Bleu
Finished on 12/11/2013

You're My Saving Grace
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/580652/you-re-my-saving-grace-bullying-oneshot-woohyun

About: Woohyun(Infinite)+OC, oneshot, bullying, highschool

Title 4/5– The title is really relevant to the story, and it's something I've never seen before. Although, I really wish you could have somehow worded it differently. I suggest something like,”You're my Savior”, or something along those lines. I really like how this title didn't give out too much or too little information. It also gave the readers a hint, that someone was going to save Min Ji–from the cruel world she lived in. I don't really feel like there's a point for there to be a period in the title.

Foreword 8/10– The foreword gave us readers the right amount of description. Like in Goldilocks, if you had added more, it would be too much, and if you didn't add as much, there would be too little. Instead though, you added the right amount–which made us readers entranced to the story. I don't know if it's the font size or the paragraph spacings fault, but the format just seems too 'uncomfortable' to me. Also, there were a few grammar mistakes in the description such as...

❁ “I was silenced. Nobody heard me. But that day, everything changes.” should be,”I was silenced. Nobody could hear me. But on that day, everything had changed.”

Plot 15/20– I really like how you began the story, it really gave us readers a glimpse of how Min Ji's daily life was. I really felt like it was me in Min Ji's place, being bullied and all. I couldn't help but feel horrible for Min Ji–you're story really made me feel as if I was there myself. I really love the topic you chose, although it is rather cliché. I feel like stories with this topic, always makes the readers feel as if they were being bullied themselves. I'm pretty sure, most of us here, have gone through the phase of being bullied once in their life–which makes us feel more entranced into the story. The only thing I didn't like about this story was that you really rushed through the story. You started off with a good flow, but then you sped up throughout the and ending. I really wanted to know more about Woohyun. I also feel like you skipped a rather important event in the story. How come Woohyun knew and fell in love with Min Ji in the first place?

Characters 14/20–I like how Min Ji isn't one of those 'perfect' girls. Also, was Woohyun a kingka? Not much was revealed about Woohyun, which I had assumed he would be one of the main characters. I feel like you could have done so much more with Min Ji's life. I mean, you could have explained more about how Min Ji's family thought about this. Did she hide the fact she was being bullied from them? Not much character development were revealed. You really left the readers at an endless route, you didn't explain much about Min Ji and Woohyun's relationship–besides from the fact he saved her, and could possibly be in love with her. Like I said before, you could have done so much more with your characters.

Grammar and Spelling 13/20– Personally, I feel like you should stay away from starting a sentence with the word 'I'. I noticed that your writing style is rather straight forward. There isn't much emotion in your character's actions. Also, you have many grammar mistakes, I suggest adding more articles. I noticed that you tried adding some deep metaphors into your story, they were well written, but you didn't execute them properly. These mistakes include..

❁ “It was a fresh, frosty morning outside the school. And how I wish I am outside. School, just another hell I have to be again. A hell in everyday life...I felt on drowning. Drowning so deep, I can't even reach back to the surface. They pulled me so deep, I can't move anymore.” should be, ”It was a fresh, frosty morning outside the school perimeters. How I wished I could be outside instead of being here. School, just another name for hell. Instead, this one wasn't the type you go after death; it was the type that was in my everyday life...I felt like I was drowning. Drowning deeper as time passed, I couldn't reach the surface any longer. They pulled me in so deep that I couldn't move anymore.”

❁ “My feet were tied with invisible ropes. Those that came from fear inside me. I fixed my jacket sleeve, trying to cover in case they attack me again, and to act as normal as possible. So many scars from their beatings, scratching, pulling, and even kicking. I tried to bear the pain, but I just can't.” should be,”My feet were tied with invisible ropes made from the fear deep inside of me. I fixed my jacket sleeve, trying to blend in with the crowd in case they attacked me again. I made sure to act as normal as possible, just hoping that today they wouldn't target me. So many scars still remained from their beatings; scratching, pulling, and even kicking. I tried to bear with this pain, but I just couldn't.”

❁ “I closed my eyes. They start to beat me up like usual, slapped my cheek, and open my jacket(she still wear a shirt inside.), and start to scratch my skin with those nails. Can't they ever bear the pain I got? Have they ever try doing it to themselves? Why can't I scream? Why can't I fight back?” should be,” I closed my eyes...They started to beat me up like usual–they slapped my cheeks and ripped open my jacket, which revealed my shirt. Pain me as they scratched my skin with their nails. Could they ever bear the pain I felt? Had they ever thought about someone doing this to them instead? Why couldn't I ever scream? Why couldn't I ever fight back?

Enjoyment 3/5– I really liked the plot, I don't know why but these type of plots make me entranced to the story. Your writing style made me feel as if I was in Min Ji's shoes. I was really disappointed on how you ended the story though–it felt really rushed.

Structure 3/5– The sentence and paragraph spacings are way too wide. I noticed you tried to make that dramatic effect in the end, but could you do it without that much space? Also, I feel like your font size is a bit too big...

Overall 60/85=71/100–This plot makes the readers feel as if they were in Min Ji's shoes. You did a good job giving us a glimpse of Min Ji's daily life. You could have done so much more with the character development though. I suggest you read your sentences out loud and think to yourself, does this make sense or not?

Reply: Thanks for the review ! Not bad for first time, although I had to admit, it was a bit rushed, and I didn't explain Woohyun a lot :( Now, the awkward moment is, that I was studying for exam at school while reading this, and the friend next to me was the girl based on the story :s oh well, she didn't know. She is the quietest person in school. It's hard to speak with her. Anyway, guess I'm kinda terrible in characters, and spacing :s but still, a large thanks from me :D