Katrina 
Finished on 9/28/2013

My Angel by baeeeya
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/544322/my-angel-angst-romance-tragedy-exo-kai

About: Kai(Exo)+OC, high school, romance

Title: 4/5 The title is okay. I wish there were some more unique words in it. If I were to look at it without reading the story, I would think it would be too cliché.

Foreword: 8/10 I really like how your description makes me interested in your story, and it gives off that mysterious vibe. However, the description is a bit too cliche and redundant with each sentence starting with "he" in the description of Kim Jong In. The fore is very amusing and it makes me want to keep reading.

Plot: 23/25 The plot makes me just want to keep reading the story. I really like how you emphasize the quote,"You should enjoy your life while you can still can, since it's short." I also like how in the first few chapters, you went back and forth from Kim Jong In's point of view and Jung Ella's, instead of having it all one character's point of view. Surprisingly, you hooked me already when I only read the first two chapters. I also enjoyed how your chapter names represent repetition, but I wish they had more interesting words instead of "Getting To Know", "Being", or "Meeting". I wish you put more details in the settings because it seems that you focus too much on the dialogue and their actions.

Characters: 20/25 I really like how Jong In and Ella's relationship evolves throughout the story. Although, I do find their personalities way too cliche because at first Kim Jong In didn't really care about Ella, but he ends up falling in love with her, like in many other fanfics. Also, the characters just fall in love way too early.

Grammar and Spelling: 16/20 There weren't any spelling mistakes at all. Amazing job considering that English is your second language and all. Although there are a few grammar mistakes. Also, there are too many sentences starting with "I", "He", "She", etc. Also, there are a few times when you start off a paragraph in past tense when it should have been present tense.

Flow: 9/15 The story started off with a amazing flow in chapter one and two, but then it just went downhill. Kim Jong In and Jung Ella fell in love way too early for me. They barely knew each other and to top it off, Jong In didn't really care a lot about her in chapter one. Then suddenly in chapter four, he confesses to Ella. I think the plot went by way too fast.

Overall: 80/100 This story is rather cliche, but you just can't stop reading it for some reason. Right when I started chapter one, I knew I had to keep reading. I really wish you slowed down and described more details instead of having them confess so early in the story.

Reply: Thanks for the review, Katrina! Thank you very much! I appreciate it. :D 

Redo #1

Katrina
Finished on 12/1/2013

My Angel
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/544322/my-angel-angst-romance-tragedy-exo-kai

About: Kai(EXO)+OC, angst, romance, tragedy

Title 3/5 The title doesn't give out too much of the story. It gives the readers just the right amount of information. Although, if I saw this title without any knowledge about the story at all, I would believe that this story is really cliche.

Foreword 6/10 The first paragraph of the description is pure beauty. It gives the readers an idea of what the story will be about. Although, the description is really cliché. The foreword is well written. It really gives the readers the adrenaline rush to keep reading–which it seems that you do really well of. Also, I feel like your description of Kim Jong In is way too redundant– since all of the sentences start with “He”.

In the description, you started off with a past tense, but then you went to another tense. . .

❁ “That is how I viewed life. I hate living in this cruel world. A world where everything is unfair. But then, All of it started to change when I met her. My Angel.” should be “That is how I viewed life. I hated living in this cruel world. A world where everything was unfair. But then, all of it starts to change when I meet her. My Angel.”

Plot 15/20 The plot really makes my adrenaline rush. One of my favorite lines in the story is when you emphasized this quote,”You should enjoy your life while you still can, since it's short.” You used this line as a symbolism between the two characters–which made this story deeper and more emotional. I also like how you switched from Jong In's point of view and Jung Ella's; this is really creative cause in some situations, the readers want to know how the other characters feel as well. I feel like you don't put enough details in the settings, and you're too focused on the dialogue and their actions. Speaking of their actions, you should look up for more synonyms since you usually start a sentence or action with “He did/She did”. Also, another thing I disliked about this plot is that it's too cliché. There weren't any plot twisters since I pretty much predicted most of the events as I kept reading. Also, the idea of a boy finding a girl that changes his life is really common.

Characters 15/20 I really like how Jong In and Ella's relationship evolves throughout the story. The personalities are way too cliché, at first Kim Jong In didn't really care about Ella one bit, but he ended up falling in love with her– like in many other fanfics. Also, the characters fell in love way too early, but I’ll explain more about this in the flow section.

Grammar and Spelling 14/20 You do a really good job at proofreading your stories. No spelling errors at all besides the foreword. Good job considering the fact that English is not your first language. Although, the one pet peeve I have against this writing is the fact that you start sentences with “I”, “He”, “She”. This is too straightforward and boring! I suggest finding synonyms or adding more details of the settings–which you seem to lack. You also have a lot of run on sentences, I suggest either adding commas, separating the sentences, or adding dashes. There are a few times when you start off a paragraph in past tense when it clearly should have been present tense.

❁ In chapter one you wrote, “I kicked his stomach which caused him to fall on the ground in pain. He was now laying down on the ground, while clutching onto his stomach.” should be “Quickly, I kicked his stomach, causing him to fall on the ground with fierce pain. I took a quick glance at him; he was laying down on the ground, clutching onto his stomach.”

❁ In chapter four you wrote, “I think we went to every single booth there and she won so many prices.” should be “I'm pretty sure we went to every single booth there were, and she won so many prizes as well.”

Flow 9/15 When I first started reading this story, there was an amazing flow in chapter one and two, but then it just went downhill. I don't know if you were rushing or something, but the flow really changed from nice and slow to confusing and fast. Kim Jong In and Jung Ella fell in love with each other way too fast for me. In chapter one they barely talked to each other and to top if off, Jong In didn't even care about her, let alone know her. Then suddenly in chapter four, he confesses to Ella. I think the relationship between those two went by way too fast.

Enjoyment 4/5 I really enjoyed reading this story; it was really cute and adorable. I really liked how you started this story. It was also really easy to read since you wrote it really neatly. I would have given you full points if only it wasn't so cliché.

Structure 4/5 This story is really neat, and I loved how you used repetition on your chapter names. Although, I really wished you used a different font and font color when you switched point of views. Also, your paragraph spacings are too widespread. There are some that have barely enough spacing, and then there are others with 3 lines of spacing.

Overall 70/100 This story was well written, but I really wish you slowed down a bit. Also, this story is too cliché.

Reply: Thanks for the redo! :D Really appreciate it. :D