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Kyuhyun looked up the ceiling and then the watch on the bedside table. Six in the morning and he couldn’t close his eyes, much less sleep even a second.

He kept looking up the ceiling, closing his eyes but opening again because the nightmares were horrible and he couldn’t stand having Hyukjae in his mind calling for his help. How useless he was. Kyuhyun didn’t deserve anything good because the love of his life was in danger and he couldn’t do anything to help.

Seven o’clock and the alarm clock went off, indicating him that it was time for him to stand up and go to work. But he didn’t do anything, not even turning it off because he didn’t want to stand up. He hated the idea of another day without Hyukjae. It had been exactly one week since Hyukjae had been kidnapped and he was drowned in his own misery.

Kyuhyun had no idea how it was that Siwon could go to work, if the other did, because he had no energy left. The dark circles under his eyes were prominent, surrounding the eyes that once were lively and full of joy, reflecting Hyukjae’s image, and now, just dull and empty dark circles.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes again when he heard his phone ringing. He didn’t know what time it was but he couldn’t care less. He had tried everything already. He had gone out to look for Hyukjae, walking through the streets, driving his car. He has paid so much for someone to look for Hyukjae and many gave up. It was as if his loving wife had disappeared from the world and that thought scared Kyuhyun to the core.

More calls to his phone and some knocking on the door. He didn’t care. “Kyuhyun! I know you’re there! Open the door!” It was Heechul’s voice echoing through the entire empty house.

Kyuhyun didn’t answer. Usually, Heechul would come to their house and call to the door, but he never had the energy to actually go out and see his mother. Not when he felt like he didn’t deserve so much attention.

“Alright Kyuhyun, this is the last time I ask you nicely to open the ing door, I have someone here that will break it if you don’t ing open it so I’ll give you two minutes to bring your right here and open the door to your mother!”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes and breathed in and out deeply, covering his body nicely in warm blankets because he wanted to feel that Hyukjae was close to him. The scent was everywhere and Kyuhyun only wanted to stay there and do nothing.

Kyuhyun had to open his eyes again when he heard loud noises coming from the door but he didn’t move, he simply stayed there, with his heart drowning in misery.

Soon, the noises faded and Kyuhyun sighed in relief, closing his eyes again until the room’s door opened violently and the light entered the small space dedicated for him and Hyukjae only.

Kyuhyun felt the blankets leaving his body and he covered his face with the pillow, inhaling Hyukjae’s scent. “Mother, please leave me alone…,” he begged, feeling the knot in his throat that made him realize he was about to cry.

“No,” Heechul said firmly, thanking silently that Kyuhyun was covering his eyes so he wouldn’t see how devastated she was. She was trembling, worried. She couldn’t sleep properly simply because his only son was in such situation and the mortification was killing her. She wanted to cry because under those blankets, Kyuhyun was pale and skinny. He was so wasted that Heechul barely could recognize her own son. He wasn’t Kyuhyun anymore. “I know you’re sad Kyuhyun, but this is not the moment in which you stay in bed all day long. I’m tired of doing this everyday! Siwon is just the same, I can’t go around taking care of both of you Kyuhyun! You have to stay strong and finally demonstrate why you deserve to have Hyukjae, because otherwise, when he comes back, he won’t want to be with you anymore,” her voice cracked and she had to clench her fists tightly. “Kyuhyun… please… I beg you… I’m not asking you to keep on as if it were a normal day before everything happened, I’m just asking you to please stand up and eat something. Kyuhyun… please…”

Kyuhyun felt the burning sensation in his eyes and throat, he closed his eyes tightly and the tears started storming out endlessly, loud sobs of pain being muffled by the pillow. “I can’t…,” he mumbled between sobs. “Mother, I can’t…”

Heechul looked down and took a deep breath. She knew Kyuhyun was suffering, so was Siwon. But she had to do something to keep both males alive. “Kyuhyun… you have to keep strong.”

Kyuhyun clenched his fists and shook his head. “Mother… no one has called to ask for money, there are no clues of where he could be, this is killing me… I really want to die mother.”

The pillow was taken away and Kyuhyun opened his eyes widely as a slap landed on his cheek, burning his cheek covered in tears. “Shut up, Kyuhyun,” Heechul said with tears threatening to fall down his eyes. “Yu can’t die, you’re my only son and the only one left for Siwon, you mean a lot for us, you can’t simply die. What will be of Hyukjae when he comes back?”

Kyuhyun swallowed the knot in his throat and looked at his mother. He had never seen her so worried and tired in his whole life and that made him feel guilty. “I’ll go to the kitchen and cook something for you to eat, and when I come back, I want to see you showered and dressed properly. I’ll take you to your work.”

Kyuhyun didn’t say anything and just looked away, staying still for a few seconds before deciding to do as he was told. He sat up at the edge of the bed and closed his eyes, feeling his head spinning for the long period of time he didn’t eat anything and just stood there on his bed.

It took Kyuhyun a huge amount of motivation and energy to stand up and walk towards the bathroom to take a slow and hot shower. He closed his eyes and let the water stream down his body. He couldn’t help but smile slightly as memories of Hyukjae came to his mind, his beautiful smile, his loud laugh, his pouts. Kyuhyun opened his eyes and the smile faded away. I have to find him.

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The day lasted longer that Kyuhyun expected. He tried to actually do his work but he couldn’t focus completely for a long period of time because he was always drawn back to the sad reality. He tried, he really did try working properly in the company Hyukjae’s father had trusted on him. The least he could do was to take care of that treasure when he couldn’t take care of Hyukjae as he should.

At the end of the day, Kyuhyun had to stay in the office to keep up with the work he had left before. He signed papers as no other day and arranged meetings for the next weeks. There was so much to do that maybe that would help him stay alive for a while.

It was almost midnight when he went out from the office and he realized he was alone. He didn’t even bring his car because his mother had forcefully taken him there. He sighed as he took out his cell phone to call a taxi but he decided against it as he saw a red car stopping just in front of the building.

Kyuhyun wanted to be alone. But Siwon was as lonely as his and they could be the worst company ever, so Kyuhyun had nothing to lose. He walked silently to the car and went up, sighing deeply and closing his eyes as he rested against the comfortable seats. “It’s late,” Siwon commented as he drove off.

“Doesn’t matter, I can’t sleep,” Kyuhyun said with a low voice that only they could hear.

Siwon simply hummed. He looked tired and exhausted. The lively smile from his face had gone away and was replaced with an unshaved beard. He was also skinner. Kyuhyun didn’t like to see those cheekbones so prominent when they were not there before. The dark circles under Siwon’s eyes made him look as if he was dead in life.

Kyuhyun asked himself if he looked as wasted as him.

The answer was yes.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes again and sighed deeply. He wasn’t sleepy, and even if he was, he couldn’t sleep anyways. He couldn’t care less where Siwon was taking him to but he also didn’t care. “Heechul told me you haven’t eaten well lately,” Siwon finally said still focusing on the road.

Kyuhyun opened his eyes slowly. “Probably as well as you,” he replied and Siwon let out a low and bitter chuckle.

“I can’t sleep either,” Siwon confessed. “And I spend the night in the hospital because I need to distract myself.”

“Have you gotten any clue? A call, maybe?” Kyuhyun asked with a slight hope in his voice that disappeared when Siwon shook his head slowly. “I thought so,” Kyuhyun mumbled and looked through the window.

The streets were almost empty and when he looked around, he realized they were going to Hyukjae’s father’s house.

“I looked around his stuff,” Siwon started. “I thought maybe I could find a clue about who could have kidnapped him,” he continued. “I went through all his belongings but I didn’t find anything.”

Kyuhyun felt his hands trembling. “Do you think,” he stopped for a few seconds, biting the inside of his cheeks. “Do you think it was my fault?”

Kyuhyun gulped the knot in his throat, not daring himself to look at Siwon as the later drove into the parking lot of that huge mansion. “I want to convince myself it was your fault,” Siwon admitted. “But how can I blame you when I wasn’t there with him?”

Kyuhyun closed his eyes, looking at the huge garden in front of him. “I tried,” he said with a broken voice. Silently, he knew that maybe he didn’t try hard enough. That maybe he could have been faster. That maybe he could have stopped Hyukjae from leaving the house that one morning.

“I know you did,” Siwon said with a low voice that made Kyuhyun realize he was about to cry as well.

“I love him,” Kyuhyun said with tears streaming down his eyes.

“I know you do,” Siwon answered as he stopped the car in front of the main door, holding the steering wheel so tight that his fingers looked white. “I know you love him.”

“You love him too,” Kyuhyun said running a hand through his hair in frustration, looking how Siwon’s tears streamed down his eyes as well.

“I always have,” Siwon said and they stayed silent for a few minutes.

Time was running slowly. None of them dared themselves to do anything, to move, to stop crying. They didn’t want to. But what else could they do? It’s been a long week in which they have no news and are slowly dying.

“I’ve been harsh to so many people, Siwon…,” Kyuhyun said after a few minutes. “What if-”

“I have been, too,” Siwon said. “That doesn’t mean we’re guilty… or that is any of them,” he said finally releasing the steering wheel from his strong hold. “The responsible one for this must be someone who hates not only either you or me, but also Hyukjae. If someone would like to hurt each one of us, there are worst ways to do it without involving Hyukjae. That person must have something against-”

Siwon and Kyuhyun opened their eyes widely and looked at each other.

Seohyun.

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A/N: Angsty + mpreg requested fic~

I know you love me as much as I love you guys~