Katrina
Finished on 11/4/2013

The Butterfly's Guidance
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/576339/the-butterfly-s-guidance-changmin-dbsk-jaejoong-junsu-oneshot-yoochun-yunho

About: DBSK, frienship, world destruction, butterfly, fantasy, hope, oneshot

Title: 5/5 Short, sweet, and to the point. It indicates the power a single butterfly has to guide five lost men back together to save the world.

Foreword: 10/10 Perfect. With a short description of the butterfly's abilty to save everything and then the prologue to introduce the basic plot of the story,  this is a flawless foreword.

Plot: 23/25 The idea is unique, being sweet and hopeful with a hint of angst, but I feel you need to include some background information about what TVXQ are, like are they witches or vampires, and how the world ended up as a wasteland. You are kind of giving off the idea of humans being too obsessed with material desires and then destroying the world over their pursuit for happiness and fulfillment, but that is only a vague idea. I feel you should include a little tiny bit of information about how the world ended up like this, what kind of people are living there - because we can tell TVXQ are not normal humans - and how can they save the world from further destruction.

Characters: 24/25 I don't really understand the relationship between Jaejoong and the butterfly. Who is the one with the power to send messages and hope to others? Is it the butterfly's own magic complying to Jaejoong's desire or is Jaejoong placing his magic into the butterfly, sending it off to rescue his friends and other lost people? At the end, it seems everyone has their own butterfly, meaning the butterfly is part of Jaejoong, so you should've wrote "Jaejoong reached out to his butterfly" instead of 'the' butterfly, so you can show that the butterfly is part of him.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 You have a vast vocabulary, but you sometimes switch from past tense to future tense. Also, along the story, there is one sentence when you wrote in first-person POV: "We didn't win a war..." Since you had been writing in third-person, you should stick to that and write "They didn't win a war..." instead.

Overall: 80/85=94 Very detailed with a lot of advanced vocabulary, a unique plot, and a special bond being showcased, this is a nearly flawless story. You just need to stick to one tense and add some background story.

Redo #1

Katrina
Finished ?/?/13

The Butterfly's Guidance
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/576339/the-butterfly-s-guidance-changmin-dbsk-jaejoong-junsu-oneshot-yoochun-yunho

About: DBSK, oneshot friendship, reunion, butterfly, world destruction, fantasy, hope

Title: 5/5 Short, simple, and eye-catching. It relates to the story completely.

Foreword: 9/10 From "One man still stood amongst this downcast..." everything should be in either only present tense or past tense. Because you use past tense first but then change to present tense in "He's the only one standing and he knows this fact..." Since this is a prologue, not a description, the tense should match the story's.

Plot: 20/20 The plot is perfect and unique. I've never seen another story like yours. The way you piece things together so perfectly is amazing. 

Characters: 20/20 After reading your prologue, I now understand the relationship between the members clearly, and I can see the fear and sadness between them all. 

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 In one of the very last sentences, "It symbolizes resurrection..." should be 'It symbolized resurrection..." Other then that, everything else is perfect. You use a lot of vivid details and a vast vocabulary to bring the story together.

Enjoyment: 5/5 The way you use your vocabulary, arrange your details and the overall plot, brings the story to life, and we can feel what the characters are feeling as a result.

Structure: 4/5 The lyrics in the end came in kind of randomly. I would suggest you split it up and spread it around the story instead of focusing it all at the end.

Overall: 82/85=96 The story of the reunion of five friends on their way to change the destroyed world back into its peaceful, thriving time. Amazing story with nearly flawless grammar.

Reply: Thanks for the review! I'll try to fix up the mistakes on the tenses and add in more background story. I've already credited you in the forewords :)