I was with Seunghyun at my room at home. I was just sitting at the floor since my floor is carpeted, he was beside me. I was on my stomach just browsing on my laptop. I was still thinking about what TOP said at the meeting. I couldn't absorb why he would want to, I thought he agreed to not spread it since it might hurt his career?

"Babe, what are you thinking of?" TOP snapped me back into my senses.

"Nothing, why? I'm just browsing here." I lied.

"Uhm, clearly you are lying, you've been staring at the desktop for who knows how long and you say you're browsing?" He raised an eyebrow and I looked at my laptop which I realized that I was just staring blankly at the desktop of my laptop while thinking.

"Oh, uhm.. I'm just thinking about what you said at the meeting. That's it. Don't worry about it." I don't really want to make a fuss over it.

"Ohh, I see but why?" 

"Well, I thought you didn't want our relationship to be public?"

"No, It's not that I didn't want it to be public. Remember, you told me that  you're scared of the media? What other people are going say? I realized that it would be better for us to have a private relationship rather than people being nosy and try to meddle with our lives but then at the meeting, I realized that it will also be better if we let them know that we are together." He smiled.

"Why would it be better?" I was curious, I didn't expect him to like it to be public.

"Because, if our relationship will be public, that means that people are slowly going to accept that I'm taken. I also want other BOYS, to know, that  you are taken by me. I don't want them flirting with my girl. You are mine. Nobody will try to snatch  you away from me because I will kill them." I laughed at what he said and he just stared at me seriously.

"I'm dead serious, Christine. I will snap their heads off if they try to steal you. I'm actually referring to Mark, but it also applies to other guys!" I knew that he was referring to Mark, that's why I laughed. There is definitely no way that I'm getting back together with Mark. NO WAY.

"Babe, I will definitely not get back together with Mark. I wouldn't even for a million dollars and besides, I'm contented with you. You do know that I love you right? And hey, I really like the fact that we are going public because that way, girls who look at you will realize that you are taken, by ME. Not them, I won't stop them from imagining you and them but I won't let them continue to flirt nor steal you away from me." Seunghyun smiled and I smiled at him too.

I rolled at the floor so that I would be facing the ceiling, I sighed deeply and Seunghyun rolled as well.

"Why?" I looked at him and saw him looking at me with intense eyes.

"Nothing, there's just a lot in my mind lately."

"What are those?"

"First of all, I can't believe Chrisa is pregnant with Seungri's baby. I mean, she's too young for that. She still has a career to handle, isn't it too harsh for her? I know I should be supporting her but I just can't help but to worry. She's an intelligent girl, I never expected this from  her. I'm not disappointed or anything, I just can't believe it."

Seunghyun chuckled and said, "I know, but it happened already. We can't do anything about it. I know Chrisa will do the right things from now on, just trust her and that panda, you should scold him." He laughed and I laughed.
 

"Maybe I should. It's his fault that Chrisa got pregnant.. Or they both wanted to do it? Uggh, I don't know." I got frustrated because Chrisa and I already talked about this, she even told me not to worry because she's not going to get pregnant, and here she is.

"Don't worry about it, Christine. It's their life. Just support your sister the best way you can." I just nodded and he moved closer to me and shifted his position so that he was facing me. His head was supported by his right arm and his left arm was around my waist. I shifted my position so that I would be facing him as well and we just looked into each other's eyes.

"Christine.." He called.

"Mmm?"

"I promise you that I will respect you for the rest of our lives. I know we haven't talked about that yet but this is a chance for us to talk about it seriously. We've been dating for four months and I know it's still early but I just want to know whether you're ready or not." I was shocked, got taken a back actually. I expected this day to come but not today. Grr, why did I open up this topic anyways? I have no choice.

I questioned myself, was I ready? Was I ready to open up to him? Are memories from the past going to come back when it happens? We will do it eventually but I hope I will be ready for it and that I'm fully recovered from the past. Should I tell him what happened to me back at Canada? Or should I wait until the right time has come?

"I know that you respect me and I appreciate that. Actually, you're 25 and I'm shocked you just bought this up now. I'm actually not yet sure if I'm ready, Seunghyun." He sighed and nodded.

He fixed his position and lied down again facing the ceiling.

I was confused as to why he sighed, "Why did you sigh? As if you were disappointed that I didn't say I was ready."

"It's not that, I don't know. I'm a guy too. I just keep controlling myself when I'm around you. When I touch you, that feeling, that urge to do it comes and then I have to control it. It's so hard, you know? Controlling myself." I knew he was frustrated because I can tell that he's trying to control hiself right now too.

"i'm sorry