Ahri
Finished 1/11/2014

The Person Who Once Loved Me & (Sequel) The Person Who Still Loves Me?
https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/500342/the-person-who-once-loved-me-donghae-eunhae-eunhyuk-oneshot-suju-superjunior-love

About: Donghae(SUJU)+Eunhyuk(SUJU), romance, , oneshot, sequel, angst, breakup, reunion

Title: 4/5 While it is a fitting title, and it's also quite original, it's really lengthy. Maybe you should try shortening it to 'He Onced Loved Me' or something like that. As for the second title, it could be 'He Still Loves Me?'

Foreword: 9/10 Overall, the foreword is neat and nicely presented, and I love your extract, but the last two sentences in the foreword contain grammar mistakes. "But that are only his thoughts. How is Eunhyuk thinking?" should 'But those are only his thoughts. What is Eunhyuk thinking?'

Plot: 20/20 This plot is cliché, but the way you write it with all these details and the twist at the end makes up for it comepletely. This new plot that you have created is amazing. I love how you include the end of how they get married and then you even write out Eunhyuk's death.

Characters: 18/20 While I love Eunhyuk and Donghae, I feel that at the end, you forgot all about MinJee. What happened to her? How did she and Donghae break up? Was she angry? While I was reading the part where Eunhyuk and Donghae gets reunited, I kept thinking, what is going to happen when MinJee finds out? What is she going to do? It's almost like she just disappeared completely, like she wasn't even there in the beginning.

Grammar and Spelling: 18/20 So there are a few times, like when Donghae is asking questions about Eunhyuk's current life, it's in present tense. Try to keep those in past tense, even though it feels weird. However, in the sequel, you switch to present tense a lot of times. The most common words you switched are "think, are, am, love".

In chapter one, P(aragraph)14 "...I would give you a firm hugh and never let you go." should be '...I would give you a firm hug and never let you go.'

In chapter two, P15 "Since we both had breaked off..." should be 'Since we both had broken up...'
2. P15 "You didn't had to notice me." should be 'You didn't have to notice me.'
3. P19 "...but you was the only one who was allowed to drink them." should be '...but you were the only one who was allowed to drink them.'
4. P28 "Did really only pass over three years since we broke up?" should be 'Had it really only been three years since we broke up?'
5. P28 "It seemed like the infinity to me." should be 'It seemed like infinity to me.'

Enjoyment: 5/5 The plot is simply beautiful. The twists, events, and details all line up together to form a perfect work of writing.

Structure: 5/5 Everything is neat and well-spaced. I also like how you added the sequel to the same story instead of starting another one.

Overall: 79/85=93 This is one of the best story I've ever read. It's so angsty yet so fluffy at the same time. The only thing I don't like is how MinJee vanishes at the end and how you tend to switch your tenses.

Reply: Hey, thank you very much for the review! I was so happy while reading it O_O *^* I really didn't think, that it would get that much points *-* So first, you're right, the title is really long but I still keep it, since I really like it :) And no, I din't forget MinJee, but I didn't know, how to tell the readers about her.. Okay, it's hard for me, to explain, but I'll try xD. Since Eunhyuk is dying in the end and forgot all the memories he had with Donghae, Donghae of course wants to utilize the little time which is remaining, to tell Eunhyuk about their life together, and don't wants to talk about his Ex-Girlfriend which Eunhyuk didn't even know. Donghae didn't even accomplish to tell Eunhyuk about their wedding and things that happend after, so he didn't want to waste time telling about his ex-girlfriend abundant. I didn't forget her and I thought some time about how I could tell the readers how she reacted and what happened to her, but I found no way to bring her back in the story again.. So I just decided, to not talk about her anymore. I hope you understand, what I'm talking about ^-^ :). Thank you very much, for correcting some things ^^ I'm going to replace them instead of using my wrong sentences ^^ Once again, thank you for the review :) I make sure to request again in future with other storys! :)