Bleu
Finished on 10/5/2013

Fighting Love
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/488803/fighting-love-violence-king-love-jun-lc9-rasa-jhyo

About: AO(LC9)+OC, Rasa(LC9)+OC, violence, romance,  

Title: The title really said a lot about the story. It is really relevant to the story, but the title just doesn't really have a nice sound to it when you say it.

Foreword: I really wish you gave a description about the characters instead of just saying their names. In the description, I didn't like how you mostly started each sentence with "we". It sounds really repetitive. Besides that, the foreward is really good since it doesn't give out too much information about the story. I wish it was more exciting. It's just that when I first read your foreward, I didn't feel like I just HAD to read the story.

Plot: I liked how you kept switching from Kim Soo Ri's POV and Park Sae Ni's POV. The story gets a bit confusing as it goes on though. The plot is really good, it is reather unique compared to other stories. It is not cliche at all, but it is a bit too mary sue. Although I wish there was more of a twist in the story since starting from the first chapter, I had already predicted that Soo Ri would end up falling in love with AO. I also enjoyed how you named your chapters, and it didn't reveal too much of the content inside. The chapter names also made you want to read more. I specifically loved the cliffhanger you wrote in chapter 2; it really gave me an adrenaline rush.

Characters: 20/25 You did really amazing with presenting the characters' varied personalities. I like how every character has a unique personality. I kinda wish you expanded more about the other members in LC9 though. I felt like there was too much action, and it overpowered the characters causing them to be less important. Also, the relationship between Soo Ri and AO developed too fast.

Grammar and Spelling: In the foreward there is a spelling mistake, you wrote "an people", and I believe it should be "and people". I feel like you put way too many periods. I think you should combine some of your sentences with a comma or a conjunction word like 'and'. There are a lot of grammar mistakes; either you forgot to put a comma after a person is done talking, or you started a sentence with but or and, which you never should. There are also a lot of spelling errors, I recommend that you should proofread your chapters every now and then.

Flow: The flow was a bit too fast. I kinda wish there wasn't a kiss scene already in chapter 2. Besides from that, the and conflict went by pretty smoothly. You gave lots of details about the imporant moments, good job. Also, the relationship between Soo Ri and AO developed way too fast.

Overall: 74/100 The story is really unique and I enjoyed it, but I really wish you would proofread your chapters before you submit them. There are just way too many grammar and spelling mistakes.

Reply: Thank u Bleu for the review, your right I do make a lot of mistakesmistakes and I like how you didn't pull back to be super hard. Thanks for the review and I will credit you guys once I get home :)