I just watched my hyungs as they peacefully slept. Their puffy cheeks make them look younger than they are awake. Seeing them like this reminded me of the day we celebrated my birthday. Everyone was happy they were all drunk and I was pleased. Reluctantly I have to admit, I have grown attached to Super Junior.

 

 

As I turned around someone pulled the sleeves of my hospital clothes, very swiftly the guy pulled me and kept me under his hug. He was so powerful compared to me I didn’t try moving away.

 

 

            “Let’s talk” I hissed at him as I looked at the opposite direction of his face.

 

 

            “Not here” he retorted as he removed his arms from me.

 

 

To my surprise, the man carried me as we made our way outside the room where they were all sleeping. As he carried me through the aisle a nurse saw us and she gave us a wheel chair where he placed me. We went to the hospital rooftop where we found a small garden and a vending machine.

 

 

He placed the wheel chair near the flower garden. I looked at the flowers while he checked his pockets for coins.

 

 

            “We used to do this before, it’s been a while.” he stated as he kept on tapping his pockets.

 

 

I turned the wheel chair around to face him. We both smiled when we saw the coins he found. It was only enough for one person.

 

 

            “I guess I won’t be drinking hot chocolate for today.” He said as he my hair and chuckled.

 

 

I pulled his arm which made fall and lean to me. He was surprised by what I did. My actions made him stop chuckling. He kept quiet as he rested comfortably on my shoulders and kneeled on the floor. Slowly he began crying.

 

 

 

            “Siwon I’m sorry for making you endure so much pain ever since I came here to Korea. I was such a spoiled brat ever since I lived with you and SUJU and I think that’s unforgivable.” I stated as I pat his back.

 

 

            “No I’m at fault. Please forgive me for all the wrong things I did to you. You never deserved any of those things.” He replied as he kept on crying.

 

 

            “Surely I have forgiven you but I am just a human, I still need time to try at least forgetting everything even though I know it’s impossible.” I retorted.

 

 

            “I know forgiving can be done but as humans forgetting is a hard thing, almost seems impossible.” He replied as he wiped his tears off and sat down to look at me.

 

 

            “You have to know this one thing though.” I said as I held both of his hands.

 

 

            “What is it?” he asked me as he played with our hands.

 

 

            “I already made my decision.” I replied shortly.

 

 

            “About what?”

 

 

            “My future” I replied smiling sweetly.

 

 

            “Then what about it?” he inquired as sat comfortably in front of me.

 

 

            “I already decided on the things I would want to do, the person I want to be, and the person I want to be with.” I said confidently chuckling and comfortably.

 

 

            “So what do you want to do?” he asked me the way he used to when were dating before. I love the Siwon who is in front of me now, the caring, gentle and warm person that I loved. His presence makes me feel at ease. By simply being there, even if he doesn’t say a thing I know I am loved.

 

 

            “I won’t debut with 2NE1, and I will travel the whole world and go to places where I haven’t been to before.” I retorted smiling as tears started falling.

 

 

            “But why? Don’t say that! I know that you will not just be successful but also happy with them.” Siwon said as he hushed me and made me stop crying.

 

 

            “I don’t think that it would do them good to be with a person like me. Being with a trouble maker like me will only cause them problems. It’s better for them to be with someone who is better than me.” I retorted as I was finally able to stop my tears from falling.

 

 

            “How about Taemin and Yoona, your family, your grand mother?” he inquired.

 

 

            “I don’t want them to see me again. I’ll change everything about me. I’ll live free from everything that related me to them.” I replied sharply.

 

 

            “Then does that mean you’ll have to stop playing music?” he asked me.

 

 

            “If I have to, then I will” I said smiling at him.

 

 

With that he slapped me on my face, I felt my face warm. He started crying again shaking me as if it could it could change my mind.

 

 

            “Tell me what happened? Tell me everything. I’ll do everything I can to help you just don’t be like that Suujin. Don’t be a coward. Face your problems. We are here. Super Junior, Big Bang, YG and 2NE1 are here to help you. We are your friends, we are your FAMILY. You’re not alone. We were always here by your side to help you.” He retorted as he held my shoulders making me face him.

 

 

            “There’s nothing you can do. I already decided on what I should do. I will survive on my own.” I retorted as I tried erasing the wrinkles on his forehead created by my previous statement.

 

 

            “How about the person you want to be with? What will you do about him? He is out there drinking himself away.” he asked me seriously.

 

 

            “How did you know?” I asked half surprised.

 

 

            “Kyuhyun confessed already. Are you okay?” He retorted.

 

 

            “At least he told you about what he did. I plan to tell him this entire story if he decides to stay with me. But if he doesn’t want to be with me then I’ll let him go.”  I replied smiling.

 

 

            “Then we can’t be together then.” He said as he sighed looking down at the floor.

 

 

            “But we can be friends though” I retorted.

 

 

            “But if he doesn’t pursue you then we can get married for real right?” he asked me again.

 

 

            “Siwon a real man knows when to back down. Remember that!” I told him.

 

 

            “Still I won’t stop waiting until you two get married, okay?” the persistent man retorted wittily.

 

 

            “Fine just do what you want! But please give this letter to Kyuhyun once they find out that I am not here already.” I said as I handed Siwon a white piece of folded paper.

 

 

            “You will leave now?” he asked me.

 

 

            “Yeah. I will. Take care of everyone for me. My men are already waiting for me.” I replied as I tap his shoulder twice.  

 

 

            I looked at my clock and it says 3:00 o’clock am. Siwon just hugged me again knowing that once I made my decision it can never be changed.

 

 

            “This is good bye then. Will you at least allow me to see you go?” he asked me.

 

 

            “Sure” I said as we both looked at the scenery offered by our location.

 

 

 Siwon helped me fixed my things in my room. I changed my clothes and there my men in black were already waiting for my instructions. Siwon was the one who pushed me on my wheel chair to the exit of the hospital.

           

 

            “Just tell me if ever you’ll any kind of assistance. I am always willing to help. Remember that okay?” he said as he taps my head gently.

 

 

            “I will. I will. Just take care of Taemin, Yoona and Kyuhyun for me” I said and he pecked a kiss on my forehead.”      

 

 

Siwon just stood there as he watched my black car leave. I looked at him and saw him waving his hand as tried to stop his tears from falling and flashed a smile. He pointed his finger to direction of the sky indicating that God will always be there to help me.

 

 

            “Are we going there already my lady?” one of my men asked.

 

 

            “Okay” I said as I drank the hot Chocó Siwon bought from the vending machine.