I was still awake when I felt Seunghyun go out of the bed. Where was he going? He couldn't sleep either? I mean, in our situation, ex lovers, in one bed. Isn't that a bit awkward but for the sake of us both being comfortable, I told him that it's ok for me to share a bed with him which is totally not. But I know Seunghyun, I know that I can trust him.

Suddenly, I felt someone staring at me, could it be Seunghyun? As much as I wanted to open my eyes, I couldn't because I don't want to be busted. Suddenly, I felt his hands my cheeks. I also felt him take strands of hair out of my face then said, "Why were you crying so hard? I hate seeing you cry. I don't know why you were crying but I promise that I will protect you. I know that I'm not in the place of protecting you but if you'll just let me." My heart melted right then and there but I have to keep these feelings. I don't want to get hurt again.

Call me selfish because I don't want to try our relationship once again, but I just don't want to feel these pains again. I'm not ready for it. Maybe when I'm alright, I guess I could try to fix everything, but will he wait for me? But then again, I don't want him to wait for me. He has a great life ahead of him, I don't want to block his great success and happy life. 

I slowly opened my eyes and stared at Seunghyun and said, "If I let you, are you sure that you're not going to let me hurt like I'm hurting now?" He furrowed his eyebrows. Probably confused with my statement. I just want to know his answer. I don't know why I asked him. If he says that he's not going to hurt me, will I be able to give him the chance? If he says no, then that's given. I just don't know. I'm confused. My heart is too full with pain, hatred and betrayal. Am I ready to face a new adventure and face new problems with Seunghyun again? We haven't even resolved our past feud. We just kind of skimmed through it then we broke up in just a snap.

"If I say yes, I'm sure that I'm not going to let you hurt like you're hurting now. I may not know why you're hurting but I'm damn sure that I'll do everything to make you happy. I might have made you unhappy before but at least give me a chance to make you  the happiest person in this world. Let me be the man who'll take care of you. Let me be the man who will claim your heart. Let me be the man who will love you like nobody else." My body softened with his words. I wanted to hug him but there's something that's holding me back, and that's the fact that I just had a break up. Especially with his Jiyong.

I smiled at Seunghyun softly and said, "Seunghyun, you know so well what I would answer to you right now, but I just can't bring myself to say the words you're expecting. Yes, I admit, I still have feelings for you but it doesn't mean that we have to get back together. I just forgave you, Seunghyun and right now, I don't know what to think. I'm in a situation where I'm so confused with the world. I don't know what's welling up inside because it's all mixed up. I'm feeling pain because of Jiyong. I'm feeling pain whenever I see you. I'm feeling numb because of what happened tonight and I numbed myself to keep myself sane whenever I'm around you. I keep using the same tactics over and over and I feel like I'm being repetitive that I think that I have to change the way I comfort myself. I need to be free, Seunghyun. For the mean time, just let me be myself for a few months or so. Don't worry, I'll keep my word. Someday, we'll talk about this again.. Well, that is if you are still up for it. But for the mean time, I want to fix myself again. I want to be whole again and I want to feel the happiness that I felt when I was alone. It's been a long time ever since I felt true happiness when I'm alone and not depending on someone. I just want to focus on the things that's practical, such as my career and my family. I feel like I've abandoned them with the happenings lately so, please. Just let me be. I know that you'll understand me and that's what I need the most." I told him truthfully and he just nodded and smiled at me.

"Don't worry, Christine. I understand you. There was no time that I didn't try to understand you. I knew your hardships and I appreciate the fact that you've voiced out what you feel to me. I feel relieved that you're opening up to me because seriously, when we weren't even talking for the months that we've broken up. I felt like I was suffocated by myself but I'm thankful that somehow, you talked to me. I know I caused you pain and I'm sorry. I truly regret it but believe me when I say that I've done it for your own good. I never played you, I would never want to. Whatever Jiyong has done to you tonight, I know that he regrets it. Don't burden yourself too much with problems, Christine. Be strong and don't let your miseries eat your whole being up. Arasso?" I nodded and smiled at him.

"Go back to sleep then. I know you're tired from all that crying." He stood up and walked to the couch, I furrowed my eyebrows. Was he going to sleep on the couch again? No, no.. I don't want to, I don't know why I want to be beside him at the moment but I'll let myself to be with him, just for tonight. I really need this, and I may be using him for tonight but I just need someone to comfort me. And he's the one who eased up my mind and heart. So, I grabbed his wrist and said, "Where are you going?" He looked at me and said, "Sleeping."

"Where? On the couch?" He nodded and I sighed.

"No you're not. I told you, It's okay if we sleep beside each other.." I shyly muttered. 

He chuckled and said, "Are you sure? Isn't it awkward for you? I mean, we're ex lovers and sleeping on the same bed isn't kind of appropriate?" I giggled and nodded. "It is but, what can we do? You sleeping on the couch will just result on a stiff neck, Seunghyun. Don't be stubborn and just sleep beside me." He sighed and nodded.

"Arasso. You really know how to convince me, Christine." I giggled once again and I felt light hearted when he lied down beside me. I turned to face him. I really don't know what I'm doing but I'm going to hate myself with my next step but what can you do? I can't help it. I mean, I still love the man. So, in result, I hugged him and he was obviously shocked with my move.

"C-c-c-hristine? What are you doing?" I nuzzled my head on his warm hard chest and hugged him tighter.

"Just let me be, Seunghyun. Just for tonight, please." I said, while embracing his warmth and comfort. I admit that I felt safe and secured with him, as always. I've never felt this way with Jiyong. Maybe because I loved Seunghyun more than Jiyong. I'm not saying that I didn't love Jiyong, I loved him but the pain he caused me lessened it. I don't even know when I'll be able to forgive him. I still need to hear his explanation but I don't want to hear it at the moment. I just want to enjoy this moment with Seunghyun. Nothing's wrong with what we're doing right? We love each other, but then again, I don't know if I'm just assuming.. Whatever, I'll do whatever I want tonight. I don't care anymore, but starting tomorrow, I'll try my hardest to change myself.

I'll be the new Christine that nobody has seen. I'll try to forgive and forget. I'll try to be happy as much as I can, I will try my best to get back on track. I promise that to myself.

"Mmm, arasso. Just for tonight." Slowly, his arms slowly s around my waist and held it tightly. I was in bliss. I was happy and I don't know what I'll do after today. Is it going to be awkward tomorrow for us?

"Seunghyun, after tonight, are we going to go back to the awkward us?" He chuckled and shook his head.

"I don't know, Christine. I don't want to though, but it really depends. I mean, I'm having the time of my life right now. I don't even want to think about what will happen after this. I just want to hold you like I did back then and stop the time." I sighed and looked through his eyes. I could see sincerity and I really really wanted to kiss him. And voila, I leaned in and kissed him.

I'm really crazy! What the heck am I doing? But whatever! I did say that I will do whatever I want tonight, and this might be a part of it? seunghyun was shocked with my sudden move but he responded to my kiss and kissed me back. We pulled back together to catch some air and we just stared at each other.

"What just happened?" Seunghyun asked and I giggled and blushed.

"I kissed you." I said straightforwardly.

"I know that.. I mean, why did you?" I shrugged my shoulders and stared at his beautiful eyes. It was still intense and it was full of sincerity. I could feel his love right here and when I kissed him, I felt shivers on my spine. I feel like I was electrified and my heart started to beat again. Was I falling in love with him all over again? Am I ready to fall in love fully with him again? I know this may be a partial sin but what can I do? I can't teach my heart who to love. 

"I don't know either. I was tempted? And maybe because I missed you." He gave me one of the sweetest smiles I've ever saw. In return, I smiled at him sweetly. "You missed me?" He asked.

I sighed and nodded, "Unfortunately, I did, Mr. Choi." He pouted.

"Why are you pouting?"

"What's so unfortunate with that? You saying that you miss me is like saying you still love me." My heart started to beat faster and I didn't know what to answer him. Was I ready to tell him that I still love him? No, I'm not yet ready. I want to clear things out first.

"I didn't say anything and is it bad to tell you I miss you? Huh?" He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"Whatever you're f