You woke up the next morning and got ready to go to class. You knew that you were excused for the week but the night before had you feeling really good so you decided that you should start your normal routine again.

“Hey where are you going?” Kai asked you as you came into the kitchen.

“I’m going to go to class.” You smiled.

“I’m going to class as well, I can walk over with you if you want.” He offered.

“Yea, that would be great.” You both got your coats and shoes on and left for campus.

“So how was your day with Chanyeol yesterday?”

“It was great. He took me to Namsan tower and then we walked around and went and ate.” You explained, beaming at remembering the day.

“Sounds good.” He laughed. “Namsan tower is kind of like a couples thing.”

“Yea, its actually funny that you say that. The older people kept mistaking us for a couple.”

“Oh, really?” He asked, surprised.

“Yea, it was really weird. I mean I don’t feel like we look like a couple.” You were genuinely confused.

“You are so clueless.” He mumbled.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Alright. What class do you have?”

“I actually have a dance class.” He stated. “What about you?”

“I have a philosophy class. What kind of dance?”

“I’m doing a ballet class today.”

“Awh, I love ballet.  I used to dance when I lived in Canada.” You remembered.

“Really?” Kai perked up a bit. “What kind of dance?”

“I did a lot of different kinds. But I trained in ballet a lot before branching out into jazz and tap, and then lyrical and hip hop.”  You smiled reminiscing.

“Well if you want to start dancing again you can come into the studio with me sometime and you can practice.”

“I don’t know, I’m probably not any good anymore.” You thought out loud.

“Impossible, if you know how to dance you will always know how to dance. I’m going in from a free session tomorrow at four if you want to come with me.”

“I have class till 3 but I can meet you over there.” You suggested.

“That would be great. I’m going this way, so I’ll see you tonight at home.” He waved goodbye as he left you at your building.

You walked into your class and took a seat in the middle. You watched as a girl walked into the room and ran all the way down to the front, and when she realized there were no seats there she ran back up the stairs.

“Uh, can I sit beside you?” She asked you.

“Sure, it’s a free country.” You laughed, pulling the chair out for her. She squeezed past the other people in the row and plopped down beside you.   

“Thanks.” She smiled and took out her notebook. “I’m Hyojin.”

“I’m Sarah.” You shook her hand. “What year are you in?”

“I’m in first year, what about you?”

“Same. I’m taking a degree in medieval history.” You added.

“I’m a philosophy major. Are you just taking this class as an elective?”

“Yea, it just interests me.” You said.

“Class!” The professor yelled. “We are starting now.”

You and Hyojin turned towards the front for the beginning of class.

* * * * *

Class ended and you packed up you things to leave. You walked out of the class with Hyojin, talking about the lesson.

“If you want to get together this weekend we can study for the midterm together.” She suggested.

“That would be great! I could definitely use the motivation.” You laughed. “I’ll see you this weekend then!” You parted ways, thinking about how you had made a new friend.

You noticed that it looked like it was starting to rain as you stood at the doors of the building.

You ran out and started to walk quickly to the edge of campus.

“!” You yelled in English as the rain started to pour on you. You still had a good ten minutes walk before you reached your house.

“Hey!” You heard someone yell behind you.

You started to walk faster as he continued to yell your name. You didn’t look back for fear that he was close to you. You were getting really scared and the rain continued to pour. You were soaked and your hair hung in strings around your face. You started to cry a little bit as you continued to walk quickly. You could see your house now.

“HEY! Wait up!” The guy shouted again, this time from right behind you. His hand pulled your arm and you shrieked, tears falling quickly from your eyes.

He pulled you around and you were face to face with Kris.

“K-Kris,” You hugged him tightly, “I’m sorry.” You bawled.  

“What’s the matter?” He took your books. “Don’t be sorry.” He draped his arm over your shoulder and walked you the rest of the way home.

* * * * *

“Are you going to shower or anything?” You asked Kris as you made it to the third floor.

“No, I’m just going to change my clothes and study for a while.” He answered.

“Ok, I’m going to have a bath then.” He smiled and nodded and went into his room.

You started to run the bath, preparing your clothes for after. You picked out a bubble bath and got the speaker from your closet so that you could listen to music in the bathtub. Lastly, you got your book, so that you could really relax.

As you took off your clothes you could see the bruises starting to yellow. You took the bandages off your face and neck and saw the raw skin healing nicely, but the mark on your neck was going to leave a scar, you could already see it. You took a face cloth and wiped the cuts off.

You turned the music on and started to listen to The Con by Tegan and Sara. You hadn’t really listened to English music since you got to Korea because most of the guys couldn’t really understand it.

For a while you just sat with your eyes closed and listened to the music. The bathtub was still filling up and the bubbles were starting to form. You could smell the fruitiness of the bubble bath and it made you relax. The song changed and the sound of the guitar filled your ears.

Where do you go with your broken heart in toe?

What do you do with the left over you?

And how do you know when to let go?

Where does the good go?

The lyrics hit you hard, like a bullet.

But you couldn’t cry. It was like all of the tears were gone. You just sobbed silently into your hands, but nothing came out.

Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t find me attractive.

Look me in the heart and tell me you wont go.

Look me in the eye and promise no love is like our love.

Look me in the heart and unbreak broken it wont happen.

Once all of the physical injuries were gone it will be like it never happened. But will it? You would still have the memories and the nightmares that you will have to see so long as you remember his face. Will you ever be able to talk to anyone about what happened to you? How will you really explain to them what happened. It’s hard for people to empathize with things they can’t physically see. The pain that you feel will be there forever, deep down, but no one will really know what that means for you.

You thought about how someday you will be in a relationship and that person will want to be intimate with you. Will you be able to do it without being scared? Will you be able to do it at all?

A few songs had passed, like foreshadowing they were sad and seemed to describe your current situation, and how you would be for a long time.

You looked at your phone and saw that it was only two o’clock in the afternoon. You decided you could stay in the bath a while longer. You opened your book and started to read, trying to get all of the bad thoughts out of your mind. A knock at the door interrupted you.

“Yes?” You called.

“Its Kris,”

“You can come in.” You pulled the shower curtain so that he couldn’t see you. He opened the door and peeked in.

“I’m making myself a late lunch. Do you want something?”

“Yea, that would be great.” You stuck your head out from behind the shower curtain and smiled at him. “What are you making?”

“Grilled cheese. No one else likes them, I figured you might be missing some western food.”

“That sounds perfect.” You gave him a thumbs up and he left you to get out of the bath. You rinsed off and drained the tub, putting on some more upbeat music so that you could be more cheerful when you went downstairs.

Girls’ Generation’s Gee played as you got dressed and towel dried your hair. You looked into the bathroom mirror and smiled at yourself. The more you smiled the easier it got.

You walked down the stairs quickly, already smelling the grilled cheese.

“You look really comfortable.” He pointed at your outfit.

“Well with all of the rain and snow I’m cold all the time and I don’t have anywhere else to be so I’m going to be comfortable.” You defended. You were now wearing grey leggings with a larger sweater that was fitted awkwardly and a pair of slippers that looked like pink boots.

“Fair enough.” He set down two plates on the table and you sat down beside him to eat. “How was your class today?”

“It was really good. I met a new friend as well. She didn’t even say anything about my bandages.” You smiled fondly.

“That’s great, what’s her name?”

“Hyojin. She is really great. She is first year like me and a philosophy major.” You explained.

“Great, she’ll have to come by sometime to meet everyone.”

“Yea, she is coming over this weekend actually, to study. I don’t want the guys to scare her though. Especially Kai, he comes on a little strong sometimes.” You laughed as you remembered the first time he spoke to you.

“No worries, I’m sure if you talk to them before she comes they will try to be as normal as possible.”

“Yea, you’re right.” You both sat and ate quietly for a while. “These are really good!” You mused. “I really do miss western food sometimes.”

“Yea, I don’t know why the guys don’t like it.” Kris said sadly. You both finished your sandwiches and washed your plates.

“Kris, do you want to play battlefield with me?” You asked out of the blue.

“You play video games?”

“Well Chanyeol and I played it one night and I want to practice so that I can kick his .” You laughed, making gun actions with your hands.

“Yea sure, we’ll train you up good.”

* * * * *

You and Kris had been sitting in front of the television for three hours and now you were surrounded by Xiumin, Sehun, and Kyungsoo who were all backseat driving your mission.

“Guys just shut up! I can do it by myself!” You yelled, killing two soldiers.

“Look out!” Kyungsoo yelled, interrupting you.

“I’m not blind I can see that!” You yelled.

Everything was getting very intense as you and Kris continued the game, the guys chiming in every few seconds on tips and tricks to win.

“Chan’s on his way home.” Kyungsoo said. “He wants to know if we want anything from the store.”

“I want chips!” Sehun said.

“Chocolate!”

“Instant ramyun!” 

“What about you, Sarah?” Kyungsoo asked, still texting Chanyeol.

“I’m fine, I don’t need anything.” You smiled. “I’m going to go up and study now anyways.” You saved the game and said good-bye to everyone before going up to your room.

You took your slippers off when you got into your room and spread your books out on your bed. You sat in the middle of them and started to do all of your readings. You caught up on the work you had missed in your class the day before and you started making notes for your philosophy midterm.

You started to doze off after a while, the content of the books making your tired and restless. Before you knew it you were fast asleep on your bed with your textbook open on your chest.

You started dreaming, but it wasn’t scary like the dreams you had been having for the past few days, it was nice.

You were sitting in a darkly lit restaurant. You were at a table for two, in the corner of the room, a candle lit up the middle of the table. There was someone sitting across from you.

“Isn’t it nice to be out just the two of us?” He asked.

“Yes, we rarely get to do this.” You answered, blushing.

The person reached across the table and took your hand, your palm. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew that you knew him. He called the waiter over and ordered a bottle of wine for the two of you.

When it came and it was poured he raised his glass, and you took yours.

“A toast!” he exclaimed, “To our one year anniversary.”

You both drank, laughing and talking about the past year.

All of a sudden you were standing in front of a townhouse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asked you.

“Of course you will.” You laughed, taking his hand and kissing it.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Kris.”

You woke up with a start.

Oh my God, you thought. What the hell was that?

You went through the dream again in your head. Kris? Do I like Kris? You thought slowly.

The dream was really nice, and you had to admit that you wouldn’t mind having Kris as a boyfriend. He was so nice to you, and caring. He was also very tall and handsome, which didn’t hurt the situation.

Get a grip. You don’t know if he likes you! You scolded yourself. He probably doesn’t think of you like that.

You lay in bed, holding your pillow to your chest as you thought about the dream. The more you thought about it though, the more appealing Kris became to you. You didn’t know if you liked him or if you were just talking yourself into liking him.

Your phone buzzed.

From Chanyeol

Hey Sarah, I’m downstairs; the guys said you were studying so I didn’t want to bother you. I brought you back something from the store.

To Chanyeol

Thanks; I’ll be right down.

You closed all of your books, and put your slippers on. You ran downstairs to join the guys.

“Hey!” You yelled coming into the living room. “Chanyeol do you want to play Battlefield with me?” You winked at Sehun

“Yea, sure!” He got up to move to the sofa. “I got you this, as well.” He handed you a grocery bag.

You looked inside and saw a bag of Doritos and a milk chocolate bar.

“I feel like I haven’t had snacks like this in forever! Thanks Chan!” You hugged him and sat beside him on the couch.

“You ready for this?” He asked intimidatingly, nodding towards the game.

“I’m gonna kick your .” You put his hat on and started to play. 

---

Song: Where Does the Good Go by Tegan and Sara

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