Katrina
Finished 12/19/2013

Telling Chunji Goodbye
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/596779/telling-chunji-goodbye-angst-chunjoe-teentop-

About: Chunji(Teentop)+L.Joe(Teentop), angst, illness, romance, fluff

Title: 4/5 Your title seems a bit too vague, and it gives away so much of the story. Maybe a simpler title like 'Saying Goodbye' would be better.

Foreword: 7/10 If you're going to put up pictures of the characters, then you should include descriptions of them. You should describe their role in the story briefly instead of just leaving their pictures there. Also, you description of the story gives away a lot of the story, and it is too detailed. It's just a small summary, so it doesn't have to be very long. For example: '

Chunji and L.joe, the flawless couple that everyone is jealous of.
They rarely fight because their bond is so great, until Chunji suddenly comes down with an unknown illness.
When the results get back, their perfect world is shattered.

Plot: 15/20 It really isn't that original. There are many stories exactly like yours. It feels like you didn't put much thought into making this; like you only wrote this because you wanted a Chunjoe story but couldn't think of any other plots.

Characters: 16/20 I feel like Chunji and L.Joe act too happy for a couple that had stayed together for so long. They act so cute around each other, with all the pouting and blushing, and it feels fake, like they are forcing themselves to act that way. You should tone down the love and add some roughness to the way they treat each other.

Grammar and Spelling: 16/20 Stick to one tense only. If you start off with present tense, stay with it instead of jumping to past tense. Sometimes, you add a bit of a first-person POV part to the story, like when you write "I" instead of 'he'. Also, only one person should speak in each paragraph.

In chapter one, "When the couple was at home, all they did was work the assess off." should be 'When the couple was home, all they did was work their asses off.'
2. "The only thing that made it better was the fact that Chanhee. and his mother cared for him a lot." should be 'The only ting that made it better was the fact that Chanhee and his mother cared for him a lot.'
3. "The initial response from many people were disapproving." should be 'The initial response from many people was disapproval.'
4. "Love is love. Eventually, everyonone began to support the two, especially Chanhee's mother." Why did everyone start supporting them? Write a sentence or two describing why everyone changed their minds like, 'After everyone saw how happy they were, they began to support the two, despite their initial hostility.'

In chapter two, "He took slow steps towards the school gate and his eyes fitted around, only to see his boyfriend running towads him." should be 'He took slow steps towards the school gate while he gazed around until he stopped at the sight of his boyfriend running towards him.'
2. "Chnahee covered his face with his hands." should be 'Chanhee covered his face with his hands.'
3. "...Chanhee ran like a little kid to the refridgerator, piling out every necessary ingredient for the cake." should be '...Chanhee ran like a little kid to the refrigerator, pulling out every ingredient necessary for the cake.'
4. "...while Chanhee wipred away the food coloring and cream off of himself." should be '...while Chanhee wiped the food coloring and cream off of himself.'

In chapter three, "The sun rays hits my face as I stretched and yawn, feeling sleepy." should be 'The sun's rays hit my face as I stretched and yawned, still feeling sleepy.'

In chapter four, "Haissh." should be 'Aigoo.' or something because "Haissh" isn't a word, and many readers wouldn't know how to pronounce it.
2. "It's started to get worse as the days passed by." should be 'It started to get worse as the days passed by.'

In chapter five, "But he isn't okay and cried out in pain." should be 'He isn't okay though, and he keeps crying out in pain.'
2. "It's being a week." should be 'It has been a week.'
3. "Prescribed me with some bunch of antibiotics?" should be "Prescribe me with a bunch of antibiotics?"
4. "...then wait for the insurance comply to reimburse her." should be "...then wait for the insurance company to reimburse her."
5. "Just to let you know, he was the missing piece to my puzzle." should be 'He was the missing piece to my puzzle.'

Flow: 13/15 Your story focuses on only one thing; Chunji and L.Joe's relationship. There aren't any other events that spices up the story. Even if this is not a drama, you should still add some background stories to get the story moving since it's too flat.

Enjoyment: 4/5 It is enjoyable, though I prefer more angsty stories. I feel like this is more of a fluff than an angst, in contrast to what you labelled it as. The plot is a bit light and cute. I just feel like everything is so staged, especially the characters' feelings.

Structure: 4/5 Your chapters are too short. Try adding more events or details to make it longer.

Overall: 79/100 In total, your story is nice, but many things seem so exaggerated, like Chunji and L.Joe's love for each other. They express it too much to be realistic, especially since they have been together for so long. I don't like how the story only focuses on them. You should add some background plots. Otherwise, your grammar and spelling are pretty good, except for a few mistakes.

Reply: Thanks for the review! (: