❊ SHINeeCookie
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ survivors' heart
title: 3/5
It caught my attention and made me want to read... but I just didn't feel like it matched with your story. I completely understand why you chose this title, but it just didn't seem to sit right with me.
foreword and description: 8/10
Whenever you write down a year number, make sure you write it completely out, don't use the number.
e.g.: 5 years had passed... Suggested: Five years had passed... Only write the actual number if it's over 100.
You didn't have any spelling mistakes, but you tended to use a lot of unnecessary commas. Try to go back and look the description and foreword over and see if you can take some out and smoothly connect the sentences.
appearance: 4/5
The font was extremely easy to read, thank you. The foreword/description looked extremely messy, however. There's links and pictures everywhere. Try toning it down.
I also feel like your poster was made in a huge hurry. Your second poster seems better made, but doesn't seem to capture the mood of the story.
plot: 12/15
The plot was well written and I could see conflicts arise here and there. It was a really nice story to read. It's not very easy finding well-written zombie au stories.
originality: 10/15
It's not completely original, but it's not completely un-original at the same time. The ending was a bit of a twist, I gave you some brownie points for adding in your own style.
grammar and spelling: 10/20
You didn't have any spelling mistakes, yippee! But you threw in a lot of commas that weren't necessary! Calm down on them commas, gurl! Some sentences were perfectly fine without needing the use of a comma, I don't know why you added them in.
You also used a lot of dialogue. It's completely fine to have dialogue in your story, but try to add in details so your readers know who's talking. You'd usually write an action for one character talking once, then just drop the actions and just write the dialogues. Try adding in verbs like "whispered, said, exclaimed, softly added, etc."
You also changed POV's a lot! Try out third point of view. I think it'd be easier for you to write that way.
flow: 8/10
It seemed a bit rushed to me. Minho hasn't seen Taemin in five years according to the foreword, why is it that he suddenly finds Taemin in the first chapter? I thought you'd add in a few drama scenes here and there before the two reunited again.
Also, Jinki suddenly appears in chapter four, kisses (?) Taemin, and cuddles with him in the end. Then, Minho kills himself right after. The ending seemed super rushed.
characterization: 8/10
I got Taemin and Minho's characterization, but Jinki's? Nope. He literally just popped out of nowhere and took Taemin from Minho. Kind of a -what the - moment.
overall enjoyment: 3/10
The change of POV's hurt my head and the dialogue seemed to take away my interest...
total: 66/100
reviewer: channicki
notes: I'm sorry if you waited a long time for this review! School's been kicking my lately. Thank you for requesting at E.G.
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