Roseline
Finished 12/2/2013

The Prince & the Servant
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/574659/the-prince-the-servant-2min-jongkey-romance-shinee--exo-baekyeol

About: Jonghyun(SHINee)+Key(SHINee), Minho(SHINee)+Taemin(SHINee), Baekhyun(Exo)+Chanyeol(Exo), , romance, prince and servant, drama

Title: 4/5 While I like your use of '&' in your title, I feel it's too ordinary. Yes, it is eye-catching, but not really special. I would suggest 'Royal Affairs', 'Forbidden', etc.

Foreword: 7/10 I suggest that you place the author note and Korean translations below the actual description of the story. I'm glad you added some translations because I know many stories where the authors just add in random foreign words that the readers usually have to search up in a dictionary. In your description, "brunette" is actually 'brunet' because Key is male so the 'te' at the end is dropped. Also, when you describes the relationships, try adding space between each coupling to make it neater. I personally prefer characters to be listed and described in the foreword, not chapter one, but that is just my own opinion. As for describing the characters, you should write them out in paragraph form instead of just listing their age. job, etc. What will happen to them and their personality should be kept hidden because that is giving away too much of the story. I don't understand why you have to list out the chapters the characters will appear in, because the readers can see the characters as they read on. You also state that Jonghyun will be put to the test when he gets hired in the foreword, making it seem as if the story will start on the time when he first got hired, but your story starts way after that. You should fix that part, so that it matches with the current timeline.

Plot: 20/20 I love how you don't just focus on the cliché relationship of the prince and the servant, but others as well, creating a whole world of drama and romance that binds the story together.

Characters: 18/20 While it is interesting to have the royalty treat Jonghyun better than how servants are usually treated, you didn't add a specific reason for it. What does Jonghyun have that the other servants don't have, besides Key's love? Why does Onew and the others treat him better, even if Key told them to? If a prince ordered his father to treat a simple servant better, the king would usually go on a rage, so you should describe how exactly did Jonghyun get the king and the other princes to accept him.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 You don't really have a lot of grammar mistakes, just mostly spelling mistakes.

In chapter one, "His room was covered in red paint, his bed posts stretched all the way to the ceiling, his bed was much bigger than a king size bed, covered in satin sheets;" should be 'His room was covered in red paint, his bedposts stretched all the way to the ceiling, and his bed, itself, was much bigger than a king size bed and was covered in satin sheets;'
2. When describing a male, brunette should be brunet.

In chapter two, "He could hear the haste footsteps rushing towards him." should be 'He could hear the hasty footsteps rushing towards him.'

In chapter four, "Oh yeah *removes shirt* Here you go." should be "Oh yeah," Chanyeol mumbled and removed his shirt. "Here you go."
2. "Baekhyun had did as his master told him to and asked Taemin to attend dinner with Kai Wangja." should be 'Baekhyun had done as his master told him to and asked Taemin to attend dinner with Kai Wangja.'
3. "Baekhyun smiled and replied great. I'm sure Kai Wangja will be excited." should be 'Baekhyun smiled and replied, "Great. I'm sure Kai Wangja will be excited."
4. "Why would I be running away from you? Why would I-*kiss*" should be "Why would I be running away from you? Why would I-" He was cut off as Chanyeol kissed him.'
5. "...It that it's taken me this long to realize." should be "...It that it has taken me this long to realize."

In chapter five, "Yes, Minho Wangja of Incheon was the colporate." should be 'Yes, Minho Wangja of Incheon was the culprit.'
2. "...he had gold eyes and they stared at Taemin intreegly." should be '...he had gold eyes that stared at Taemin intriguingly.'
3. "...I can't ell the king what to do." should be '...I can't tell the king what to do.'

Flow: 13/15 The couples you have are falling in love with each other too early. Baekhyun and Chanyeol just met each other, and I understand their instant connection, but I don't like how by the next chapter, Chanyeol already decides that he wants Baekhyun.

Enjoyment: 5/5 I love the way you link their relationships together, creating almost a dramatical play. You keep us on edge with each chapter.

Structure: 5/5 Perhaps it's the font that makes your story look uncluttered, but I like how it's put together.

Overall: 95/100 The story of a secret society within a kingdom and the forbidden love of a prince and his servant, the unrequited love of a man and a prince, and the cute romance between two workers. The story is amazing, but there are a few spelling mistakes.

Reply: I've received my review and will fix whatever I have to. Thank you so much. XD