No Credit

Katrina
Finished 12/11/2013

Picturesque Supernova
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/586743/picturesque-supernova-horror-psychological-snsd-taeyeon-zelo-bap-suspence

About: Zelo(BAP), Taeyeon(SNSD), psychological, insanity, horror, gore, character death, beauty, bulimia, cutting

Title: 5/5 I see what you did there. Picturesque, meaning visually beautiful, and supernova, meaning a star that suddenly increases in brightness because of an explosion that ejects most of its mass. Picturesque refers to Zelo wanting to become visually flawless, and supernova refers to him trying to become more beautiful (or brighter) and then becoming bulimic and ejecting his mass. Then, he eventually destroys himself. This is probably not your interpretation of supernova, but it makes sense in a way.

Foreword: 10/10 It is organized, gives a glimpse of the horror about to come, and hooks the viewers into looking at it.

Plot: 19/20 Horror filled to the brim, this story is the epitome of gore and the dark side of human nature. It illustrates the expectations of humans to be perfect and how the pressure of that can severely change a boy into a monster. However, the mirror’s abilities are a bit vague. Try to specify whether the mirror has powers in which the viewer sees themselves as ugly. For example, I would suggest that at the end of the story, add something about the mirror being separated from Zelo and then being found by another person. Kind of like a twist or spin-off about another person’s journey to self-disfigurement and the power of the mirror. Also, the old woman's a bit too common, and this is just my personal opinion, but you should change her to another person like a strange man in a tuxedo or something.

Characters: 20/20 Zelo, in particular, is sculptured in a way where the readers can feel the sadistic nature of him and feel scared. It makes the readers think “I’m glad I’m not Taeyeon” or I’m glad there’s not another Zelo near me.”

Grammar and Spelling: 19/20 You keep jumping from past tense to present tense at times. You should stick to one tense only, and it seems your main tense is in past, so stay with that. Another thing, you sometimes have two people speaking in one paragraph. You should separate them, because only one person should speak in each paragraph. Otherwise, perfect spelling. I love how you use simple vocabulary instead of complex words to bring the story to life.

Enjoyment: 5/5 You aren’t afraid to write out and describe all the details of the moments of insanity Zelo has, such as taking Taeyeon’s face and making it his own. 

Structure: 5/5 Everything is positioned neatly. There is nothing messy or out of place.

Overall: 83/85=98 The greed for flawlessness, the desire to be equal to others, and the consequences of seeking those is emphasized in the story. Perfect spelling, well-described characters, and a well-planned plot, this story is amazing.

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