked him.

He scoffed again and said, "Me jealous?" 

"Seunghyun, you've got it all wrong.." I said sincerely.

"I've got it all wrong? About what? That you're avoiding me and you stick with Jiyong? What? Am I just an option to you? When he's not around, you find me? Like right now, you just came here when you're supposed to be with Jiyong. That's what you've been doing for the past week. You even told me that you didn't want to go with me every morning. What is this? Are you conning me, Min?" He said and I was really shocked. How could he think that?

"S-s-eunghyun, please. Just understand me. I'm not trying to avoid you. You're not an option. You're really special to me, Seunghyun. Can't you see that? I wouldn't be here if you weren't close to me. To me, I trust you more than anyone else. You're even the first to know my identity and I trusted you with that. Please, Seunghyun. Don't be mad." I touched his hands and he shoved it off.

"Whatever, Min. I don't care anymore. I'm sick and tired of people using me as an option. Just stick with Jiyong. When you get sick with him, don't even try to approach me. Maybe this was why you never had real friends. You use them and when you don't want to be friends with them anymore, you throw them away just in a snap. If you use Jiyong, I swear. I don't know what I'll do." His words, it hurted me. How can he think that? 

I didn't speak, I couldn't speak. I didn't know what to say and I'm too overwhelmed. A tear dropped into my hands and I just stayed quiet.

"So, you can't say anything? What I had said was all true then. You know what, I regret being friends with you. Just be sure not to hurt Jiyong or I'll hurt you." I looked at him with my watering eyes and I tried to call him but he just ignored me. 

What's happening, I tried to explain but why wouldn't he want to listen to me? He doesn't know how much I've gone through. I felt like I'm dirty, I'm dirtied with his cousin and I can't do