★— eunmikyu
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
title: 4/5
----------------------------------------------
The story has little to do with fireflies, though you do mention it in one of the chapters regarding Chanyeol and Eunmi. However, your story isn’t finished yet, so perhaps there’ll be more meaning to the title in the later chapters.
foreword and description: 7/10
----------------------------------------------
Your description is pretty interesting, and you don’t reveal much about the plot, so that is good. However, there are some problems with your grammar. For example, “fire” is a noun and “fly” is a verb. Thus, it should be “Fire is Chanyeol and Flying is Kris.” The line “These two are the two people in Kyu Eunmi’s life,” is also a tad ambiguous, for it makes it seem as if they are the only two people in her life. There are a few more grammar issues that will be elaborated in the grammar section.
As for your foreword, you used a character chart. Even though I don’t suggest using any character charts, it’s very neat, so that’s a good thing. Once again, there are a few minor grammar problems/stylistic errors in the foreword.
appearance: 5/5
----------------------------------------------
Although your poster is simple, it’s soft on the eyes, though the font doesn’t really match. Your character charts are very neat, around the same size, and the pictures you used are high quality. The paragraphing for your story is also very neat. I noticed that you use a different color for thoughts, notes, etc. That isn’t a big issue although it might distract a reader a little. Also, remember to start a new line after quotes if it doesn’t have anything to do with the person speaking.
Example: “To write our assignment.” (next line) Kris scoffed when he heard what you said.
If you leave it on the same line, it would be hard for the reader to figure out who’s the speaker.
plot: 10/15
----------------------------------------------
Your plot is relatively simple, and there isn’t really any big plot twists. Because of this, however, it’s easy to lose interest. Also, there doesn’t seem to be any particular direction this story is going in, which makes this story seem almost like a fluffy, plot-less piece of writing.
originality: 15/15
----------------------------------------------
Your story is pretty original, with Chanyeol and the mental hospital and whatnot. It does have a few elements that are seen quite frequently in other stories, like how Eunmi isn’t particularly well-off and has a personality that is close to perfect, but your storyline itself is quite original.
grammar and spelling: 8/20
----------------------------------------------
As I’ve said before, you have a few problems with your grammar. Here are a few examples (you don’t have to use my corrections):
“When you fall in love with the wrong person, you can try and forget about them.”
“When you fall in love with the wrong person, you can try and forget about him or her.”
“What if that person reminds you of someone you once loved-but not in the romantic way and everytime you see that person becomes distorted into the other image.”
“What if that person reminds you of someone you once loved—but not in the romantic way—and every time you see that person, he or she becomes distorted into the other image.”
“What are you supposed to do when you can’t differentiate the correct one from the wrong one?”
“What are you supposed to do when you can’t differentiate between the two of them?”
“He’s a minor role in this story but a big part of Eunmi.”
“He plays a minor role in this story, but is a big part of Eunmi’s life.”
These are only a few of the mistakes I found in the story. They’re pretty minor, but a lot of them may make reading the story not as enjoyable. I suggest you either re-read your whole story carefully and fix the mistakes yourself or get a beta-reader to proofread it for you.
flow: 9/10
----------------------------------------------
The flow at the beginning of the story is pretty fast, like how Eunmi and Xiumin became such close friends so quickly. Also, some of the scene changes should be more clearly stated, since the jumps may be a bit sudden. However, the rest of it is pretty evenly paced, and there’s nothing too confusing.
characterization: 8/10
----------------------------------------------
Eunmi is a Mary Sue character. She’s smart, modest, in control, and everyone likes her. Although I have nothing against such characters, I would think that it would be more interesting for the readers if the main character wasn’t like the one in every other story they read. Also, the story has it that Chanyeol and Kris are similar in personalities, but at the beginning of the story, when Eunmi mentions for the first couple of times that she finds them very similar, there seems to be nearly no common ground between Chanyeol and Kris, save for the fact that they are both tall.
overall enjoyment: 6/10
----------------------------------------------
The grammar inconsistencies in your story make it a bit hard to understand, along with the odd formatting for the dialogues. I’m alright with “you” fics, although I don’t really recommend writing the story in second person, since after all, Eunmi is a fictional creator, not the reader. The only reason I didn’t give you a ten is that the plot just didn’t seem to capture me. There wasn’t any part that had me sitting at the edge of my seat, anticipating the next part.
total: 72/100
reviewer: sweet_mintx
----------------------------------------------
reminder:
- credit the shop and the reviewer.
- comment after picking up.
- like the review? upvote us!
Comments