★— strawbumbeez
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
title: 3/5
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Well first of all, your title is a question, so it needs a question mark. Also, its quite a cliche title. The whole concept of "______ is my husband?" or "I'm a maid for _______?"
foreword and description: 9/10
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You need to teach me how to get music in your story haha. That's cool. Overall you gave a good summary of each character and didn't give too much away from your story.
appearance: 5/5
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Your wallpaper and poster both fit the story.
plot: 10/15
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It's a nice twist on a Cinderella type story and also having Park Min Young as the main girl was a nice choice, hence her City Hunter character. BUT, because of these choices, it kinda held me back from seeing these characters as OC's. Instead i saw them more as characters you used from dramas. I'm getting into characterization. Anyway, you're plot was quite fluffy, but some parts were a little too sudden. When Myungsoo hugged her, i was a little taken aback by his sudden closeness to her.
originality: 7/15
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As i said in your title, your story's originality is quite lacking. The girl become's a maid to a hot guy, we've all read fanfiction like that. I did like how you made L famous. Most fanfiction give them roles such as ordinary rich guys.
grammar and spelling: 3/20
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Your biggest problem was verb forms, but don’t feel bad. That’s probably the hardest part about English. I think you’re editing your story now, because I can’t find some of the mistakes I found earlier while reading. My deepest impression of your verb forms was when you said “wenting.” “Went” is already the perfect form of “go,” so you can’t add an –ing to it. I’m just going to go through a few examples.
EX: “And so Myungsoo hang up the phone.” Edited: “And so Myungsoo hung up the phone.” “Hang” is present tense, and here you need to use perfect tense since you are saying the result of an action.
EX: “…no one dare to speak, because of what have happen this morning.”
Edited: “…no one dared to speak because of what happened this morning.” You do not need the helping verb “have” with the verb “happen.” Also, a clause beginning with “because” doesn’t need to have a comma since you are simply explaining the previous action.
EX: “Have you ever thought of my reason, why I broking up with you!”
Edited: “Have you ever thought of the reason why I broke up with you?” Putting a possessive pronoun in front of “reason” that is first person is quite unnecessary and redundant, especially if the clause after is explaining the situation. Again the problem with the –ing. This suffix is used on certain conjugations and participles, but not in perfect tense.
flow: 6/10
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It went a little too fast for my taste. It might just be me, but the relationship between Myungsoo and the OC went from nearly strangers to lovers quite quickly.
characterization: 6/10
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I liked the majority of your characters. As i said earlier, Park Min Young's City Hunter background made it difficult for me to treat her as a separate character, especially because City Hunter was such a popular drama. Also, i thought L's personality changed throughout the story, but not in development ways. Sometimes i really thought he was being bipolar. He would go from being really nice to really mean to the OC within one chapter.
overall enjoyment: 5/10
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The grammar made it quite difficult to read and i thought the flow was too fast, but overall you have a great story going here! work on your grammar and you'll be golden :)
total: 54/100
reviewer: dr3amer
reviewer's notes:
Sorry for the long wait for the review, but thank you so much for choosing me as your reviewer!
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