Ahri
Finished 1/22/2014

Meet the es
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/500227/meet-the-es-dbsk-infinite-shinee-ukiss-superjunior15-exo12

About: Kai(Exo)+3OCs, Kris (Exo), Kyuhyun(SUJU), crack, high school,

Title: 5/5 I like how your title is eye-catching and relates to the story a lot.

Foreword: 10/10 Your foreword is really funny and interesting, but I would suggest you write everything in present tense because there are two words or so that are in past tense. Otherwise, everything else is perfect for this crack fic.

Plot: 18/20 I understand that this is crack, but still, there isn't a good, solid plot to rely on. The whole story is all over the place without any strong bindings. It's like the whole story could end any moment since everything's random and has nothing to do with one another. From your foreword, I thought this story would be more of a love triangle between Kai and the three girls, but nothing has happened yet. It's just pure randomness so far, and Kai hasn't even done anything major yet.

Characters: 17/20 Though this sounds a bit racist, I'm just confused. Why are the girls' families Asian, but their names are not? You should elaborate on that or give a reason for it. Otherwise, the characters are pretty funny but a bit too random at times. There are some moments where they're just ridiculous, not funny. Try to keep everything in check instead of letting go and making everything too crazy.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 You switch from past to present tense a few times though it's mostly the words "may" and "has" that are changed. There are also many times where you write "your" instead of 'you're' and vice versa. Otherwise, you grammar and spelling are pretty okay.

Chapter two, P(aragraph)44 "Sungmin was cut short when the window of their classroom." should be 'Sungmin was cut short when the window of their classroom opened suddenly.'

Flow: 13/15 It's much too slow. While I do understand that this story is supposed to be random and all, you should still at least have an outline of a plot. There's nothing so far concerning Kai or any development.

Enjoyment: 4/5 It is funny and really entertaining, but there's no solid plot for me to look for.

Structure: 4/5 In chapter three, you basically took the second half of chapter two and placed it there. It seems like you're trying to get a flashback but taking everything word by word is too much.

Overall: 89/100 Good comedy and great job for not having any spelling mistakes, but I don't like how there isn't any strong point to the story that is keeping my interest. It's really funny sometimes, but then some of the events are too much that it becomes too crazy.

Reply: I've read the review and it's fine, I don't need a redo so don't stress so much :D Haha yeah, I agree with you I do have a problem with run-off sentences, I'm still working on it :) I've also read the other review and yeah hahah I agree it's a bit all over the place since it's just a ball of randomness :) Anyway, I'll post up the credit a little bit later :) Thanks so much for the review :D